April 24, 2013

  • You don’t know what you don’t know…

    Last week I read the following story that someone had posted on Facebook.  Maybe you saw it too. Maybe you had a completely different reaction than I did.  But the idea for writing this post has been swirling around in my head ever since.

    Here is the article I read –

    Dear Mom On the iPhone,

    I see you over there on the bench, messing on your iPhone. It feels good to relax a little while your kids have fun in the sunshine, doesn’t it? You are doing a great job with your kids, you work hard, you teach the
    m manners, have them do their chores.

    But Mom, let me tell you what you don’t see right now…..

    Your little girl is spinning round and round, making her dress twirl. She is such a little beauty queen already, the sun shining behind her long hair. She keeps glancing your way to see if you are watching her.

    You aren’t.

    Photo: Dear Mom On the iPhone,</p>
<p>I see you over there on the bench, messing on your iPhone. It feels good to relax a little while your kids have fun in the sunshine, doesn’t it? You are doing a great job with your kids, you work hard, you teach them manners, have them do their chores.</p>
<p>But Mom, let me tell you what you don’t see right now…..</p>
<p>Your little girl is spinning round and round, making her dress twirl. She is such a little beauty queen already, the sun shining behind her long hair. She keeps glancing your way to see if you are watching her.</p>
<p>You aren’t.</p>
<p>Your little boy keeps shouting, “Mom, MOM watch this!” I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way.</p>
<p>He sees that too. His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he finds the next cool thing to do.</p>
<p>Now you are pushing your baby in the swing. She loves it! Cooing and smiling with every push. You don’t see her though, do you? Your head is bent, your eyes on your phone as you absently push her swing.</p>
<p>Talk to her. Tell her about the clouds, Mommy. The Creator who made them. Tickle her tummy when she comes near you and enjoy that baby belly laugh that leaves far too quickly.</p>
<p>Put your eyes back on your prize…Your kids.</p>
<p>Show them that they are the priority. Wherever you are, be ALL there. I am not saying it’s not ok to check in on your phone, but it’s a time-sucker: User Beware!</p>
<p>Play time at the park will be over before you know it.</p>
<p>The childhood of your children will be gone before you know it.</p>
<p>They won’t always want to come to the park with you, Mommy. They won’t always spin and twirl to make their new dress swish, they won’t always call out, “WATCH ME!”</p>
<p>There will come a point when they stop trying, stop calling your name, stop bothering to interrupt your phone time.</p>
<p>Because they know…</p>
<p>You’ve shown them, during all of these moments, that the phone is more important than they are. They see you looking at it at while waiting to pick up brother from school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime…..</p>
<p>I know that’s not true, Mommy.</p>
<p>I know your heart says differently.</p>
<p>But your kids can’t hear your words, Mommy. Your actions are screaming way too loudly.</p>
<p>May our eyes rest upon those we love, first and foremost, and may everything else fall away in the wonderful, noisy, sticky-fingered glory of it all. ♥

    Your little boy keeps shouting, “Mom, MOM watch this!” I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way.

    He sees that too. His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he finds the next cool thing to do.

    Now you are pushing your baby in the swing. She loves it! Cooing and smiling with every push. You don’t see her though, do you? Your head is bent, your eyes on your phone as you absently push her swing.

    Talk to her. Tell her about the clouds, Mommy. The Creator who made them. Tickle her tummy when she comes near you and enjoy that baby belly laugh that leaves far too quickly.

    Put your eyes back on your prize…Your kids.

    Show them that they are the priority. Wherever you are, be ALL there. I am not saying it’s not ok to check in on your phone, but it’s a time-sucker: User Beware!

    Play time at the park will be over before you know it.

    The childhood of your children will be gone before you know it.

    They won’t always want to come to the park with you, Mommy. They won’t always spin and twirl to make their new dress swish, they won’t always call out, “WATCH ME!”

    There will come a point when they stop trying, stop calling your name, stop bothering to interrupt your phone time.

    Because they know…

    You’ve shown them, during all of these moments, that the phone is more important than they are. They see you looking at it at while waiting to pick up brother from school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime…..

    I know that’s not true, Mommy.

    I know your heart says differently.

    But your kids can’t hear your words, Mommy. Your actions are screaming way too loudly.

    May our eyes rest upon those we love, first and foremost, and may everything else fall away in the wonderful, noisy, sticky-fingered glory of it all.

     

    (End of article)

     

    I read this and my reaction was anger and frustration.  And some other emotions that I couldn’t initially identify.  (Just to be clear…nothing at all against the friend who posted this on her Facebook, this has nothing to do with her.)

    Here’s the thing:  You don’t know what you don’t know.

    Maybe this Mom just spent the morning baking cookies with her kids and her phone was not even turned on.

    Maybe she’s going through a really rough time in her life and she is busy texting a friend, who is her lifeline right now.

    Maybe just this morning she contemplated getting in her car, dropping her kids off with her Mother, and just driving.  Not knowing where she is going or when she will be back.  Just leaving.  And inside, she pulled herself together, grabbed her three kids and her phone, and took them to the park.  She said to herself “If I can just make it through today…”

    Maybe, just maybe, she knows what I know.  That kids will NEVER get tired of your attention even if you give it to them all of the time.  They will want more.  And more. And they will suck you dry.  Maybe she believes that it is OK for kids to have to entertain themselves sometimes.  Honestly, I think its cool that she even TOOK them to the park.  She could have sat inside and watched TV all day.

    Maybe she’s struggling as a Mom and God only knows that if she HAD to be present with her kids every moment of every day, she wouldn’t be able to do it.  She would literally have to run away.  That she feels this pressure on her chest all the time…and elephant of guilt and “should have’s” and “I’m not enoughs.”

    Yes, our children are growing up.  No, they won’t always want us to take them to the park.  But that’s how life is.  Things change.  Children grow up.  And its a good thing.  You can’t keep them in a time warp.

    I get the idea of enjoying moments with your children.  I think it is important!  I know that I will one day look back and say “Wow! Weren’t those the days?”  But I think that right now a lot of times.  But that doesn’t mean that I am always fully present to watch every little stunt my boys do or see every twirly-dance my daughter does.

    They need me, yes.  They need my love and attention and acceptance.  I am important in their lives. 

    But I am not their whole world. And they aren’t mine.   I have a life of my own too.  And its OK if I want to live it. 

    And if that includes taking them to a park and then sitting there and reading a book or chatting with a girlfriend or being on my phone while they play, then don’t try to make me feel guilty about it.  They’re fine.  They’re totally fine. 

    Maybe this feeling of anger and frustration and “I don’t know if I can breathe” comes from a place in my life right now where I feel suffocated by the needs of those around me.  I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I need to do some things for me.  I don’t want to resent my children.  I am so happy they are in my life and I was the one who chose to be a Mother.  I know that! 

    But I need some space.  I need some breathing room.  I need to stop worrying about how every decision might impact their fragile physche.  I need to be able to frickin’ be on my phone while they play at the park. 

    Because without that balance and without feeding my own soul and without setting boundaries, I can’t even be a Mom.

    I think I am just sick and tired of the pressure.  All the time.  I just want to live.  I want to enjoy the moments that I get and the ones that slip by…well, so what? 

    I realize that this might seem controversial.  I know this article that I copied here was meant to be written in a sweet and caring and non-judgmental way.  But am I the only one who still feels the judgment?  Subtle as it may be.  We are assuming a lot of negative things about this Mom. And we don’t even know her!! 

    I feel naked and vulnerable in writing this post.  But it has been in my head ever since last Friday and I can’t get it out.  So here is my bumbling attempt to express myself. 

Comments (34)

  • oh my dear friend!!!!!!!!!!  i read this too.  I felt guilty.  I felt like i am the worst mom ever.  I am sure it was not ment for that.  I just think with facebook, pinterest and such there has become this all new expectation of what is a perfect mom.  I see what friends are doing with their kids and i feel inadequate.  I wonder if my kids will look back and think, why didn’t mom do more with us??  yikes, this is a whole other long conversation!!!  time for a phone date?!!  love you for sharing this!

  • As the father of a daughter and a son, the original Facebook article got to me, as I always tell people this, too.  Enjoy them while you can, I say, for all too soon they will be gone.  That said, I missed more of my kids’ childhood than I would have preferred, or they would have preferred. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped, but others it was my own fault.

    Now my kids are grown.  They still need me sometimes, but not as much as I would like.  The same is true for my wife, whom I didn’t always appreciate as much as I should have.  Now, as much as I try to remind her of the nearly 30 years of love and standing by each other in good times and bad that we have shared, I fear I may lose her soon, and have to move on in this journey we call life.

  • Great post by the way.  Well articulated and thought provoking!!

  • I guess I can sort of see both sides, but I will say that if does bother me when people are not present in present moment with whoever they are with and lay aside the phone out of courtesy.  Really WHAT is so important that that conversation can’t wait?  My experience is that often phone texting is so shallow and superficial anyway.
    Yes, the points you made could be possible, BUT I think the original facebook was just trying to get each one to look at themselves and ponder what really matters!  IMHO

  • I like your point of view Audrey. And how do we know if we’re ever getting that balance right? the kids for sure, are not going to tell us. They might be grateful to us that we allowed them to develope self-entertaining skills, or they might be resentful  that we weren’t present enough in their lives. We don’t know what life events are going to shape their view of our parenting of them. I prly would tend to agree w/ you, kids will suck up all the attention we want to give them and then some, and at one point  is it too much that  they become little queens (or kings) of their universe and think it’s all about them??  I would prly err on the side of letting children figure out their own entertainment, vs. being a helicopter mom who feels respondsible for every second of their happiness. 

  • aug, thank you so much for taking the time to write out my thoughts about this as well! i’m sure you know where i might stand on this. :) lol. 

    several of my fb friends have shared it, and i always feel some smug, snarky little thoughts running through my head like, “oh what happened this morning that you had to post that and feel good about yourself?” lol. my uncalled for judgment, too. ha. 

    i am totally the mom on her phone at softball practice, at gymnastics, at the frickin park, at the groc store, at the bday party. yes, i try to moderate it, but it is also a very big tool in my time management dept.  i run my own biz and yet, with my fam’s sched, i cant sit in my office from 9-5 m-f….however, i do need to be available. so my iphone is one of the most important tools that helps me take my office on the go and stay in touch w/ my clients.  i do have time limits such as if i am involved in a fam activity in the eve after 5 and my client’s inquiry/msg does not require an urgent response, i will totally let it go for later.

    i’ve gotten over the judgement i might feel from others around me for being on my phone, and i always remind myself your very own words, “they don’t know what they dont know!”

    i also have books downloaded on my phone. it’s so freaking handy….one small device to slip in my back pocket or purse, rather than carrying around a daytimer/calendar, several books, flash cards for the kids, coloring books, a calculator, a laptop or ipad. seriously, it’s one handy little device….that, yes, could be used for evil. but come on, people, let’s embrace the digital era. it’s here whether we deny it or not. self-govern!!  

    ok. rant over. ;) lol. 

  • Ok…another possibility?

    I struggled to be a part time worker, and a full time mom.
    When i was raising my daughter, other parents were being told that it was ok to send your kid to day care—at six weeks. That struck me as cold. I had my daughter, and wanted to raise her myself. My husband and I sacrificed the extra income, because we felt that it was more important for her to have an at home parent. (I worked at night, and on Saturdays.)

    Teachers SNARKED at me. I was told (not to subtly) that I was a BAD PARENT for not “socializing my daughter” at an earlier age. (Ie, sending her to day care). Other parents (both working full time) looked down their noses at our older cars. We could afford BETTER, if only we both were “willing” to work full time.

    The thing is…as our kids got older, those “well adjusted, mature day care kids” started having a lot more issues. Lots of them needed anti-anxiety meds before they were 18. And don’t hate me for saying this, but their parents were convinced that the kids could raise themselves. On weekends, they tackled chores, and shopping—grateful that their kids were on the computer…”entertaining or educating themselves.”

    A week ago, I went to my daughter’s college to make sure she was ok…(we are not far from Boston, and live in different towns.) When I got there, I found myself hugging not just her…but two of her roommates. A lot of the young 20′s love their parents—but find them unapproachable. You get trust and connection by paying attention.

    No, I don’t know that mom didn’t just finish baking cookies, or what not…but I’ve seen parents who are TETHERED to their electronics, and ignore all else. I’ve grabbed runaway toddlers—who’s parents had NO idea their kid had taken off. The author of that piece probably noticed it too.

    I’ve witnessed what happens to a generation of kids who don’t feel connected.

    Is it really too much to ask any parent to put down the gadget in the playground?

  • i had read this article awhile back, and while i can’t remember my initial reaction, it does seem a little harsh and judgmental to me. i totally get where the author is coming from, because i know some people are too connected to their technology (since i don’t have a smart phone, i am not connected in public where people can see and judge me, but i can’t say i have found the balance at home). but this just seems to make a lot of assumptions and i like your thoughts on the subject. 

    and i think there is way too much mommy judgment out there, and it needs to stop. most of us are doing the best we can. sure we can and should improve, but there is a way to be encouraging without making one feel like a failure, and yes, there are some truly bad moms out there, but a lot of the judgment that’s so prevalent is not directed at those moms- it’s for the ones who love their kids but don’t mother like we think they should. and we don’t have their children, we don’t have their personality, we don’t know the whole circumstance. 

  • I haven’t read your other commenters yet, but I agree with you 100%. I was SO annoyed by that. Yes, I get that people are on their devices a lot these days and also that some people ignore their kids and that some people do both of those at the same time. However I can think of a zillion legitimate reasons a person might NEED to be on their phone while at the park with their kids.

    I love my kids, I enjoy them. Sometimes I do need to slow down and savor. Someone else being irritated that I’m on my phone, however, has nothing to do with that. LOL

  • Oh and also it reminds me of a quote I read this morning. It’s not specifically connected to it, but it reminded me of it because of woman -to woman judgment that’s really popular right now:

    Girls compete with each other. Women empower one another.

    Let’s all take 3 seconds of our lives before we condemn an entire group of people for making a different choice than we did. Why is it that no one understands that every single individual/family/mom/child is different and things that work for you may not work for them.

  • soooo freaking awesome that you wrote this!!

  • You’re brave to take on touchy subjects, Aug.

    I’ve seen the article circulating but I didn’t read it till now.  Balance is so, so good and while the person who wrote the post above had good intentions and probably spoke to some people who needed to hear what she had to say, your post goes deeper and has a great perspective on parenting.  Bravo.

  • I can  agree with this! glad you wrote…

  • Hello. No you do not know me and I dont know you. I am a friend of one of your friends:) and she recommended this . Just wanted to tell you thank you for this post, I too am guilty as charged I have SOOOO done this very thing. Sometimes as an out for myself but also just for a new view for my kids. I DO EVERYTHING with my kids and the person at the park may not even know that and it feels awful that I may be labeled as a bad mom because I needed “AIR”. When I read this on fb I was hit with the reality that i have been there done that, then it went to guilt and next I was kinda mad. I try very hard to be a good mom. Ok Enough said as a guest. Thanks for your honesty.

  •  I totally get this post!! I’m about to hit that wall right now and the last thing I need is people that don’t even know me, judging me. 

  • love that you took this on, audrey! i remember first reading it when i was getting my hair colored last time and i got so upset.. i ended up talking to my hair dresser {a guy} about it. and do you know what he said? “just this morning i had a lady in my chair that was on her freakin phone the whole time. i admit i started to get really annoyed. like can’t you put the thing down already. then, she apologized after awhile and shared with me that her mom was in the hospital in the final stages of cancer and they were expecting her to die any day… it was her sister and brother she had been on the phone with trying to make arrangements for that time coming. i felt awful…. ”

    and i thought as he told me that, and then again reading your post, YES!! you have NO IDEA why someone is on their phone. don’t judge! the playground is no different than facebook or someone’s blog, and the hour you see them at church each week.. it’s all only a small snippet of their lives. the whole principle of giving the benefit of the doubt would go a long way where women and this comparing/judging thing is concerned. i know when others look at me that’s what i want. so, i need to be willing to offer the same grace. even to a total stranger!

    i’ve missed your posts. and mainly because just as this one expresses – you say what the rest of us are thinking. :) i love YOU!

  • Well here I am on xanga instead of watching my kids while they rip-stick, roller blade and skate board outside.  I sent the kids outside so I could start dinner, check for “important” messages ;) and try to sort of clean up the mess a  tornado made after we all came home from picking up school kids, getting a few things for dinner, and start laundry.  It’s selfish maybe, but I feel the need for a breather, unwinding time.  I love your thoughts on this….and your ability to see the other side of things – different perspective!  Enjoy that about you.  My kids will usually tell me if they feel I’m not paying enough attention to them, etc.  Most of the time, it’s just a need to be validated.  

    I agree there are moms who could use some teaching or rearranging of priorities, but maybe the lady in the FB post didn’t have a mom to teach her.  Some of us have had to learn how to be a mom on our own!  Take the plank out of our own eye before we try to take the speck out of someone else’s.

  • I guess I’m on the opposite end of the thought process. :) When I read that on fb, I never even thought about it judging someone else for being on their phone…I thought of me. SO many times I’m on the computer when my children need me to be a mom. I don’t think of the article as judging someone for being on their phone. I saw it as ME and I know that I don’t pay Enough attention to my kids alot of time. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m going to forget what my kids were like as kids…I’ve ‘checked out’ too much of the time. I don’t want them to remember me as someone who was always on the computer, and I’m afraid that’s what they see.

    So, while I totally get what you wrote and think you’re completely right as far as having ‘me time’ and letting kids play on their own, I think there’s also another side to it and that’s the side that I got when I read the article. It was a good reminder for me.

  • Hmmmm, this is so interesting for me! I had heard of the article but never read it, so I was glad for a chance to read it! And I liked your honesty in regard to it as well. I think there are definitely two extremes to the story – the one being completely checked out all the time and the other feeling guilty any time there is a phone in hand or a computer in front of you. Neither are healthy!! And I get what you are saying… It is so so true that so often we judge a person based on those few seconds of observation, and it simply isn’t true; it’s not the whole picture. And because I don’t want to be judged that way, I also want to extend mercy to those people that, on first-glance, aren’t on their best day.

    But also, I have seen mothers that I know that are simply not aware parents, that rarely ever take the time to look into their child’s eyes and smile while he’s telling an excited story, or that become aggrevated anytime their child interrupts whatever it is they are doing. I think a habit of that isn’t right, it’s not right for the child. The habit of it is wrong – but the occassionally being on an iphone or internet isn’t wrong! So I can understand the judgment you felt when you feel that you are doing your level best and it just feels to fall short to someone else’s standards. THAT is frustrating. I have been there too! And for me, it’s something that I have to go back to God, and listen, because what is HE saying about me?  There are so many voices in today’s world, much more than in our parents’ generation, because of all the internet influence, and it can be so hard to simply quiet… and rest in who HE says I am, not feeling pressured by all the other things.

    Okay, I’m rambling…. :) But it was really good to see you back on your blog! I”ve missed you!

  • I’m back. :) I should have also said, something I need to learn is that when something convicts ME, I don’t need to repost for someone else. If God wants them to get something from it, He’ll put it in front of them. :)

  • I’ve actually seen another post on FB that called something like “In defense of the Mom on the Iphone” and it says almost exactly the same thing as you do. You make some great points!

  • I agree with you, it was not meant to be but in a way it feels like an attack, like as if taking time out is selfish and not-motherly or something.  I catch myself thinking of how to strike the balance often.  Some mornings are holy crap how do I get out of bed and feed this kid after being up all night, and some afternoons are play like a 5 year old with my son all afternoons.  I feel it too.

  • thank you so much for this.

    I can relate to this feeling suffocated by the needs of those around you. I don’t have children but i know that when caring for someone you are always expected to be fully devoted to them. Because you love them..DON’T YOU? and anything that involves being at home or activities such as going to the park is something you need to be thankful for. At home you can only have fun, right?
    People forget that it’s not a leisure actvity when you need to wash someone, make sure they eat and drink, go and look when something seems wrong and be alert all the time. And on top of that keep everything clean. I am not saying it is always awful, but it takes away time from YOU. You never get time off.
    There is a reason why nannies and care-takers get paid. I have a friend who is half a year before finishing medical school and being a doctor, and she gets paid her full wage when she has on call duty.
    I know this comparison might sound terribly emotion and loveless, after all kids are family, but that doesn’t mean you love every diaper and every greasy spot they leave. And you can’t chose to just say no whe you are called, you have to interrupt yor own stuff for theirs all the time anyway.

    I feel like I am on the computer too often and it is also keeping me from personal projects.
    But the odd thing is, when I do something for me and *could* do something else, like make the garden perfect, clean the house, I feel more guilty.  I think the reason why phones are so attractive is that you can interrupt it when necessary.

    I honestly admire all parents especially with more than one kid. I don’t think I am going to have any. I am no sure if I could do this. Some people are cut out for it but I am not.  I rather come home from work and do whatever I like.

    Oh and lastly, I think children NEED to learn to get along without mom and dad, don’t they? My mother was a single mom and working. she did things with me, came to my school plays helped me with homework sometimes. But I was very often on my own. And loved it. And sometimes when she was there, she was reading. She’d say ” I can’t give you my full attention when I’m reading. You wouldn’t like it either if I interrupted you when you read or watch TV. ” yeah no, who does. problem solved. You don’t always get someone’s full attention, and others have needs too. Isn’t that an important lesson? I knew she loved me.
    I don’t think it is such a big deal for the kids.

  • P.S.: My initial reaction was: “hell technology really takes away or time” but I also perceived this as judgemental.

    I think what bugs me about the text is the part where is says “your phone is more important than them”. That is so dramatic, and in my opinion exaggerated.

  • one thing i thought of after i’d already left my comment yesterday was that when i read the original blog and saw the writer’s replies to some of the comments i really don’t think she meant it to come off as it did. however, it seems with a subject like this it would have been better to perhaps personalize it more. what about, “dear ME on the i-phone?” or not start off by saying, “i see you over there…” implying that it’s not her, but her standing back observing {or what so many have felt was judging} another mom across the playground. ~

  • well, as a mom who just shut down her fb account, i hardly know what to say to your post!

    total sarcasm!

    i guess my opinion is good moms produce happy, secure, well adjusted kids. you aren’t going to have kids like that if you are “checked out” or burnt out. what it takes to keep your soul alive is different for every mom.  but you have to be aware and DO IT {and don’t accept substitutes, i.e. mindlessly waste time on the phone while your kids play at the park instead of taking an invigorating walk, OR forcing yourself to take all the kids on a walk, when you really need to have a texting marathon with a friend while the kids play in the park} …or it will get ugly. for mom AND kids.

  • I TOTALLY agree with you. I could give a million examples, but I won’t. Thanks for writing this.

  • I could so identify with much that you said.  As well as the mom on the I-phone.  There are two sides to this to be sure.  With 4 children 6 years and younger, I so often feel guilt that I’m not reaching around, not being the mom that I could or should be.  I feel guilt when I sit my kids in front of a video while I fix a supper for the friends that are moving tomorrow.  Or when I send them outside so I can get some cleaning done.  Or when I sit on my computer when I should be spending time with them.  Or when I leave them at my mom’s so I can go grocery shopping BY MYSELF.  But many days I am overwhelmed.  I love my children with every fiber of my being, and I am also overwhelmed by them many times, and need a break.  I’m a better mom if I take one.  And yes the imposed guilt because I may miss a moment…a childhood.  And then I think I am with these children most days 24-7.  I feed them clothe them giggle with them, tickle them, tell them I love them, read to them, bathe them, dance with them, teach them, answer millions of questions, put them to bed, pray with them, sing with them, and  yes even play with them, yet I still feel guilt because I don’t do enough, am not enough.  But you know what that guilt does not make me a better mom it makes me a terrible mom, so recently been trying to lay that guilt down.  One thing I’ve been doing is to write  down the things I do right as a mom.  It’s so easy to knock ourselves down especially in today’s culture when there is such a demand for perfection in motherhood.  And what a refreshing thought to know that although we will never reach that perfection we have a God of Grace who forgives and can make something beautiful our of our mishaps.  Should we sit on the computer or Iphone all day long ignoring our precious little ones, “Definitely not!”  Should we be  filled with guilt for occasionally replenishing ourselves with friendships, encouraging blogs, books, and shopping trips, “No!”  And personally, I feel for children who grow up with parents hovering around them meeting their every want and need.  I just have a feeling these children will struggle as adults when they have to do everything on their own.  And now I’ve been going on and on, and I just wanted to say you said it so well!  Thank you for this, it really brought tears to my eyes and relief to my guilt-prone heart.

  • Loved what you said here, Audrey.  It’s so much of what I thought as I read the original post.  Let’s look at ourselves – not waste time judging the other mom.  We know very little about what her life looks like.  And if we do know someone who doesn’t spend time with her kids?  Is the solution to stand back proudly & act like we’re glad WE’RE not like that?  How about offering to spend an afternoon washing her dishes?  Let’s find a solution by HELPING.  Those moms who don’t have enough hours in the day would sometimes appreciate help, rather than the comments that are thrown around about them.  And for those people who say they miss the times of their kids being young?  This is your opportunity to go find a kid or mom who needs help!  They’re everywhere!  

  • ohhhhhhhhh my gooodness, did I ever feel you on this one! thank you for being willing to be naked and sharing how you feel. 

    When I read that post about mom’s on cellphones a few weeks ago, I didn’t think about the hours I spend painting with emma or coloring, or making sure I read her stories every day or letting her help me make meals… I just thought about the moments when I need me time and I let myself feel guilty, and like I’m just not enough… 

  • I agree, the initial post was exaggerated and over the top, but it’s an opinion and that’s what opinions can often be. What I take from it, though, is this: if I’m feeling guilty over something, I need to determine its source. Is the guilt warranted, and is the work of the Holy Spirit showing me an area in my life that needs changed? Or is it my insecurities and/or lack of confidence and weaknesses that Satan is using to keep my in bondage with false guilt? It’s one or the other. Truth is, there will always be people that judge me for how I look/what I say/what I do. So what? What good does it do to get upset over it? Learn from it, and be secure in who I am in Christ. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt that so aptly said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

  • LOVED this Audrey. and agree with what you are saying.
    We are always so quick to judge when we have no idea what the real story is. Funny, but I was just talking about this earlier with my mom. Until we walk a mile in someone else’s shoes…we really have no idea!  Enjoyed reading through all the comments too. I am glad to see you here too. :)

  • Nice blog site. ^_^

    (Just passing through.)

  • I can see this from both sides. I know what it is like to be the “frazzled” mom who puts all of her energies into her children and does nothing to feed her own soul. Playing a quick game on my phone or checking my email can sometimes help clear my mind during a rough day.

    On the same token, I see far too many people, dads and moms alike, who are so attached to their electronics that they barely acknowledge the existence of their children. I think it is to those people that this is addressed to. If your child can run off into the road right in front of you and you don’t even notice, there is a problem with you being on your cell.

    Just my two cents.

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *