Jeremy and I were already in bed last night and I was nearly falling asleep when I heard my phone vibrating. Before I could out of bed and get it answered, it had stopped ringing and now Jeremy's phone was ringing.

I could see from the caller ID that it was my brother Loren who was calling.

I wondered what he might want and it had crossed my mind that their baby might have been born, but it was a week before my SIL's due date so I just kind of brushed it aside.

Sure enough though, my brother said "Hey there, you've got a new nephew!!"  An excited conversation followed and I congratulated him, told Jeremy about it, and then went to sleep.

It sounds like we will get to go and meet little Dustin this afternoon. They are SUPER excited to have a boy because their only other boy is 11 years old and has been wanting a brother since forever, it seems!  I am so happy for them!

This is the second grandchild born to my parents in about 3 months time. My sister Debbie had a baby girl named Jenna back at the end of January.

Today I was reflecting upon (doesn't that sound really deep? Ha, ha) my journey of having children. And then, the journey of being done having children.

(I want to acknowledge, before I write all of this, that this is MY personal journey and experience. I have never struggled with infertility, have never had a miscarriage and have never been at a place where I longed for children and didn't have them.  So, please know that I do feel sensitive to that in other women's lives and I am acknowledging how hard that must be.  However, I don't feel like I understand that well at all, having never gone through any of that.)

 

When Jeremy and I were dating and first married, we would talk about how many kids we wanted.  I said 5 or 6. Yes. That was me who said that. I clearly remember saying that, but looking back, I obviously had no idea what I was talking about.

Once I got pregnant with our first child, the number started to go down.  Now I thought that maybe I would go with 4 or 5, since clearly, having been pregnant once, I was starting to understand that it was not all fun and games and I remember telling Jeremy that "I am never going to want to be pregnant again."

By the time child #2 came along, the number of children I wanted to have had again declined, this time to 3 or 4.

Bottom line: I learned this about myself. I am not a baby person. I don't really enjoy little kids very much. It took me years to learn to just admit that.  In a roomful of women, saying that you don't really like babies is akin to saying that you torture puppies for fun.  (Collective gasp!) 

While I do enjoy my own children and now that they are older I am breathing much easier, small children stress me out. They keep me up at night. They need me too much.  They are demanding and they can't understand when I try to rationalize with them.  They cry for no reason. 

So, by the time that we got pregnant with child #3, I knew for sure that I was done after this one. I really, really hoped for a girl, but even if it would have been another boy, I knew that my days of birthing and taking care of small children were over.

Often, I get into conversations with other Mom's about how many kids they have, how many kids they want to have, how to decide when they are "done" having kids, etc.  I think that this is a very personal decision and one that needs to be made with great care and ideally there should be full agreement from husband and wife before anything permanent is done. I know that the last part, especially, is sometimes easier said than done.

For Jeremy and I, we were so sure that we didn't want more than 3 children, that we scheduled the "procedure" for Jeremy even before Nicole was born. We didn't really tell a lot of people, as I knew that my parents, for one, did not approve of any permanent birth control measures.  But, while I respect my parents, this was our decision and we both felt good about it.

All that to say, sometimes when you know, you just know. And if you don't "know", then maybe that means it is not the right time to make a decision about whether or not you want to have more children.

When I hear about someone getting pregnant or about a new baby being born, yes, I am happy for my friends or my family.  But, mostly, I just feel sorry for them.  Because I know how much hard work babies are and I know how much I struggled to enjoy that stage of my life. I realize that is not everyone else's story, because some people LOVE that time of their lives and they love to take care of little babies.

Me, I would much rather deal with a 4 year old who screams at me and then slams her bedroom door (yes, we ARE working with her on these things) than a baby who cries at 2 AM and you can't figure out how to make it stop.

It has been 4 1/2 years since we made the decision to not have any more children, and in all of that time, I have only had one very short bout of baby fever, and that happened around the time that my sister had her first baby. Other than that, I seriously have had no regrets!  I am super happy with the 3 children God has given us.  I am not longing for more.

When I go to visit my sister in law's baby this afternoon, I will talk about how cute he is. How tiny and how perfect. How happy I am for them. I will probably bring a gift.  I will hold the baby for 5 or 10 minutes and then I will be super happy to give him back to her and walk away.  Just like that.

No feelings of "I wish he was mine" or "I wish I could have another baby" or even feeling like we should have left the door open on having another baby. 

People ask me how I knew? 

I really can't tell you.  I just knew.  With certainty.  I knew that having lots of kids wasn't for me. And I knew that I was perfectly content with my 3. 

How about you?  Are you done having kids?  Are you content with your decision?  If you are not done, how are you feeling about it?  Do you think you will ever be ready to be done?

I saw this idea on Pinterest (you can find the link here) and decided to "just do it".  As they say in Nike-land.  The month of April seemed perfect, since it has 30 days!  I wanted to journal my discoveries and maybe share them with you. I feel like this got a little long, but I guess I will post it anyway. If I lose your interest part way through, feel free to skip on down through the rest!

Day 1 -- I decided to trade today’s assignment for tomorrow because I thought it would be more applicable.  So that meant that today’s was “Do not correct your husband.”

I tried to keep it in mind even as I found myself saying to him “Are you sure that’s how it is?” during Sunday school.

But honestly, this April Fool’s Day goes down in my mind as a horrible day and after I discovered the presence of LICE in Nikki’s hair during church, my day became a lot less about remembering not to correct my husband and a lot more about trying not to completely freak out and/or lose my mind because of the lice situation. Even though we had family over today, I was mostly just pre-occupied with getting rid of that lice!!

Seems she caught it through Kendall, who probably got it from school, since it was going around there. Thankfully, by the end of the day, it was seeming like we had the problem at least somewhat under control! (Note: A month later and it seems all lice has been erradicated, but I STILL am not feeling relaxed about it. Still checking the kids' heads periodically and hoping we never have to experience THAT again!)


Day 2 -- Today, then, was an assignment to ask your husband what you could help him with.  Jeremy got home about 6 PM, but after supper I said “Is there anything I can help you with?” If he was surprised, he didn’t let on.  He said he just needed to go out and put wood in the stove, so I said I would go along. It was pleasant outside and we walked the trash to the end of the lane and then meandered down to the woodstove...holding hands and just talking. It was really, really nice and I think it meant something to Jeremy that I went outside with him while he did that little chore. We had a really good evening together.

Day 3 -- Hug your husband at least three times today.  That was the challenge for the day.  Well, Jeremy and I were both at work all day, he got home about 2 minutes before I left to go for dinner with a girlfriend, so I was able to get in two of the hugs during that time, but I thought if I went for a 3rd hug in 2 minutes he might start to look at me cross eyed!   I got home by 8:30 or so and we had a little more time together, so I was able to get that 3rd and final hug accomplished. But I did wonder...on a crazy busy day like today, if I hadn’t had the challenge in front of me, would I have given him those hugs, and did they mean something to him?  Hopefully.

Day 4 -- Kiss your husband the first time you see him in the morning.  Well, my husband gets up at 4:30 AM.  I am not sure that my eyes are ever open at that time of the day, but we do have a ritual of him waking me up, kissing me, saying “I love you’s” or whatever and then I promptly fall back asleep, probably before he makes it out of the room a lot of times.  So...yes, I did kiss him first thing in the morning, but did I actually SEE him?  Probably not, because I doubt if I opened my eyes!

Day 5 -- The assignment for today was “Tell yourself ‘He really loves his family, and he is doing his best for us.”  Since I totally believe this already, this one was not hard for me to identify with. But I also decided to text him something along those lines because I know that is meaningful to him. In typical fashion, he responded with a 3 or 4 word text.  The brevity of his responses is the biggest reason why I don’t text him more often. I realize he is working, but still...When you write a 50 word text and get 4 words back, its a tad discouraging!

Day 6 -- I totally and completely forgot about the challenge for today. It was to buy, make or bake his favorite food.  Does it count that we went to Texas Roadhouse tonight with friends and that he ordered ribs (one of his favorite foods) and that the server brought the bill to me and I paid with my credit card, using our money? Maybe not, huh?  I DID also buy ingredients today at the store to make a Snicker Dessert, which I was planning to make for him, since he has a love affair with Snickers. (I did make the Snickers bars, he did like them, but apparently  he wasn't too crazy about them because they ended up sitting in the fridge for a while. When he really likes something, he doesn't let it sit there too long! Also, I left the peanuts out because I thought he wouldn't want them in, but later found out he WOULD have wanted them. So I kind of messed that up a bit!)

Day 7 -- The challenge for today was to write him a sweet note. It is Saturday, so we are together pretty much all day, but while he was out loading up firewood, I took the time to write a note about a number of things that I love about him. I put it on his dresser later that night for him to find.  He asked me later when I had put it there and thanked me for it. He didn’t say much else but I know from the past that this sort of thing means a lot to him!

Day 8 -- It said to plan at least 1 date night this month. Well, we actually just had a date night last night, because my sister and brother-in-law offered to keep the kids overnight, so I think we already took care of that one. We watched a movie together and went out for drinks and appetizers about 9 PM. That felt pretty wild to us. We never leave the house to go out after 8 PM! We joked about that.  Plus, we also have a kid-free weekend (with a few other couples) coming up in April, so I think we’re good.  I’ll tell you what, though...it is AMAZING to me how much being alone with or doing date night with Jeremy reminds me of how much and what I love about him!!

Day 9 -- The assignment for today was to “Put yourself in his shoes.”   So, different times today I thought about what it would be like to be my husband.  He gets up at 4:30 AM every week day (something I could NEVER do on an on-going basis), he drives about 45 minutes to work, and by the time I leave the house for the day, he has already been working about 2 hours.  He runs a machine in the woods and cuts down trees. His job can be very monotonous at times and can be frustrating, especially if the trees he is cutting are really small, like they are right now.

Tonight he came home, ate some supper, and then went outside for an hour and half or so, spread fertilizer on our lawn with the boys, came in and showered, sat down for a bit, then it was time to get the kids to bed and ourselves to bed shortly after.  In the meantime, I worked in the morning, but had the afternoon to just be at home. I cleaned out my closet (the clothing part) and made dinner but I also got to do some reading and just hanging out.  I feel blessed.  Putting myself in his shoes reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for.
After the kids were in bed we sat on the couch together and I listened to him talk about his day and his work. And I tried to REALLY listen. Not just kinda/sorta listen like I do sometimes.

Day 10 – For today the challenge is to “Focus on kindness.”  In our morning phone chat, I tried to remember to keep my voice kind (it usually is, I have to say, so that wasn’t too hard) and to ask him about his day and show kindness by being interested in how he was doing and feeling.  Last night when we went to bed he wasn’t feeling so great, so I checked in with him about that.

Day 11 – The challenge of the day was to tell your husband that you are “Glad that you married him.”  We had a situation today where we found out some things about how Derrick was doing in school (not good  things, but issues with being too distracted, being somewhat disrespectful to his teacher, etc.)  As soon as Jeremy and I got a moment alone, I told him all about what had been going on.  I SO appreciate his wisdom, his calmness, and his heart for our kids.   I appreciate the way that we work as a team and how we complement each other. Watching him talk to Derrick and watching the way he handled the whole situation just reminded me again of how happy I am that I married him.  And I told him that later that night.

Day 12 – “Pray for wisdom in being a wife.”  Now that I can do.  But, I do find that I tend to pray a lot more for wisdom as a Mom than as a wife.  Maybe because often mothering overwhelms me more than my marriage does.  But, I thought it was great advice and throughout the day I tried to remember to pray for wisdom in being the wife that Jeremy needs. Not just a “good wife” but specifically the wife that would glorify God and be best for my particular man.

Day 13 -- Do not use sarcasm with your husband.  Here I was, feeling pretty good about myself. Because, really, am I a sarcastic person?  I think not.  Well, when I brought this idea to the forefront of my mind, I found myself having to bite my tongue or rephrase things various times throughout the evening. Because, apparently, saying things like “Did you really think she needed that second cookie?” could come across as sarcastic. I realized, by doing this challenge today, that I have more trouble with this one than I thought.  Dang!

Day 14 -- I forgot to look at this one until past 1 PM, but it turned out to be “Remember that being a wife is a blessing” and so I didn’t need to specifically DO anything for this one.  I know in my head that being a wife is a blessing, but I will admit, there are those days where I think that not being a wife would be a blessing of its own.    So, yes, a good reminder for me on this Saturday where I GET to go out and help my husband and children with outside projects.  Hey, at least it is gorgeous out there!

Day 15 -- “Think only positive thoughts about your husband.”  Well, I’m not gonna lie. This one was pretty much impossible for me to do. Its not like my main thoughts about Jeremy are negative, but to go through a whole day without thinking anything that was not positive...I was not able to do that. That would mean I would have agreed with everything he did, thought everything he said was wonderful, and not been at all aware of my own opinions about situations.  We did have a really good day together and got along well.  We had a cool part of our church service where we all gave some advice to a girl from our church who is getting married next week and I appreciated what Jeremy had to share in that.  Its not that I remember getting upset with him about anything, but more than I would find a negative thought coming to my mind and then remind myself that I was supposed to be thinking ONLY positive thoughts today!

Day 16 -- Today’s challenge was to “Thank him for all he does for your family.”  I totally had plans to say this to him today, but I thought that it would be better in person, when I could gaze into his eyes adoringly (ha, ha) instead of over the phone.  Well, Jeremy got home after 5, we were watching “The Amazing Race” with the kids, I got supper on the table for him and the boys, and a little before 6 Nikki and I left for a Subway and a movie date.  I thought I would spend some time with Jeremy when I got back from the date, but believe it or not, when I rolled into the driveway at about 8:40 PM, the house was completely dark. I figured maybe he was watching TV in the bedroom, but no, he was literally already sleeping.  So, the day passed and I never did get to tell him thanks for everything that he does for our family. Including working so hard that by 8:30 at  night he is wiped out.

Day 17 -- Laugh with your husband today. This was easier said than done. Usually Jeremy and I laugh together a lot, but this particular evening he was tired and actually maybe a little grumpy, because we were out working on the pool deck, finishing up some things. Carpenter type work is NOT his favorite, for sure.  So, despite my efforts to make him laugh or get us to laugh together, there was not a lot of laughter happening. It was funny how when I was focused on that, I really noticed it when we weren’t laughing!  He did laugh about my blog post today, and the part about me not wanting to drive out of my way to stop in at home and get flip-flops. Because that is so typical me and so something he would make fun of me for and really not understand.

Also, after the kids were in bed, we watched the season finale of “Raising Hope” and that got some laughs out of both of us.  We actually both cracked up the most at the same phrase, which was where the Dad said “Well, that just blows my small, human mind.”  (You had to hear it in person!)  So, I would say it was a success for the day...to laugh with my husband...just maybe not as much as we normally do!

Day 18 -- Think of a wife that you admire and try to be more like her.   I feel like I already do this on a continuous basis. When I see something that I admire in another wife and the way that she relates to her husband, I try to emulate that positive behavior as much as I can. Every relationship is different, and every guy is different, but I know by now what Jeremy likes and appreciates and it is more about just remembering to do those things. But sometimes, another wife will inspire me in the way that she goes about making her husband happy.  That is always cool to see. For Jeremy, respect is definitely the thing that he wants most from me. And for me to be happy.  

I work on being respectful and not questioning him, etc.  When I see a wife who is very adoring and respectful of her husband, it stands out to me. Probably because you actually don’t see that a lot. Sometimes people who are very different from me really challenge me in the way they relate to their husbands. One person in particular has been a big inspiration to me and that is Lisa T.  We’ve even joked about how, in a situation, I just think to myself “WWLD?”  What would Lisa do?

I think she is kind of embarrassed by this, but it is true.  She has such a respectful and giving and unselfish way about her and I have seen it in action and been somewhat in awe!  So, yeah, I try to learn from others and their good traits and put them into work in my own life. Of course...easier said than done!   

Day 19 -- Today’s assignment was “Don’t ask him to do any chores or honey-do’s.”  This really was not a problem, because we were home together for all of an hour and during that time there wasn’t much I would normally ask for help with.  But, I was rushing around after supper to get myself ready for Bible study and get the table cleaned off, and normally I would have asked for him to clean off the table or help out in some way.  But I didn’t. And guess what?  He put dishes in the dishwasher and helped clean up without me even asking him!  So yay!  Other days, this one might have been harder to accomplish...like on a week end day when we are together at home a lot more.

Day 20 -- Today’s focus:  Patience.  Oh, boy! I have a ton of things to do today to get ready to leave for part of the weekend, so I feel a little stressed. Even this morning, I prayed that God would just help me to not get too stressed out but I would just do one thing at a time!  And most of all, to remember to be surrendered to Him all throughout my day.  So today’s patience challenge might be more about me and maybe with Nicole than with Jeremy, as I won’t see him until after most of my chores are done!

Day 21 -- Forgive him when he makes a mistake.  Today we were gone all day with a group of friends. We went to a “Generosity Conference”, which was VERY inspiring and motivational. We learned a lot! I honestly don’t remember any time today that I felt like Jeremy “made a mistake” so I don’t know that there was much to forgive him for.  But, it is something that I can struggle with sometimes...just letting go of little things that he did “wrong” or could have done differently, so it is good advice, even if I don’t feel it applies specifically to today.

Day 22 -- Assume the best about your husband.  Yeah, this one was a toughie for me today. Mostly because it was one of those Sunday’s where he is completely in “couch potato” mode, we had company, and I am buzzing around doing all sorts of chores and food related things (after being gone for most of the weekend) and he is just sitting there watching the race. I find myself feeling resentful. I try to keep this advice in mind, but it is not working very well for me.  How do I assume the best in this situation?  I can remember many times he HAS helped me. I can think about how he so kindly took Kendall with him on a firewood run this morning, I can think about  how hard he works and how he really needs a day of rest, I can be glad he’s not asking ME for help with a project of his, but still, I felt fairly po’d. I was not exactly sure how to slant what I was feeling into a positive thing.  I would give myself about an “F” on my assignment for today!

Day 23 -- Show respect for your husband.  Jeremy and I didn’t see each other much today, due to him being at work and me having book club tonight, but we did talk on the phone for at least an hour today. We were doing a lot of discussing about budgeting and finances and I felt like I was very respectful of his suggestions and ideas.  One way that I have found to show respect for Jeremy is not to argue with him or second guess his ideas. Yes, good conversation is great in regards to whatever we are trying to decide, but my tone and demeanor can make a big difference in how respected Jeremy feels.

Day 24 -- Do not interrupt your husband while he is talking. I can tell you right now...this will probably be the toughest one I have done so far. I am a horrible interrupter, whether with Jeremy or with my friends. It is how I keep the conversation moving. And, I might add, I do not mind when others interrupt me either. But...I know it is a bad habit and I know that often Jeremy is not finished talking when I add my two cents or even try to finish his sentence for him! Anyway, I did OK but not great at this one. But, at least it raised my awareness of the problem and maybe I can continue to make small progress in this area.  I think Jeremy would thank me!

Day 25 – Ask your husband’s opinion about something.   I do this ALL the time, so this was nothing unusual for me.  Often the phrase “What do you think?” comes out of my mouth. And I do feel like I take his advice into account.  If I don’t want his opinion or if my mind is pretty set, then I usually won’t ask, but many times I appreciate his unique perspective on things and I admire and seek out his wisdom in relation to many things. Today I made sure that I did ask his opinion about something but, like I said, I would guess I pretty much do that every day anyway.

Day 26 – Encourage your husband.  This is something that I should probably do better at, mostly because “words of affirmation” are a huge thing to Jeremy.  I think I would rate myself at about a “5” on a scale  of 1-10 as far as how I do on this. So yes, there is definitely room for improvement.  I was able to encourage Jeremy tonight in regards to the new small group that we are going to be a part of and that we have been asked to lead. We are very nervous and unsure about the whole thing...we’ve never done anything like this before, and so I just encouraged Jeremy in his role with that. He even said “Thank You” to me.

Day 27 -- Do one good thing for his health.  (Examples were: Make a healthy dinner, take a walk together, make an appointment for his annual physical)  Ok, you have to understand my husband. He is by NO means a health nut. Although I feel like one day he will regret it, I can only push it so far. He just had a physical not too long ago, so I wouldn’t pick that one.  He hates to walk even though I ask him various and sundry times to take a walk with me.  I am painting my living room today and had asked him to bring dinner home if he could (so that one is out. And btw, he brought pizza).   He probably would go on a bike ride with me if I asked him too, but frankly, we didn’t really have time. Between him getting home,  us eating supper and then going to a friends’ house tonight, I think that this one just might not happen today.  

Day 28 -- Look at him admiringly. Make sure he sees you looking at him.  I really don’t have much to write about this. I know I said some admiring things about his “fixing things” abilities to my brother, but Jeremy was not around. This was one of those crazy Saturdays where we didn’t see each other much and I am not sure that I got this accomplished.  I didn’t want it to seem fake or try to make something up on the spur of the moment.

Day 29 -- Turn off your cell phone, computer, or the TV when your husband is in the room.  I think that this is a GREAT one!!  And very, very tough for me.  I was on the computer when he got up in the morning, and I did finish up what I was doing (maybe for 5 minutes or so) even after he was in the room. It helped that today we were at church, had potluck, and were at friends’ house in the evening, because I wasn’t around the phone or computer much!  We did, however, watch a TV show together this afternoon! I think that counts as good quality time, though, doesn’t it? I think that this particular one would be good for me to work on as we go, because I know that I am often distracted by my phone or the computer when I should/could be spending more quality time with my man!

Day 30 -- Today’s focus: LOVE.  Well, to me, part of love is making Jeremy dinner, talking with him on the phone, listening to him, and being a friend and a helper.  I had a very busy day, but I felt like I took time for Jeremy.  I made sure to come up from my office when he came home and chat with him when he first got home from work.  We also went on a bike ride together tonight and spent some time watching one of our favorite TV shows together.

 

Summary:  I enjoyed doing this challenge. Sometimes it felt like just "one more thing" to remember each day, but it was really good for me to be intentional about particular aspects of our relationship. Did anything big come of this? Probably not.  Did SOME good come from it? Yes, I would say so.

I didn't tell Jeremy I was doing this and I am pretty sure that he never caught on. But he will...once he reads my blog post. And then I'll have to see what he says!

This past weekend Jeremy and I had the privilege of attending a Generosity conference with some other couples from our Element Bible study group.

It totally rocked our world, let me just put it that way.  It was all about creating a culture of generosity in our own lives and in the lives of the church. It was very motivating and convicting and presented in an interesting and engaging way.

One of the things Jeremy and I really decided to dig into was our personal finances. For a while now, we have known that we needed to "crack down" on our spending, but we just kept putting it off.  It is more fun to just spend money than to have to watch every dollar and where it goes, right?

I am actually feeling really excited to shift our focus away from ourselves and what we can get or what we can buy for ourselves and concentrate on how we can help others and further the kingdom of God by being generous with our time, talents, treasure, and touch (relationships).

There were some pretty sobering statistics given about what Americans spend their money on and how little they give to God or to others.  I would quote some, but I am afraid I would get them wrong, but one that does really stick out was the 94 billion dollars we spend on pop and chips versus the 83 billion that we donated to relief in Haiti.  Wow!!

The speaker also talked about how the church is so slow to address finances or talk about money and how it is, in fact, the job of the church to help people be accountable about their finances and to give them tools to make wise financial decisions and to help them to learn to be generous.

As for me personally, let's just say that my clothing budget has been reduced greatly...down to $25 per month, so I am going to have to make do with what I have for a while. Not that this should really be a problem!

 

While all of this ^^ was great, what I really wanted to write about was how this conference generated a discussion between Jeremy and I and how God used Jeremy to really show me/teach me something.

A little background:  About 3 or 4 years ago, Jeremy and I finally started titheing. After years of making lots of money but never being very disciplined about our giving (we would give here and there, kind of hoping it added up to a tithe, but it usually didn't),  I felt very strongly that we were supposed to start titheing. Jeremy agreed, even though he had recently taken a substantial pay-cut!

We took a big step of faith and just went ahead with it...wondering how we were going to balance our budget while giving away more money.

God has been good.  We have been able to manage and God has blessed us, but not in any big or really obvious way monetarily.

Fast forward to last fall when Jeremy and I were at a fund raiser for a local pregnancy resource center.  We had already written our check out before we went in, but as we sat and listened to the speaker and he talked about being open to the Holy Spirit about how much we should give, Jeremy and I decided to greatly increase the amount of our check.  Like, by 10 times as much as we had originally written it out for.

We felt really good about having obeyed God in that and I remember Jeremy saying to me that he was excited to see how God might reward us for that obedience.

Here's the thing: God is not a genie in a bottle. There is no formula where you put in X and out comes Y.

But, I have heard many, many stories over the years (and again this past weekend) about a situation where people trusted God and in faith gave money only to have that exact amount come back to them in some unexpected form. You know those kinds of stories, right?

As the weekend progressed, I was really struggling with this.  Why is God doing this for all of these other people but not for us?

We obeyed God and started titheing and nothing big happened financially. In fact, the firewood business we started has struggled to even make a profit. 

We obeyed God and gave a very large (for us) donation last fall and never saw a return of that to us in any monetary way.

Now I know God doesn't always bless the generosity of money with the gift of money back to us.  I get that.  But I was just feeling kind of cheated. Like, why don't WE have a story like so many others I have heard?

We were driving home from our friends' house on Saturday night after the conference and Jeremy and I were discussing this.

And he said something that I have been thinking about ever since.

He said "You know what? Maybe God hasn't given us money back for the tithe that we have been faithful in giving. But...look at the friendships that God has blessed us with in the past few years and especially in this past year or two.

You know how if there was ANYTHING that we would want to be blessed in or anything that would be so meaningful to you, it would be relationships?  How you are all about relationships? And when you think about it, aren't those friendships so much more valuable to us than any money or material possessions?"

And he went on to say "Doesn't it just remind you once again that God is a PERSONAL God?  He KNOWS what would mean the most to us and He has blessed us richly in that area!"

I felt kind of ashamed. Here I am wondering why God hasn't blessed us in the way that I think He should. Here I am putting God in my little box and all the while not even making the connection between our giving of our money and His rewarding us so richly in relationships.

I felt in awe of God and His goodness and His richness.

I wonder how many other times I do that? I look for and expect God to bless in a certain way or show up in a certain way and then He DOES bless and He DOES show up and I completely miss it because it wasn't packaged in the way that I thought it should be!!

I just wanted to say a public thanks to God for His blessings and His faithfulness and I want to be a person who chooses to be generous even if/when I maybe don't "see" any return.  Because doesn't obedience itself have its own reward?

...I am facing a dilemma of a less than serious kind.  I need to exercise today.  I was thinking that I would walk for 20 minutes. I just now realized that this afternoon is Derrick's guitar lesson and it is nice outside. Which means I could do my walking while he is there and the other kids play at the school playground.  I LOVE being able to multi-task like that...making use of "free time" while waiting for him to get done with his lesson.

Alas, I have worn high-heeled sandals that are quite inappropriate for walking. 

Now you must know:  There are other things I hate, besides not using my "free time" wisely.  I hate driving out of the way.  Really hate it.

Cannot necessarily explain it rationally, except that it goes against my "efficiency and organization" OCD-ness.  So, do I drive out of my way to go home and  pick up a pair of flip flops, do I skip the walking and do it later, thus not making good use of my free time, or do I stop at Wal-Greens and buy a cheap pair of flip-flops (thus bringing my current count of Flip Flop pairs to 15) so I can walk during guitar lessons?

This is the level of problems I am dealing with today.

 

...I am thinking about the left over meatballs that the boys and Jeremy had for supper last night.  I think I discovered them on Pinterest.  They are super easy-peasy and also super good. I used to slave over my home-made BBQ meatballs (which are awesome, if I do say so myself) but since I found this recipe, I have been opting to make these instead. The boys actually like them better than my homemade ones and Jeremy likes them too. So, in the interest of helping out all my fellow dinner preparers...here it is:

Mix first two things together in a bowl.

Put meatballs in crock pot.  Pour sauce out of bowl and over top of meatballs.

Set crock pot on low for 3 - 4 hours. 

That's it.  Seriously. How much easier could it be? And, like I said, they are super yummy!

Oh, and PS. The reason that only Jeremy and the boys had the meatballs is because Nikki and I went on a date. Which involved Subway and watching "The 3 Stooges" at the theater.

 

...I took my children out for a special breakfast at McDonald's today. We have never before done this on a school morning. It required a bit of planning ahead, going to bed early the night before and getting up early (6:15 AM) and after getting ready, heading up to town.  I had promised the kids that we would do this sometime this spring, after Nikki randomly suggested it one morning a few weeks ago.  Today was the day!

They wanted eggs and bacon (sausage for Nikki) and pancakes, so we ordered our own version of "The Big Breakfast."  We sat in the booth at McDonald's and I watched them eat their yummy food and drink their drinks of choice. Orange juice for Nikki, chocolate milk for Kendall and Sprite for Derrick.

I watched and did NOT eat because I am going for round #2 of the Flat Belly Diet and I am in the 4 day jump start part of the diet, which is where you may only chew on celery and eat plain rice.  OK...its not quite that bad, but almost.  But, no fear, I was quite satisfied because I had already eaten my cup of cornflakes with skim milk and eaten my 1/2 a cup of blueberries. Ha, ha!  This time, my sister Debbie and I are keeping each other accountable with our diets and I am hoping it goes better than last round, wherein part way through the 4 weeks I got SUCH a craving for sweets that I went and bought a whole cake at our local grocery store's bakery.  And then ate a lot of it. With ice cream.

 

...I just broke one of my most favorite dangly necklaces when I bent over to get a manilla folder and it caught on my chair on the way back up.  I think I may have sworn. Maybe just said "Crap", I'm not sure.  It may not have helped that this particular necklace had already been broken by Nikki at another time and I now have it duct taped together. Yes, you heard me. Duct taped.  But...the duct tape is hidden under my hair and plus, the necklace is kind of "duct tape colored" anyway. Although I am not certain that is how Maurice's would have advertised it!  I am hoping that Jeremy has a magic potion with which he can fix it. 

 

...At McDonald's, I ran into an old boss/used to go to church with him/our families have been friends since my childhood guy. He told me that he sometimes reads my blog.  Which prompted me to say that I am always kind of taken off guard or surprised by who reads my blog and that I know that when I have a public blog, anyone can read it, but when someone I don't expect tells me they sometimes read it, I kind of internally freak out for an instant. Until I realize that it is what it is, and I am being myself on my blog and if they don't like what they see there, then they probably don't like me either, and that is OK. And if they do like it, then great! 

We got to talking about books and he recommended two of them to me.  One I had already read but the other was "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller.  I know you all know I love books and I love to read, but do you know that often when someone recommends a book to me and I look it up and think I would like it for myself, I buy it right on the spot. Usually from Amazon. And usually for $4 - $8, with shipping.

I like to own books. And even though it may be a while till I get a chance to read this book, I think it looks really good and I want to have it in my library.  The girls from book club kind of laugh at me, because, while they all get their books each month from the library, I buy mine about 90% of the time. 

Just last week as well, I ordered a book that another friend recommended. I haven't even received that one yet. To me, books are a great investment.  And I don't like to borrow them from other people. I like to have them. But, I do not mind at all when others borrow books from me. 

 

...I snapped a couple of pictures of our beach towels, hung out on the porch, with SNOW on them.  I was maybe going to do a whole post based on this but I don't know if I can.  Its just that on Saturday it was 70 degrees and sunny and the kids were actually playing in the foot or so of water in the bottom of our pool. They had the beach towels out and I hung them on the side porch to dry out.  And then Monday morning it started to snow.

And now there are beach towels on the railings...covered with snow.  It just kind of reminded me of how life is sometimes.  A picture of how things can change so quickly and how sometimes what we expect just gets blown out of the water.  Anyway...you can draw your own further analogies.

 

...I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed the input and comments on my post yesterday.  I love that feedback. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I have such wise friends and you all gave me more to think about!  And thanks to those of you who have written me or told me in person, lately, that you appreciate my blog.  That means a lot to me.  I love to write and I am glad for those who are willing to read what I write.  You've got the tough part of the job!

 

...I am feeling happy and spring-y and the sun is shining outside.  Hopefully, I can spread that cheer to those around me!  It is a good day! 

I know that I have written some more serious blog posts in the last while.

And I do have a lot of serious thoughts and what some might even consider "deep" thoughts...although that is a very subjective term, in my opinion.

I love to write about that sort of thing and about what God is doing in my heart and about what is going on in my mind.

But when too many people mention how they really appreciate what I write or they comment on the way I inspired them, etc., I feel something within me start to worry that I cannot live up to their high expectations.

I so appreciate that feedback and input and those encouraging comments. Don't get me wrong.

I just don't want to feel boxed in as a writer or a blogger. Yes, I can be serious.  But then I get tired of being all serious and sometimes I just want to write about something shallow. 

I can only be deep and kind of heavy for so long and then I need to break out of that.  I think I fear being labeled or that if I write too many "inspiring" type of posts, then people will be disappointed at my shallowness later on, which is inevitably coming, sooner or later. I'm no Ann Voskamp. Let me tell you.

I don't know if this makes sense to anybody else, but this is me, writing about something shallow.  Lowering your expectations so that you are pleasantly surprised when something inspiring does happen to come from me.

Ok?

So...the first word of the day that randomly appeared on "random word generator" was "instrumental."

But honestly, that sounded too serious to me.  I could write about people who were instrumental in my life, I could write about defining moments or how God uses certain circumstances in an instrumental way, but I was SO not in that mode. I was looking for shallow.

And then "anorak" came along next and rescued me.

Thank you...Anorak.  (Gentle applause, please!)

Seriously, I am surprised this word is not a boys' name. It totally sounds like something a celebrity would name their kid.

Now that I think about it, I feel like it could be for either a boy or a girl.  So, you brave souls, go for it!

I will admit, I had to google "meaning of anorak" because I am not certain I had ever heard of the word before.

It means a "light jacket or windbreaker."  Or, as they say in England (cue the British accent)...a "wind cheater." I find that to be very funny, for some reason.

Cheating the wind.  I kind of doubt it.  Deflecting it, maybe.  Cheating it?  Um...no matter if you are wearing your "wind cheater" or not, I am pretty certain the wind is going to keep on blowing and is not going to feel the least bit cheated.  But maybe that's just me.

 

I thought I would show you the jacket that I am wearing today. Because I kind of love it. Even though it is bright pink.  Or, for me, maybe BECAUSE it is bright pink.  I am not sure that it actually fits the technical definition of the true anorak, but I think it is close enough.  If it was made out that vinyl, slippery sort of material, I would feel like it totally fit the bill.  Instead, it is a sort of denim kind of material.

This is what I am wearing to work today.  Along with white pants, which hopefully will stay white for the entire day, and these shoes...

Yes, they are bright pink high heels. And when I bought them at my friend Morgan's store the only comment she made as I was checking out was that they "looked like me."  Which is code for:  Goodness, I would never wear those.

But I'm Ok with that.  Because they are "me" and I am very much cheered up today by my bright pink high heels.

And for all of you OCD people out there, my shoes and my (so called) anorak are NOT a shade off, as they appear in these pictures.

In fact, I feel like they are perfectly coordinating.  But unless you stop it to see me at the pellet mill, I guess you'll never know!

So...Cheers!

Happy (shallow) Thursday to you!

 

Benediction:  "May your day be full of bright colors and may you keep your face towards the sun and may you cheat the wind."  (Yeah, let me know how THAT works out for you!)

I had an unexpected day at home yesterday...thanks to the pink eye virus that my Nikki caught.

Pink eye is not nearly as pretty as pink hair.  Just FYI. 

I figured I should take the opportunity to work on cleaning out my (mess of a) closet and some drawers that have gotten so full I can barely close them.

Jeremy told me that I NEEDED to get my shoes/boots/sandals mess under control because it was taking over our closet.  It was true! They were like a stampeding herd that just kept inching towards the door and hogging more and more of our floor space.

I wrangled the herd back under control and now they are all nicely lined up. It makes me feel happy when I look at them.  I did some counting. (Did I mention that I kinda sorta have a shoe/boot addiction?)  I have 14 pairs of flip flops, just under 20 pairs of strappy type of sandals, 8 pairs of high heeled pumps, 3 pairs of flats, probably about 12 -15 pairs of boots, and 3 pairs of tennis shoes.  (I may have missed some.)  The bad news...I only could bring myself to get rid of about 5 pairs out of my entire collection, and the count was taken AFTER I had gotten rid of those pairs.  I fear I have hoarder tendencies.  Help!!

I moved on to my underwear drawer, my pj/swimsuit drawer, my cami drawer (I didn't count, but I must have a good 20 - 25 camis and tank tops...never want to be without a certain color when you might want it, right?) and my skirt drawers. One for short skirts and one for long skirts.

Anyway, in my "cami drawer" I also happen to have a few random coupons and pieces of paper, etc.  A $20 off coupon to The Melting Pot (for whenever we might go again), some little coupons from the kids for work they offered to do for me, an expired restaurant coupon that I am hoping I didn't pay more than $2 for, a video that we borrowed from friends and never watched nor returned (shame on us, its probably been 2 years), an old Kohl's coupon, etc. 

But amongst those papers, I found "the list".  I almost threw it away because it doesn't really apply anymore, but then something made me fold it back up and put it back in my drawer.  Mostly because I feel like I don't want to forget what it represents to me.

It is a typed up (alphabetically, of course, how else would you type up a list? ) list of friends that I had.  It was probably done about 4 or 5 years ago.

Pardon me if I have blogged about this before, but I have been thinking about this subject a LOT lately.

About friends.

And how super special my friends are to me.  About how much I value each and every one of them and the part that they play in my life.

But, rewind about 5 years and I was feeling very friendless.

I specifically remember driving home from town one day and thinking "Wow! I just have hardly any friends!" and feeling quite sorry for poor little me.

(Now, I have had friends through the years, but at this particular time of my life it just felt like I was missing a lot of that close friend connection and a lot of my good friends lived far away as well, which made it harder.)

I remember quite clearly that I just felt like God was saying to me "So...what will you do about it?  Remember that verse that says someone who has friends must show herself friendly?  Get off your butt, girl, and quit feeling sorry for yourself!"  (Paraphrased a bit)

I had the idea (dorky as it may be) to write down a  list of the friends I DID have and to make a conscious effort to connect with those friends.

I made a list of "nearby" friends and a list of "far away" friends and I decided that every week I would try to get together with 1 nearby friend and would send a card to one far away friend.

I think there were about 30 people on the list.

I embarked on the journey. I contacted the first person on the list and asked if they wanted to come over for a few hours. I mailed out a card.

The next week, I got together with another friend for lunch and mailed out another card.

I loved connecting and re-connecting with these people who were already in my life.  I felt hopeful and less sorry for myself.

I kept doing that for a number of weeks. I know I never did get the whole way through the list because something happened in my life (summer, maybe, and kids off school) and then I just never quite picked it back up.

But something changed inside of me. 

You could look at this and say it was selfish of me and that I was using friendships to feel better about myself, but don't we all, to a certain extent?

Connection with others feeds a need that is deep inside of us (some more than others) and there is something about giving AND taking in relationships that grows and stretches us and hopefully makes us better, more well-rounded people.

 

Fast forward 5 years and I am facing a different problem.  I have so many friends that I hardly know how to keep up.  I feel like I cannot spend the time (whether in person, or on the phone) that I want to with each of my friends.

I was talking to someone about how hard it is for me, at times, to keep up with my phone friends. We schedule calls ahead of time (normally) because of how busy life can be at this stage.  But still, talking on the phone can be hard to do when you have kids. They seem to always want things right then and since you can't really focus on what they want, you just hand them random stuff.

You want three cookies? Ok. Here you go.  You want to watch more TV?  No prob.  A can of pop?  Have at it. You want to play outside without a coat or shoes?  Sure, you have my permission.  Just go!

The person I was talking to about this (I won't call you out here ) suggested that I just let go of some of my out-of-the-area friendships. 

To me, that is not even an option.  I could list to you at least 10 people who I talk to on a regular or somewhat regular basis who do not live close to me geographically.  But just because we are not close in distance does not mean they are not very valuable to me and very close to my heart.  I think about these friends a lot. I pray for them. I wonder how they are.  And we talk on the phone or text as we can. 

Maybe I need to learn to keep my conversations shorter (anyone who talks to me on the phone knows that this is a problem for me, because once I get on the phone...there is just always so much to say and to hear) but the idea of giving up on friendships that are sometimes hard for me to keep up with...NO WAY!

I realize that every friendship has its own rhythm and that friendships do come and go over the years. But I don't take my friendships lightly and I know that when you find a kindred spirit or someone you really connect with (especially as an adult) you should not let that go easily.  Plus, each person represents something very special to me. In every friendship we have certain things that we talk about and connect about and each friendship has its own special value to me.

 

And then, I have my friends around here, which I am SO thankful for.  There is my core group of friends who I get to spend time with every week and that I thank God so much for bringing into my life...(Love you girls) and then there are the local friends that I don't see as often, but we get together for drinks & dinner as we can. Or we go to each other's houses.  Again, I value these friendships and each one provides a unique perspective and input into my life. 

Plus, there is my book club group and my sisters, who I try to get together with from time to time.    There are also the friends who I don't see very often and don't talk to in between much, but when we do see each other, we pick up right where we left off.  Those friends are so important to me too!

And last but certainly not least, I have many friends that I have made over the internet that I communicate with mostly by Facebook or blogging.  These are friends that have had a huge impact in my life, each in their own special way. Some I have met in real life (yay!) and some I have not. Some I hope to still meet one day.  But the impact of all of those friendships remains and is something that I really value as well.

But how to balance it all?  That is what I have been thinking about.  I never want to be a person who says "I have enough of friends. I'm not really looking for more!" because what if people had said that when I was the one who was looking for friends?

I know that some people you just don't connect with and that is totally cool.  But I always want to be open to new friendships. Not to force them, but to allow them to happen naturally and in their own way. And when that does happen, I want to be open to that and to engage in those relationships.

 

I feel like God blessed that effort 5 years ago to reach out and put energy into friendships and He blessed it in a much bigger way than I could have imagined.  Truly. But isn't that how God is?  Just extravagant and blessing us beyond our wildest dreams when we take a step of faith and obedience.  I feel so very grateful and I don't want to ever forget where I was at that point in my life and how blessed I am now in real and close relationships.

I think that is why I kept that list.  Because I don't want to forget how it feels to be lonely and I don't want to take my friendships for granted. Ever.

 

So...

How do you balance friends and family (kids and husband)  and responsibilities and work?  How often do you go out with friends? How often do you talk to long distance friends on the phone?  Can you have too many friends? Does it ever stress you out or do you feel like you are failing certain friends because you can't connect with them as often as you would like?  Do you sometimes have to say "No" to getting together with friends?  What do you find works to stay connected with friends?

Do tell. 

Today I just feel tired.  And weary.

I drag myself out of bed, get everybody breakfast and off to school we go.

I get all of the kids dropped off at their respective schools and I call Jeremy to chat while I drive the remaining 5 minutes to my job. That is my morning routine on the days I work.

He can hear it in my voice almost as soon as he picks up the phone. And I am too weary to even try forced cheerfulness. Sometimes I do that just so I don't get the questions that I don't want to answer.

He says "You sound tired" and I don't even try to argue. I just say "I am" and swallow the lump in my throat. Sympathy always makes me choke up when I am feeling down and I don't want to cry right before I walk into work. 

He changes the subject.

We chat a little bit about the weather (sunny...high of 52 degrees) and then he asks again "Are you OK?"

I'm really not, but I say "Yes" anyway, because I have no idea what is wrong.  I say "I'm just tired. Its been a busy week" and try to keep from crying.  He says "Are you sure that's all?" and I say "Yeah." 

And maybe that's all it is.

Maybe I'm hormonal.  That seems likely.

Maybe it is something deeper that I am fighting but I don't have enough clarity to even know what that might be.

Sometimes a Mom just gets weary.  Tired of the silly little battles and the endless chores and the run here, do this, "Hey, honey, could you do this for me?" and "Mom, I need your help with this" type of stuff. 

I remember the quote from an article that I read a while back where the writer likened our daily struggles to "death by a thousand paper cuts" and I know what she means.

I worry that all things are not well in my world and that my weary days are just showing what is really happening and the cheery days are me trying to cover up what is really bothering me.  But I'm not even sure what it is. It all seems so vague and abstract.

Life can be hard.

I am reminded of conversations that I have just this week.

The friend who works full-time, has 3 kids who are in sports, a husband and a house to take care of and who is feeling completely overwhelmed right now.

She said "I know I have SO much to be thankful for and I shouldn't even complain about anything."

I told her that just because it "could be worse" and others have struggled more does not invalidate your current struggles. 

Otherwise, as people who are priviledged to live in the United States and have things much better than most of the world, we would never be allowed to feel sad or upset or to complain about anything. Because it could be worse.

Yes, I think it is great to have an attitude of thankfulness towards God and realize what you are blessed with and keep that perspective, but that doesn't mean that life is not stressful and that you don't have tough days sometimes.

And its OK to admit that and work through it.

I was with another friend this week who is walking through a tough time with her daughter and my heart goes out to her.  She's a Mom like me, with a Mother's heart for her daughter, and when she sees her daughter struggling, it hurts her own heart.

She wonders where she might have gone wrong and if she is handling everything correctly now?

Big questions without definite answers.  The sort of things that keeps us Mothers awake at night.

And just because there is another family who recently lost a teenager daughter in an accident does not mean that my friend shouldn't feel her own grief about the issues with her daughter.

Someone else's pain does not negate our own struggle.

I have a dear friend who just lost a baby to a miscarriage and I can't get her off my mind.  I have never experienced this, but it seems like SUCH a difficult thing to walk through.  My heart aches for her.

And yet, with all of my blessings, today I feel crappy.

I feel sad.  I feel on the verge of tears and I am not even sure why.

 

But God...

Yeah, but God...

God who is rich in mercy.  God who loves me and cares about me and my crappy, hormonal day.

God who has me on this journey of growth and learning and God who walks beside me...God reminded me ever so gently of what His truth is.

Truth is always present. It is just our choice whether we believe it or not.

I am doing this "Joy Dare" challenge with some friends and the assignment for today was to write down three of God's promises.

I could think of one that is meaningful to me right off hand.

The verse that says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" so I wrote that one down.

And then, because my mind was blank and my energy level low, I googled "Promises of God."

Guess what verses showed up on the page that came up and just hit me right between my weary eyes.

 

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless."  Isaiah 40:29a

AND

Friday when I went to the doctor to have a routine exam done, the nurse who took my blood pressure and checked my pulse asked me if I “smoked cigarettes.” I said “No”, maybe with a tad of piousness, and then she asked if I am exposed to any second-hand smoke. Again, I said no.

But, I am kind of feeling like she asked me the wrong question. She should have asked me about second-hand guilt. Because that, my friend, I HAVE been exposed to.

Not that I would have technically considered that question an appropriate one to be coming from a nurse at the clinic, but it would have at least been more relevant to my life and my health. At least to my emotional health.

Do you know what I mean by second-hand guilt?

It is what hounds you on a beautiful, lazy Saturday. A day where you really don’t have that much on your agenda other than maybe making some popcorn and maybe some (optional) lunch for the family, making sure the boys get their residual homework done, and preparing a lesson for the little kids’ Sunday school class tomorrow.

You picture just sitting around getting the rest of that book finished so you can discuss it accurately at book club on Monday night.

You picture hanging out in your pj’s and never even venturing outside, unless to take a lazy walk that you WANT to take...not HAVE to take.

You think of puttering and coziness and yummy food and family warmth.

And then your husband wakes up all energetic and before you ever even get out of bed, he has been out in his shop welding AND has taken a 5 mile bike ride. (No lie.)

He’s like a junkie and his adrenaline of choice is to work harder than he has any other Saturday of his life. He's like the energizer bunny all hopped up on Monster energy drink.

He goes for a haircut, comes home, quickly changes his clothing and rushes back out the door. When I stop him to ask what he is going outside to do, he graces me with a 10 second pause in which he said curtly “Work”.

Now, he never said I should come and help. He never said “You lazy girl...sitting around in that house all day.”

But those things are what the voices in my head are telling me.

If I was home alone, I would be SO content to putter the day away. I would revel in it. Relish it. Bask in its deliciousness.

But this second-hang guilt is nagging at my heart. Making me feel like a loser. Because the contrast between what I will accomplish today and what he will accomplish today is stark.

Does it matter? Maybe not. Did he ask for my help? No, but I know it is always welcome.

I despise second-hand guilt. Because if I am going to feel guilty, I at least want a reasonable action that I committed to back up the feeling of guilt. I want it to be guilt-worthy.

So, I putter. I sit around catching up on Facebook, watching “The Amazing Race” with the kids and reading my book.

I bring some laundry up from the basement, but I don’t fold it. I text my friend about tonight’s activities.

But that little guilt-monster is sitting on my shoulder and hounding me with its nasty little comments.

By now, all of the kids are outside also helping Jeremy work. I can hear loud music coming from the shop. Maybe they think that music makes work fun. Who knows?

And I know myself good enough to know that after I push it off a little longer, I’ll throw on a sweatshirt and my boots and I will make my way out there. If not to help, at least to be supportive and see what is going on.

But why?

I was perfectly happy in my little Saturday bubble before he burst it with his all-fired enthusiasm for all things not couch-potato related.

And here is what confounds me even further. I can be buzzing around doing a hundred different things and if HE is in relaxed mode, it doesn’t seem to bother him one iota. The irony of that is astounding.

Is it a woman thing? Do we just like guilt so much that we’ll even pick it up second-hand?

Now that I think about, maybe I WON’T go out there and see if I can lend a hand. Maybe I’ll just sit here and be lazy.

Maybe I will surprise myself. Its a bad thing to always be so predictable anyway, isn’t it? Or at least, so I have heard. Don’t the experts say you should always keep that element of surprise in your marriage? Granted, this may not be what they are talking about, but since they didn’t specify clearly enough, I am thinking that this qualifies.

Maybe I WILL finish that book. Maybe I WILL let that laundry sit in the basket until 3 PM. Maybe I WILL. And then I’ll be refreshed enough to start my very own campaign.

Its catch-phrase just might be: “Just say No. To second-hand guilt.”