Ha! I guess I am smarter than spell check.

For once.

I typed in the word “analyzations” and it gave me the RED LINE underneath, indicating a spelling error. But, I googled it and I have it spelled correctly.

Analyze that...Spell Check!

The definition of analyzation:

To examine carefully and in detail so as to identify causes, key factors, possible results, etc.

And no, it does not escape me that the word “analyzation” begins with a 4 letter word that I prefer not to think of myself as.

I don’t know why God makes certain minds in certain ways.  Why some of us almost drive ourselves crazy with our thinking while others just sail right through life, oblivious to the many situations ripe for analyzing?  How could you NOT think of it that this person just contradicted themselves?  How could you breeze right past that obvious (to me) unspoken message that someone was giving?

Sometimes I really wish I was more oblivious.  I don’t think it is a bad thing, in a lot of ways. It seems like your life would be happier if you wouldn’t have a mind that always seems to be going 100 miles per hour.

To be able to just see something and accept it at face value.  To not over-think.  

It is amazing to me, though, how much you can learn from conversations with your children. Not only about your children, but about yourself.  I would imagine that sometimes I am right and sometimes I am wrong in my analyzations, but here are a couple of recent examples.

Yesterday Nicole and I were having a little tea party.

Juice for her, water for me.  Cheetos snack mix for her, cashews for me.  We had the pink blanket spread out on the living room floor and were using her purple and pink princess tea set.

Apparently, according to Nicole, a couple of requirements for this tea party were that we wear a watch (I had to wear Jeremy’s since I don’t have one) and that we had to wear mis-matched shoes.  

Her’s were one pink and one light blue dress up shoe and mine were one red high heel and one black sandal.  The heels were of un-equal height, which made any walking I did quite difficult.

We were pretending to both be Moms.  (Well, technically, I guess she was the only one pretending.)

So, I asked her, in a ladylike, grown-up conversation voice “So, how were your children behaving today?”

She said “Pretty good.”  And then she got all dramatic (wish you could have seen her) and said “But they kept on scratching and hitting me.”

I faked shock and surprise to keep up the drama.  “Oh, my!  Then what did you do?”

She answered, all indignant “I didn’t do nuff-ing.  I told them 8 TIMES to stop it. But they didn’t.”

Then she added “And then, when my husband came home, he asked what all those scratches were on my body.  I told him the children did it and he took them all to their room and spanked them!”  Said with MUCH expression.

Being the analyzer that I am, I deducted a couple of things from this story.


*Nikki IS aware that hitting me is not a good thing to do.  (Because, yes, we have been working on that when she is angry.)
*I probably do too much talking (Nikki, stop that. You know you aren’t supposed to hit Mom) instead of actually punishing her, evidenced by her telling her “kids” 8 times!! to stop it.
*Maybe Jeremy is right...he is looked at as more of the disciplinarian in our family. He says I’m too soft with the kids, especially Nikki, and I keep thinking/saying that I’m not.  



Conversation #2 happened with Kendall this morning while we were on the way to the bus.  The boys are memorizing a verse for Sunday School and we were working on that while driving.

Kendall has this issue, when he doesn’t get the verse right the first time, or if I correct him, or tell him that he missed a part, he gets all mad and frustrated and doesn’t want to try at all to say the verse.

This morning, he missed the words “any longer” in the verse about not being conformed to the world.  He clammed up and wouldn’t try any more when I pointed this out to him.

Then he started crying.  He refused to start over, even with me helping him.

Then I got frustrated and said “Fine!  I really don’t care if you don’t get your prize in Sunday School for not saying the verse. If you aren’t willing to try, then I’m not going to help you. That is YOUR choice.”

Then he cried harder and said that he wanted to try, but wah, wah, wah...whatever the excuses were.

“Ok, let’s start over”, I say.  He can’t remember the first word. I give it to him.  “Do...not...” He just waits. I fill in the next word.  Finally he decides to help say the rest of it.

Later, I say “Let’s all say it together again” and we start off. He sits there, not helping.  When I ask why he didn’t help, he says that we said it too fast for him.

So, we say it again. This time in slow motion so he can help along.

On the way to work, I am telling Jeremy about this whole story and how frustrating it is to me. How I got kind of mad and raised my voice. Even as I was telling the story to Jeremy, I was raising my voice.

Does this irony not strike you?  I am raising my voice re-counting the story to my husband about just.how.very.frustrated.I.was.at.my.stubborn kid and WHY did he make such a big deal out of saying the verse?

I told Jeremy I just cannot understand why Kendall gets frustrated so easily.

Bam!    It hits me between the eyes.

Maybe I have a clue.

He could possibly get it from his MOTHER!

I feel ashamed.  Not so proud of myself.

I wonder when I will grow up.



“Conversation” #3 centers around the post that I wrote a while ago about the kids of Brad and Angelina, and how I didn’t think they were very cute.

I submitted it to Momaroo, upon a Xanga friends recommendation, and it got posted sometime within the last day.  There are now 51 comments on the post and almost 2000 views and I am completely regretting that I submitted it. (no offense to the person who suggested I send it in, that was totally fine of you!)

What, in my mind, seemed like a harmless little commentary about the cuteness factor of Brad and Angelina’s kids has revealed to me some of the ugliness in my own heart.

Yes, it was mostly a joke.  Yes, I think people who know me would understand where I was coming from.  Yet, you have to take the whole thing in context.

But...these are some of the comments I received over at Mom-a-roo.

“Let's get straight to the point.
1. You're a bitch.
2. Their kids aren't ugly.
3. They can dress how they wish.
4. How would you feel if people were saying these things about YOUR children?”

(Two other people replied to this comment to say “ditto” in agreement.)

“This is just an excuse to talk about your kids. You're the mum in the post, and to be honest, I think you're extremely rude and arrogant. How would you like it if someone took those photos of your kids, put them online, and told everyone they thought they were ugly? Grow the f*** up and stop worrying about other people.”

“You're a narcissistic b****.”

“OK I know it's supposed to be a joke. But why are you picking on little children, even in jest? It's just mean spirited and not funny.”

“Way to cut down little kids!!! I betcha feel super cool now... How would you like it if I said "Yeah, you are just biased"..? I'm sure that wouldn't make you feel very good.  It is perfectly FINE to have your own opinions but acting like an ADULT is knowing when to NOT voice opinions that are shallow and downright mean, especially when they're aimed at children, of all people. Grow up!!!!!!”


OK, that’s probably enough.

I guess the bottom line is this.  Those comments hurt.  First I felt really defensive and upset.

And then I realized that they all have a point.  

*I am too quick to judge people by their appearance.  
*I shouldn’t have put this “out there” for people to read.

*Those children probably aren't even choosing what they wear.
*It is mean spirited to pick on children.

*I have issues.

Yes, I can continue to defend myself, talk about where I was “coming from” with this, etc.

But I think God just used some snarky commenters on Mom-a-roo to show me a little more of the ugliness of my heart and I want to learn from it.

The comment this lady left was really, really good and I wish I would have been thinking more like this when I had the urge to do the “Brad and Angelina’s kids post.”

“All mommies think their children are the cutest ones and while we may joke about it we really are biased.  When I look at the pictures above I see that all the children in the photos are beautiful, Each one is a completely unique, brand new human being who deserves to be loved and respected for who they are rather than criticized what they may lack or the perception of what they may be lacking.  The values I want my daughter to embrace include acceptance, respect for others and realization that not all of life is a competition. I would tell her not to compare the way she looks with the way other children look as if either she or they were somehow less than worthy of love simply on the basis of attraction.”

I want to have more of the heart of Jesus...in ALL that I do and say.

Maybe these life conversations and analyzations won’t all go to waste if I learn to be more humble and see myself honestly because of them.

I will never forget the story that I heard when I was a teenager. 

There was a married couple in our church and the man of the family was talking with some of the young guys at church.  He was relating a story about how his wife wanted to go to town on a certain day and that he didn’t think that she should, for whatever reason.

And then he said “I just had to pull rank.”

In other words, he told her she wasn’t allowed to go to town.

Us young people really chewed on that phrase for a while. We were always talking about “pulling rank.”  At the time, the whole story struck me as odd.  Why would a grown woman not be allowed to decide if she needed to go to town a certain day or not?  And what was it within that man that made him want to brag about how he could control his wife?

As I’ve gotten older and been married for a number of years myself, I definitely see the flaws in that story.

(Remember, as always when you are reading my blog…I am writing out of a place of my own life experience and my opinions.  They are not to be taken as gospel truth or to make anyone feel badly if their life story is different than mine.  Nor do I think that the way that we do things is the only way that works.  But I do hope to make my readers think a little.  Or maybe elicit a comment if you don’t agree with me.)

I do not believe that, Biblically speaking or otherwise, husbands are in a position to “pull rank.”

I can quote Scriptures to back up my beliefs, but so can anyone else who is of a differing opinion, so I won’t even go there.

Husbands are to serve and love.  Wives are to respect.   When both of these things are in place, the situations where “he says this, she says that” and he needs to “pull rank” should be virtually non-existant.

I believe that a wife has to answer before God on HER OWN.  I do not think that you can hide behind your husband and I definitely disagree with the concept that if your husband asks you to sin, you should go ahead and do it, out of obedience/respect for him because he is your head. 

I don’t see any place in my theology or in the Bible where you will stand before God and he’ll say “Oh, you killed someone.  Well, did you think of that yourself or did your husband ask you to do that?”   “Because, hey, if your husband asked you to and you were just blindly following him, then you’re home free.”

Here’s the deal.  This whole subject is a lot like our relationship with God.  God does not DEMAND us to do or not do a certain thing. We have a choice.  Husbands are to love as Christ loves.  Therefore, this pre-supposes that they also are not demanding of their wives, if they are Holy Spirit led.

But…when we respect God and know that He loves us and we have that close relationship with God, He doesn’t HAVE to demand things of us. He can whisper to us with that still, small voice and we hear and we WANT to obey and respond.  Its all about the relationship.

The same goes for a marriage.  Jeremy could be the kind of husband who says “You do what I say or you’re not being respectful.  You need to LISTEN to me. I’m in charge here. I’m going to ‘pull rank’.”

Or, he can lead by example. He can show so much love to me and have such a servant’s heart, that when he asks something of me or suggests something, I WANT to say “Ok, no problem.  I respect you and I want to follow your leading.”

The end result may look the same, but the way that you get there is TOTALLY different and the motivation behind the obedience of the wife is totally different.

It doesn’t mean that one husband doesn’t take his leadership role as seriously, just because he’s not barking orders and making sure HIS home is run exactly the way he prefers and thinks that it should be.  In fact, he may be taking his leadership role more seriously…choosing to LIVE IT OUT instead of demanding.  Living it out takes a lot more work and is a much more active role than saying “I’m the husband/Dad and you’re going to listen to me whether you like it or not.”

And compromise. So very often, compromise is your best tool.  You have a concern about something with your husband, share it with him.  He’s got an issue with you, talk about it and figure out what will work for both of you.

To me, there should always be a TEAM spirit about a marriage. Not a “him against her” kind of thing, but a spirit of working together. Wanting what is best for the RELATIONSHIP, not for each individual person.   Each person should be giving 100%, not the whole idea of 50/50.

Ok, maybe I should get down off of my soapbox now. I can get really passionate about this whole subject. Maybe because I’ve seen a husband’s role abused so often and the wives will actually stand there and quote Bible verses to make themselves feel better about the fact that they are being controlled.  I call it “spiritual abuse” clothed as “holiness and submission.”

If you disagree with me or have something to point out that I am missing, please do so. I often don’t write posts like this because I don’t want to offend someone or step on someone’s toes or bump a scab that somebody has.  I just want you to know that my intention is NOT to be hurtful in any way.  I realize that there are times when you are in a situation where you feel mis-used, even though you are responding with respect to your husband, and I know that is a hard place to be.  I think that you need to keep on doing your part (being respectful) to a husband who probably doesn’t technically “deserve” it. I also know that there is a time to get help or to leave a situation, and I’m not trying to cover all of that. I am talking in the context of a Christian couple who are both trying to follow God as best they know how.

                                  *********************************************

And speaking of compromise…

You may not be seeing me around on-line as much the next little while.  I have  posted a blog every day for the last 110 days, so maybe you’re ready for a little break anyway!

Jeremy and I had a discussion yesterday in which I brought up the subject of the amount of time he spends on the computer and watching TV in the evenings, versus interacting with the kids and I.

We discussed it and reached a compromise, in which he asked that if he is limiting his TV and computer time, then I should consider that as well.

So the deal is…for the next week we are going almost “unplugged” around here. No TV for Jeremy or I and very, very little for the kids.

No internet time for either of us (other than work stuff for me) except for ½ hour in the evening after the kids are in bed.  (On the days that I work, I will probably still be online, as I often don’t have much to do otherwise.)

Yes, it is Monday afternoon as I write this and I am missing my frequent on-line check ins. But Jeremy has a valid point.  He can’t be on the computer all day like I often can, because he doesn’t have internet out in the woods.  So if I am asking him to limit his time, then I should be willing to do the same.

Hey, maybe I’ll get some more cupboards cleaned out and more reading done. Or at least more time with my kids. 

Wish me luck and not too serious of withdrawal symptoms.

Love ya'll.

When I was thinking about the word "devastating"...I realized that it is SUCH a subjective word.

When you are three years old, it is devastating to lose your favorite doll.

When you are an adult, it would take a lot more than losing a special possession to devastate you.  Some things that I thought of, for myself, were the loss of a loved one, loss of eye sight, etc.  But mostly for me, it would have to do with relationships.  Like, if my children and I didn't have a good relationship, or if I would not make it to heaven...those things would be devastating to me.

Anyway, I decided to interview my children, to get their perspective on what might be devastating to them.

THIS was Derrick's interview. He was first.  Now, Derrick didn't really want to do the interview, but this is the difference between him and my second son.  He still did it with a smile on his face, and even kind of enjoyed it once he got started, I think.  He is also the only one of the kids who actually remembered the definition of "devastating" that I had told them JUST before their interviews.

Kendall was second, and he made sure to let me know, with quite a pout on his face, that he was NOT into this at all.  This conversation is representative of how most of our conversations go. Him not looking me in the eye, a lot of shoulder shrugging and "I don't know" and even ignoring my questions at times. Maybe you can analyze for me what I am doing wrong in communication, because I find him to be very hard to communicate with.  Anyway, HERE is his interview about what would be "devastating" to him. (Also, I learned that I say the word "huh?" instead of something like "What was that?" when I don't know what they said. Talk about proper English. NOT!)

Nikki was last and she had just gotten up from her nap and she was probably the most agreeable about doing the interview.  But for the first part she doesn't even talk and when she does, there is also a lot of "I don't know" going on. Maybe I need to outlaw that phrase in this house!

Anyway, HERE she is, in all her messy haired glory.  Looking cute as ever.

Maybe this whole thing will give you your laugh for the day, if nothing else!

[Past tense of win.]

Well, first off...I can tell you who won the book drawing from yesterday’s post!

Random #6, which turned out to be my good friend Amber Hutchins.  Yay for Amber!  Let me know which book you would like and I will get it out for you! The rest of you...keep on trying. You are bound to win one of these times!


Things I have won over the years...um, let me think.

Almost nothing.

I’m just not lucky like that.

Except when it comes to the give-a-ways my friend Liz Marie does.

Apparently, when Liz does a give-a-way, luck and I collide.

I have won BOTH of the give-a-ways she has done in the past year.  Yay me!

Otherwise, things I have won could be condensed into a very short list:

A contest for writing a story when I was in school
Some board games as a child
Maybe some team sports.

Yup, told you the list was extremely short!


Lately, Charlie Sheen has made quite a splash (not necessarily in a positive way) but saying a lot of random and weird stuff on TV.

One of the phrases that he coined was “winning”, but you have to say it in this certain sing songy tone of voice. Otherwise, it doesn’t make nearly as much sense.  Oh, and you also have to majorly accent the first half of the word as opposed to the second half.

Did you hear that now he wants to put a trademark on some of his recent (turned popular) phrases?

I have to admit that the term “winning” has been thrown around in our household various times in the past few weeks. I don’t know if I should be ashamed of that or not, but sometime...it just fits!

Really, Charlie Sheen is a very troubled man who is fighting a lot of demons and we should probably be praying for him instead of using his “Sheen-isms” and laughing about them.

But, all of these things ^^^ are trivial compared to the big win that is coming up.


For me, for you, and for everyone else who is a follower of Jesus and has claimed the blood.

All of these bad things happen in our world. It seems at times that God is nowhere to be found.

People come into power who are evil and they mistreat their subjects.  Suffering happens.

Kingdoms rise and fall.

Sometimes it seems as though the devil has free rein on the earth and we wonder when it will end.

But we know it will end.

And we know Who will win in the end.  When the dust has finally settled.

Sometimes when Jeremy and I are in a discussion about things in our world and it seems pretty sad and forlorn and evil seems to abound, Jeremy will say this...

“Well, at least we know Who wins in the end!”

That’s the team I want to be on.  Praise God!  Because when time on this earth is over, we’ll be able to say “We won!”

It certainly is another Fabulous Friday!  Aren't they always? Other than that we have had a serious drop in temperature and it is now cold and windy and possibly supposed to snow an inch or so tomorrow.  One the very day we are having friends over for a "cookout and campfire."  Yup, might not be doing the campfire thing, but I think we will still grill.

I had this rant sent to me and wanted to post it today. Please leave her lots of comments.  She'll get good advice and you guys will have a chance to win a book this week!

Thanks!

CONSERVATIVE CONUNDRUM

Our family finds itself in a unique spot:  since we recently moved, we are in search of a new church.  Surely, though, we are not the only ones who have ever been in this place and those of you with experience can toss some wisdom my way!  This church-searching is both exciting and exhausting.  Having no support, encouragement, and church family is tiring and lonesome, but being given the opportunity to pick a new set of friends and church standards brings excitement.

 Some of the time.

I don’t know about you, but to me a perfect church would be one that is both contemporary and conservative.  Yeah, I know, that’s a good joke, right?  Seriously, though, without defining specifics, that looks like a church that holds to Biblical truths (ie: marriage is bet/ one man and woman for life), yet is less formal in worship and in interaction.  Why does that seem to be such an oxymoron?

The problem I have in choosing amongst the variety of churches is this- what do I do with those churches that have standards that draw the line at a more extreme place than my husband and I understand Scripture to say?  For example, I understand the principle in Scripture is that women are to have long hair.  That does not mean hair that has never been cut, it just means hair that is long.  Or that the passage in I Peter 3 and those like it that refer to jewelry do not mean that none should ever be worn AT ALL, it means it should not be the defining factor of your outfit.  Now, churches that have standards along those lines are not wrong, in fact they have many valuable and inviting qualities, but their standards are extra-biblical. 

Yes, I know there is value in obeying those in authority over us even if we don’t agree completely with them.  What I wonder, though, is why should our family deliberately choose someone to be in authority over us that we don’t agree with, if we have an option to choose another that may be closer aligned?  Do you get me?  And how would I ever teach my children to do such and such if I don’t honestly believe it myself?  To me, that’s just plain fake.  And there’s nothing that will turn our children away from the Truth more than not being real. 

And, furthermore, those of you that have become less conservative- how do go up against the mentality that the conservative way is the right way and everyone else is wrong?  (At least those are the words I’ve given to the way of thinking I often see in those circles.)  Especially if you have family that doesn’t think the same ways you do? 

Maybe this is too many questions at once!  Oh, and neither am I ignoring the fact that, although this post is predominantly about conservative issues, there are plenty that abound on the other side of the coin as well.  I am just not going to take the time or the space to write about them right now.  If you want to include some of those issues to be considered in the comments, that would be fine by me.

                            ******************************************************************

Once again, I will pick one lucky, random winner from the commenters on my blog today and I will send you the book of your choice from the list below, plus a little something extra.  Good Luck!

Inspirations for a Mother’s Soul (Mostly verses by category...New Living Translation)
Standing on the Promises - Susan Wales (Taken by a previous winner)
Too Much of a Good Thing - Dan Kindlon
7 Secrets of Successful Families - Jimmy Evans
A Hand to Guide Me - Denzel Washington
The Yada Yada Prayer Group - Neta Jackson
Even God Rested - Kim Thomas
The Heart of a Woman - Maya Angelou
Meditations on Proverbs for Couples - Les and Leslie Parrott
Esther...A Story of Courage - Trudy J. Morgan-Cole (Taken by a previous winner)
The Wedding - Nicholas Sparks
Putting Family First - William Doherty and Barbara Carlson
From Baghdad, With Love - Colonel Jay Kopelman
The Complete Household Organizer from Good Housekeeping (Taken by a previous winner)
Sharing His Secrets - Vickey Banks
Forgiving the Unforgivable - David Stoop
Dinner with a Perfect Stranger - David Gregory
Wake up Laughing - (Upbeat Devotions for the “Unconventional” Woman) - Rachel St. John-Gilbert
Hugs for those in Love - Ron and Lyn Rose
A Nickel’s Worth of Hope - Dr. Andre Vandenberg
Dancing through the Shadows - Theresa Tomlinson
Following Christ - Joseph Stowell
The Calling - Brother Andrew
John’s Story (The Last Eyewitness)  Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins
What Happens When Women Pray - Evelyn Christenson
It’s All About Him - Denise Jackson
Story of a Soul - The Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux
The Thinking Chair - Audrey Brown
Soul Talk - Larry Crabb
Have a New Husband by Friday - Dr. Kevin Leman (Taken by a previous winner)
The Partner - John Grisham - (Taken by a previous winner)
Message in a Bottle - Nicholas Sparks
The Letter - Richard Paul Evans
Only Love is Real - Brian Weiss
Cream and Bread - Janet Martin and Allen Todnem
Dear John - Nicholas Sparks
Broken on the Back Row - Sandi Patty
Living Faith - Jimmy Carter
The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women - Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg
Simplifying Your Life - Mac Hammond
Your Child Wonderfully Made - Larry Burkett and Rick Osborne
Applause of Heaven - Max Lucado
My Utmost for His Highest - Oswald Chambers daily devotional
Capture his Heart - Lysa Terkeurst
Letters to Karen - Charlie Shedd
Men, Women, and Relationships - John Gray
Official Rules of Card Games
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter - Kim Edwards
Tramp for the Lord - Corrie ten Boom
To Love and Be Loved - Sam Keen

I have been mulling my “random word of the day” over in my head for about a day now.  I am finding that my thoughts on this word are many and run deep.

I feel like so many times, among women, we allow our differences to tear us apart or to threaten us and bring out our insecurities, instead of looking at our differences as a strength.

How does that saying go?  “Different isn’t wrong or right, it is just different.”

Yet how often we criticize and judge another person because it makes us feel better about ourselves and our way of doing things. Instead of saying “OK, this person does things differently, what can I learn from them?” we want to judge and put them in a box. Or just stay away from them because their differences make us uncomfortable.

Now, I am probably like the rest of you...I love a good friend with whom I have a lot in common. Similar personality, similar interests, similar ways of raising our kids.  Those people, who, when in conversation, you find yourself often nodding your head in agreement and saying “Oh, totally!” or “That’s exactly how I feel too!”

Most of my friends over the years have been quite similar to me in a lot of ways. And I love that. There is a feeling of kinship and like we “get” each other.

But I am learning about how MUCH I can learn from someone who is very different from me. If both of us are secure enough in who we are in Christ to not be threatened by the way in which the other person is “better/different” than we are in certain areas.

Take my good friend Lisa, for instance.  

We are about as different as night and day.

She is about to have her 4th baby and cannot imagine ever getting to the place where she doesn’t want another one...I have never been a “baby person” and am so grateful to be done with that stage of my life.

She is gracious and thinks before she speaks...I blurt things out without thinking them through.

I am into music...she is not.

She is one of the most unselfish people that I know...I struggle so much with my own selfishness.

She is a full time stay at home Mom and loves it...I work part time and would feel clausetropobic if I was always home.

I am very organized and scheduled...she is more of a “just roll with it” kind of girl. I admire that!

She has this incredible, natural, deep love for her children, such as I have rarely seen...I have had to really work to feel that depth of love for my kids, and still struggle with this.

I tend to be controlling...she is happy to follow the leader.

I need lots of friends...Lisa’s family is the center of her life and friends are on the outskirts.

I am usually on time...she would tend to be late.

Getting time away with just Jeremy and I (on a regular basis) is really important to me...Lisa would usually prefer to hang out as a family.

I love to talk on the phone...she prefers to text.

She’s got this great sense of style...I’m pretty much clueless.

I am uptight...she is relaxed.

I admire her greatly.  I have seen so much of Jesus in her and she has been such an inspiration to me.  

Imagine if I would have thought that she was “too different” from me to be close friends with. Instead of feeling threatened by the fact that I believe she is much more patient than I am, more calm, more unselfish, and a better Mother...why not just allow myself to be challenged by those qualities in her life and learn from her, instead of running from the relationship because I feel like I “don’t measure up?”  And maybe there are some things she can learn from me along the way too.

We do have some similarities that maybe helped to draw us together...we both love to read, we are both major analyzers, and we both have a heart for God.  We are both passionate about things that we believe in.

We often tend to marry someone who is very different from us. Hence the saying “Opposites attract.”

When I look at Jeremy and I, I can see that the saying definitely holds true.  We have this desire to walk through life with someone who is what we are not.  Who can balance us out.  Yes, this also leads to some of the conflict in marriage, but overall it is a good thing.

I can learn so much from my husband and his patient ways.  His heart for helping others. His calmness and easy-going-ness.  


I wrote about this exercise once before on my blog, but since I find it to be very fascinating, I will put it on here again.

Step #1 - Think of 3 people that you really admire

Step #2 - Think of a quality that they all have in common

Step #3 - Most likely that quality is something that you want to grow in or that you see a lack of in your own life and you aspire to be more like those people you admire.

I am reading this book (just happened to pick up yesterday, AFTER I had the word “difference” on my mind) called “Dare to be yourself.”  It was recommended by someone on Xanga once upon a time and was sitting on my “un-read books” bookshelf. Now I am very intrigued by it.

Here are some quotes from book that really struck me when thinking about differences.

“When we find a sense of calm at our center, we can reach out to express ourselves honestly.”

“Find yourself by recognizing what gives YOU pleasure, what makes YOU feel good, what makes YOU feel comfortable, what brings YOU delight. Your inner light is revealed. The act of separating yourself from what is phony, pretentious or trendy opens wide doors to reveal the real you.”

“Most of us were raised to conform to other people’s standards and not to be conspicuous. Yet when we conform we can feel uncomfortable.”

“Ease, confidence, and grace build as you begin to define appropriateness - not what others think and feel is right for you, but what is your unique honesty.”


I cannot go through this post without ONCE AGAIN recommending this set of sermons by Greg Boyd.

Because I think the link between insecurity and being threatened by others differences (maybe that we perceive as “better-ness”) is solved one way, and one way only.

That is by understanding who we are in Christ.  Not trying to be like anyone else or getting our worth from what others think of us or from comparing ourselves to others and feeling superior because “Well, I would never do THAT!”  We live our lives out of a fullness that we already have in Christ, instead of out of an emptiness which we try to fill by what others think of us or by judging others.

(Here’s the link again...GREG BOYD SERMONS    Go to the sermon dated 4/14/02 and listen to that one and the next 7 sermons by Greg Boyd.  I’m telling you...they will rock your world!)

I keep thinking of the word “grace” when it comes to talking about differences. I want someone else to extend grace to me in my differences the way that I hope I extend grace to them. If we can embrace our uniqueness and our differences instead of feeling threatened by them in each other, what a happier, more helpful existence we will all share.  How much could we learn from each other?!

We all have our insecurities.  But what if, at least in some cases, we learned to flip those around into a good thing. Its all about perspective, right?

Here is one of mine...I cannot decorate to save my life. I have almost no creativity when it comes to decorating. I suck at it.  And then I go online or I go to other people’s houses and I see all of the beauty that they have created in their world and I can start to feel like “What is wrong with me? Am I not all woman...that I don’t like to create or make my house beautiful?”

Its not that I am not creative at all.  I can be in other areas.  And I am learning that what I am really passionate about and where I am more creative is in relationships.  

Is that a bad thing? Is that “less” than? Maybe only in my own mind.  

Here is another way to look at it...maybe someone else who struggles with not being good at decorating comes over to my house and feels relieved or comforted by the fact that my house isn’t quite so nicely decorated. Maybe it makes them feel more at home and less intimidated?  Who knows?  

I am not down-playing how nice it is to walk into a beautifully decorated home, where there is the spirit of warmth, and I am happy that God has given many women this special gift, but maybe its OK to accept that it is not MY gift. God didn’t create me with that particular talent.  

Instead of focusing on what I can’t do...focus on what I can do.  What talents HAS God given me that I can use for His glory?  Use those for good instead of getting bogged down in what I “am not.”

How do we teach our children to embrace their differences?  To “dare to be themselves.” I would imagine that, like many others things, modeling this for them ourselves is probably the best way to teach them. And not forcing them to be someone they are not.

If your 8 year old son doesn’t want to play softball, then don’t make him feel bad because he doesn’t want to.  If you want him to get his hair cut really short because summer is coming and he wants to keep it long, honor his preference. (That just happened yesterday!)  If one kid likes to draw but another likes to play soccer, let them each do their own thing.  Help them to honor the strengths that God blessed them with.

And then do that same thing with your friends.  Compliment them in areas where you notice they are doing well.  Encourage them in areas where they struggle. Empathize when you can.  Be real. Be sincere.

But most of all...be yourself.

Embrace your differences and learn from each other.

It really IS the best way to live!  (and I am preaching this to myself just as much as to anyone else!)

There are things in my life that I wish WOULD vanish.

The extra fat on my hips and stomach, for starters.  Did I miss the memo that said muffin tops are only en vogue at Starbucks?

The dirt on my living room floor. (Ok, maybe I could do something about that one.)

The last traces of snow that are hanging around.

My craving for dessert and ice cream.

My love for buying clothing and shoes. (Yes, kind of feeling a tad guilty for spending money at Forever 21 yesterday while at work. On more clothes. And a pair of boots. I am about ready to admit that I’ve got an issue.  I said ABOUT ready, not actually ready.)

My selfishness.

Yup, there are certainly a lot of things that I would love to see just go “poof”...up in smoke.

But the days...they vanish so quickly.  And I want them to go more slowly.

Its the morning rush...then the day flies by...then its supper time and bedtime and bam!!

Another day is gone. I have no idea where it went.

They run together in one long string and I feel like life is one long pattern of same-ness.

 


Things that vanish...

Those are almost as big of a mystery as the way that the days go whizzing by, leaving me gasping for air.

We spent quite a long time on Sunday evening looking for the boys ball gloves. My brother came over to play ball with them, so for the first time this year, we needed to locate them.

We checked the basement storage room, Derrick’s closet, Kendall’s closet, the toy room, the cabinet inside the front door...they were no where to be found.

I can hear my Mother’s practical voice in my ear “Well, they’ve got to be SOMEWHERE!”

And all of a sudden it hit me.  They are in the camper.  We take them along when we go camping and we never brought them in at the end of the year.

Derrick went and got them and they both still fit.

Fit like a glove.  (Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...)

Derrick also reported that it did not seem as though the mice had done any major damage in the camper over the winter.  We’ll see about that when I open the drawers where I keep things like hot pads and dish cloths.

Stuff disappears.

And then it re-appears.

And sometimes it seems as though no one was responsible.  But we all know that ball gloves and flash lights and mittens do not have legs.  Somebody must have done something with it.

When questioned, all of the children seem to have been taken with a sudden case of amnesia.

“I don’t know.  I didn’t have it.”

Its their apathy about the whole situation that usually gets to me the most.

Because they know that ultimately, they aren’t really responsible to find whatever it is. Of course Mom will help.

The latest item in our household to fall victim to the vanishing act is my Pampered Chef scissors/shears.

I have that handy dandy tool mounted right on my kitchen wall and I use it all.the.time!

Just grab it and use it and PUT IT BACK.

I always put it back! And the children know that rule as well....ALWAYS put Mom's scissors back!

But it is gone.  And oh, no, no one seems to know where it could possibly be??  No one seems to have remembered putting it anywhere unusual.

If I send them to look, I can assure you that a half hearted effort will be put forth and they will come back reporting that “Nope, they couldn’t find it.”

Which leaves me “handy dandy scissors-less” until it magically re-appears.

From where, God only knows.

Sometimes things vanish because you put them away at “such a good spot” that even you yourself can’t find them again.

I tend to be a pro at that.

I try to think ahead to how my thought process will work when I am going to be looking for said item at some future date.

For example:  “OK, if you were Audrey Miller and 3 months from now you were looking for a flash drive back-up of your pictures, where would you look?”

Yeah, I’m smart like that.

And then I still sometimes cannot remember what my future-projected self told my prior self would be a good spot to put something.

Anyway, this post is random and un-streamlined and needs to come to an end.

I am rambling like a three year old girl. And yes, I would know what that sounds like.  I have one (a three year old rambler)  in my home right now.

What do you WISH would vanish from your life?

Or what has vanished that you want back or can’t for the life of you find?

Last evening Nikki and I went for a little walk.

I only needed another 5 or 10 minutes to finish out my 30 minutes of walking for the day, so I thought it would be a good time for her to go along without getting too tired out.

It was about 6:30 in the evening as we started off, hand in hand.

The sun was shining brightly and spring was in the air!

Our old dirt road is almost dried up after the winter snow thaw and there remains only a little strip of stubborn, dirty snow along the one side of the road.

Both of us were wearing flip flops.  Because Nikki likes to wear whatever I am wearing.

Her hair was all a mess.  The pony tail holder that had been neatly in place in the morning had now slipped back in her hair and there were stray strands everywhere!

As we walked out the road, with the sun at our backs, Nikki noticed our shadows looming ahead of us. Tall and thin.  

She said “Mommy, look at our shadows!”

Mine a little taller than hers.  You could even see her messy hair in the shadow.

We walked about 5 minutes and then turned around to head back home. As we were walking under some trees, Nikki noticed that our shadows weren’t present.

She asked me “Mommy, where did our shadows go?”

And I replied automatically  “You can’t see our shadows right now because we are in the shade.”

Then I added, still kind of absent-mindedly “You can only see your shadow when the sun is shining on you.”

As I said it, I was struck by that thought.

“You can only see your shadow when the sun is shining on you.”

You know how we have shadows in our lives.  Hard times.  Valleys to walk through.  As Psalm 23 says “Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow...”  

Of death.  Of financial difficulties.  Of the every day stuff of life that sometimes gets us down and wears us out. Of a broken marriage.  Of wayward children.  Of illness.

But the fact that there IS a shadow means that the sun is still shining.

If there wasn’t a shadow, that would mean that we are in complete darkness.  In the shade.

The fact that the light of Jesus is shining is what makes us able to see the shadow.

But we have to look up.  Past.  Beyond.  To see the light that is still present. And bright.

The other thing I noticed...as we were walking back home, now with our faces towards the sun, our shadows were behind us.

Not in front of us like they were when we our backs were to the sun.

So much of life is about perspective.

I am not trying to downplay or minimize very hard things that we sometimes need to walk through.

But when our face in towards the sun, when we are fixed on walking in the light and towards the light, our shadows are not so obvious.

They are not there, looming right in front of us, waiting for us to step on them.  They are behind us.  They are still there, but they are not our focus.

The light is the focus. The shadow is our companion for a time, but not what we are defined by.

Sometimes I feel like these things make more sense in my head than they do when I write them down, but I felt like God gave me a special look into something very deep last night as I walked with my daughter, hand in hand, towards the light.

I think that is what God wants to encourage all of us with today, as we may be walking through those times of shadow in our lives.

"Keep walking, my daughter.  Keep walking towards the light. I'm still here."

It is an absolutely gorgeous spring day in Wisconsin.

I don't even care that it is partially cloudy or that it didn't get over 60 degrees.

We saw the sun and felt its warmth and we are satisfied.

The spring peepers are chirping away out in the swamp and the snow is almost completely gone.

I am rejoicing.

I just came back from my hair appointment, went to school to pick up Derrick, and for the 2nd time in the last few months, someone asked about my hair and said that they want to go to my stylist and tell her that they "want their hair just like Audrey's."

Maybe I just feel QUITE so jubilant about that, but for a girl who grew up conservative Mennonite and who still is self proclaimedly "not good with hair", yeah, it feels pretty good.

Like I've arrived. In the hair department.

Not to mention that not even three weeks ago, on my little live video, my hair looked extremely crooked.

Nope, not thinking about that today.

Just basking in the compliment that someone else wants hair JUST.LIKE.MINE.

I (or Melissa, my stylist) must be doing something right!

In other news...I am happy to report that last night, I got to hold a teeny-tiny, not even 4 day old baby.  I held him for probably an hour.

I oohed and aahed over him, looked at his teeny-tiny cute little feet with Nikki.  Stroked his hair.  Wrapped him up in his little blue blankie.

And I am even happier to report that I felt not ONE iota of the baby itch.

Nope.  Not happening here.

I am so over the top happy with my three kids and our choice to stop at that.

I am even happier, that with my baby approaching 4 years old, I have no regrets.

I am loving the stage of life I am at and I can admit, after years of feeling ashamed and insecure about it, that I am NOT A BABY PERSON.

You know...they are "older kids" a lot longer than they are babies, so if it has to be one way or the other...I'm just sayin'.

But the "word of the day" reminded me of babies.  And patting. 

Oh, the patting.

Patting them to sleep. Patting them to get them to quit crying.

Patting them during the night when they woke up and were fussy and wouldn't settle down.

Trying to tip-toe away from the crib or bassinet when you were just sure they were asleep...patting slower and slower so they wouldn't notice when your hand finally slipped away.

Only to have them start wailing or lift their little heads the minute you eased out the door.

Patting them just a tad too firmly at times when frustration was taking over and they would.not.quit.crying.

And the counting.

Always the counting.

I cannot pat a baby without counting the pats.

Weird?  I don't know. You tell me.

I don't even try to do it. It just happens.

Then I always set a limit for myself "Ok, I'm going to do 100 pats, and then I'll go."

Or "If they aren't sleeping by 150 pats, I'm going to let them get back up."

I still pat Nikki to sleep sometimes. On those days where she just doens't want to settle down for her nap and she needs my presence to keep her in her bed instead of playing with toys.

And I still count.  As I'm patting. And thinking about other things.  49...50...51...52...

Do you think she'll be sleeping by 100?

There is something SO motherly about patting. So comforting.  Singing lullabies and patting.

They reside near the center of a Mother's heart.

Anyway, I've got bookwork to do and a short walk to take and supper to make and a long list of updates from a bunch of you other Xanga members that I am dying to read...so I'll see you tomorrow.

Happy evening to you!  (I'm not even taking time to proof read. Hopefully there are no major errors!!)

My first blog on the NEW computer!

Yay!

I got it hooked up this morning...getting programs installed...transferring information over.  I hate this job, which is why I put off buying a new computer for about a year now. I dreaded the "getting all the information and programs from the old computer to the new" part.

Yes, I am the "computer guru" in this household.  Only problem, I am not much of a guru. I'm not even sure that I'm spelling "guru" correctly?

But I still get to do most of the "computer problem" related stuff.

My main solution:  Shut the computer down and re-start it.

If that doesn't fix it...take it to the computer repair shop.

See...I am quite the guru!

Silver...

Wish I had a lot of it.  Buried somewhere in South Dakota.

Alas, I do not. 

So I thought I would talk about shoes.  Silver shoes.

Because for whatever strange reason, I have had an especially deep longing lately to purchase more shoes.  Not to be confused with my normal but still slightly obsessive longing to buy more shoes.

Do I need more shoes?  Absolutely not.

Could I benefit from a few more variations in color and style in my closet?  Of course. 

You seee, I have this theory that if you don't have the right pair of shoes to go with the outfit...you may as well forget it. The outfit is ruined. So when I wear a certain outfit and wish that I had a pair of yellow shoes to wear with it, and I don't...then I assume it is time for me to go and get some yellow shoes. Minimalistic, I am not.

I have been looking at shoes on-line. Thankfully, the price usually stops me from purchasing any.

These are the silver shoes/sandals I have in my closet already:

And here are some that I would love to add to my collection!

I have been especially into HIGH heels lately.  And those new(er) shoes that look kind of like this:

Swoon.

I also would love to have these

or these (kind of sparkly and a little bling-y, but that's cool with me. I like me some bling.)

How about these?  Love 'em!

These might be just a tad too trendy (or s&m-ish) for me.

But the bottom line is this...

If you are ever sitting around some afternoon in your pj's, eating ice cream straight out of the carton, thinking about me and how nice of a friend I have been over the years...

and you just kind of want to do something special for me...

You can bet you will be safe with buying me a pair of strappy, high heeled sandals.

Any color will do.

I will be thrilled. 

(I'm a size 8)

And if someday I do happen to stumble upon that silver that is buried somewhere in South Dakota...

You better believe I will squirrel away a small portion in a fund labeled

"Shoes."

Happy Sunday to you!