So, I decided to start a new blog with a new look and step away from Xanga, at least for the time being. I am excited about a summer of blogging and about new ideas that I have for my blog.

Anyway, I will be linking to FB and to here (also) for a while.

Check it out and let me know what you think...

I sure do appreciate my online friends and their input in my life.

Click on THIS link to see my new blog.  Believe me, it is a work in progress at this point!

My last post on being genuine generated a question from several readers:

What do you do if you ARE genuine and real and then someone rejects you for that? How do you deal with that hurt?   First of all, this is a very real risk that you face when you "put yourself out there". 

If you want my genuine answer  -- I do not know that I have a healthy way of dealing with this.  My "strategy" is to just be myself and then if someone doesn't like me, I think something like "Well, I didn't need them anyway. Lots of others DO like me for who I am."

Like I said...not necessarily healthy. But that is how I deal with it.  I try not to take it too personal, because I know that not everyone is going to click with everyone else.  There are certain people that I am not very attracted or drawn to, so why would I think that everyone will be drawn to me? So you pursue those friendships where this is a mutual "like" of each other and let the others fade into the distance.

That is my slightly-whacked-out-but-honest answer!

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In other news...yesterday my friend Karlee and I went to Wal-Greens and bought the blondest hair color we could find.  She was scared to try it, but I told her I was not.  She did a home color job on me and now this is what my hair looks like:

It is blonder than they have ever gotten it in the salon. The downside is that there is an orangish color on my roots. But honestly, I'm cool with that. I am not very attached to my hair when it comes to needing it to be a certain way. Funky and slightly weird is ok with me. So I am totally embracing the orange.  (I also coined a new word to describe the color. It is blorange.  This is a mixture of "blonde" and "orange.")  I would describe it as more "cantelope" and "less pumpkin" colored.  Sounds pretty, not?    Karlee kept saying that it "turned out better than she thought it would" and I was afraid to ask how low her expectations were to being with!  Another friend (we'll just call her "L" to preserve her identity) told me that she preferred I not stand beside her at our kids' school field day.  I am choosing to believe she was joking!  

(And...of course...the ever unflattering self-portrait taken with the phone. Even though I tried to put on a nice smile, I still look creepy-ish!)

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My friend Cindy is giving away an awesome!! box of loot over at her site.  Check it out HERE  -- But don't feel obligated to sign up for the give-a-way.  I am sure that I want it more than you do!  Ha, ha.

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Today is Nikki's last day of school. She is beyond excited to be done for the year!  The boys have 5 days left (including today) and I am about as ready as they are for school to be done.

The problem is: I have these way high hopes for how my summer (largely at home with the kids) will go. I have lofty plans and dreamy ideas about how we will relax and hang out together in peace and how I will be such a great and attentive Mom.  How I will enjoy my kids to the fullest. 

I don't know why I set myself up for this inevitable failure.  Because by day 3 or 4 and I am usually like "Dang! Why did I want school to end again?"  Yeah, I've got issues. You don't need to remind me.

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I continue to re-learn this about myself: I am the true definition of an extrovert.   {An extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. In fact, extroverts tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are far more likely to think before they speak. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough.}

Yet, even as an extrovert, I realize more and more the importance of me just being alone.  Alone with my thoughts and alone with God. Because even the most people-loving person can be drained if they do not have a source of strength and Someone pouring into their lives!  I need to figure out a way to prioritize that alone time because I just tend to be with people if I have the opportunity.

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For the past year, Jeremy and I have been involved in a Bible study/community group in our small town.  (The name of it is "Element" and our good friends, the Bishops, had the vision to plant a church here!  The big focus, though, will be the community groups.  We are SO excited about "Element" and about seeing God work in people's lives!) I have learned SO much through being a part of this group and I am so grateful for the way that being part of this community group has grown my faith in God and my relationship with Him!!  Now, Jeremy and I are stepping out in FAITH (because it is certainly not of our own experience or skills) to lead the 2nd "Element" community group. Tuesday night was our first gathering!  We really enjoyed it and were so grateful for the friends who attended!

Anyway, one of the big things that I have been learning this past year is something that I want to encourage each of you with today.

We often make sharing Jesus so complicated.  We are scared off by it.  We feel intimidated or we fear rejection. But really, sharing Jesus boils down to this:  We each have our story. (Everyone does have a story...don't ever forget that!) and then there is the story of Jesus.  And our role is to tell others about that point (or those points) in our lives where HIS story and OUR story intersect. 

We are shaped by our life experiences and our hurts and struggles and victories and triumps.  We all have a story that is worth telling.  Witnessing to others is just about (once again) being genuine and being honest enough to share our story and then tell others about how Jesus' story impacted our lives, whether in big or small ways. 

I am reminded of a story from the Bible...about the "woman at the well" in John Chapter 4.  What an unlikely candidate to be the one from her town who meets Jesus, talks with Him, realizes that He is the Messiah...and then what does she do?  She is SO excited that she goes back to her town and tells everyone about this "man she met who told her everything she ever did!"  And through her sharing her story...maybe people came to know Jesus.  When we are truly excited about something, we WILL talk about it.  We will want to share our story with others! Transformation is no small thing...even though it often happens in very small steps.

If we are true followers of Jesus, there will be many stories (past and current) to draw on and share about how God has transformed our lives.  How exciting is that?  And how freeing to know that it is as simple as that.

Being real. Sharing our story.  Showing love.  And remembering that it is NOT about us...but about bringing glory to God through what He has done in our lives.

Our HIStory is HIS-story in the making! 

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Jeremy hit me with this quote yesterday.  It was original with him, as far as he knows.

When I heard it, all I could say is “Wow!  That’s really good!”

It was:

“I would rather be rejected for who I {really} am than loved for who I’m not.”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

To a certain extent, we all walk through life feeling our way when it comes to how other people will accept our revelations of our true feelings and experiences, whether big or small.

Sometimes I feel like I am blind-folded…slowly feeling my way…waiting for a bump or a stumble or a reaction when I share my heart.

Other times, I feel like I am just running full speed ahead.  Taking risks. Being genuine.  Unedited.  Just hoping for the best.

Often I feel like I live at the corner of “Weird” and “Normal” but you never know which category people are going to think you fall into.  Many times I question whether I should say something or not.  I gauge myself and my strengths or weaknesses upon what others think.  I feel like I am constantly trying to figure out if I am "OK" or not. 

Last night, at book club, we got to talking about motherhood and fears.  I was clearly the least fearful mother in the group.  So I start to question myself.  “What is wrong with me?  Why don’t I feel the way these other women seem to feel?  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Am I normal? Is something broken in me?” 

Often I find myself asking those kinds of questions when I am in a discussion and find that I am the “odd man out.” 

On the other hand, sometimes no matter what someone else says, I know where I stand on something. I just feel this settledness in myself about whatever it is and I know that between me and God, I am on the right track. It may not be the right track for everyone, but there is this deep-seated assurance that I am exactly where I need to be.  And believe me, that is a good feeling to have.

This business of being genuine…its not easy.  You play fast and loose with rejection when you are true to yourself. 

Make the wrong announcement or proclamation in the wrong crowd and you can practically see people turning their backs on you. If not literally, at least figuratively.

But here’s the thing: As long as we are not genuine, people like a version of us that really isn’t us. The bigger the façade that we have created, the more work it takes to maintain that image. The more tiring it is for us and the more we STILL don’t feel loved and accepted by others because they are only accepting the “image” we are projecting, not the real us.  It’s a cycle that just goes round and round.

For me, the more I understand of my significance apart from my own self, the less I worry about being rejected. 

The more I know who I am because of God and what He has done for me, the more I am free to be genuine and full of grace towards others.

To the extent that I don’t understand my worth in God, I will hide things that I don’t think people will like in me and I will put forth those things that I think they will like.

When you meet someone who is genuine, it is very refreshing.  You just get a sense that this person is not pretending and not doing a lot of hiding.  (Sure, we all have to build up trust with our friends and people we are getting to know, but some people just keep their insecurities and weaknesses a lot closer to their chest than others. And for a lot longer.)

When you admit some of your own struggle and are genuine about that, I think it is amazing how others feel a freedom to do the same. 

We talk in our Bible study (community) group about creating an atmosphere where it is “Ok not to be OK.”

I think that is SO important.  Especially in the church, where the idea that everyone is perfect and nobody has any problems has long been the route that people choose to go.  And it IS a choice.  But when gossip has taken over and people use “prayer requests” as ways to spread the latest info about people, then self preservation kicks in and you create a culture where it feels too risky to be yourself and admit your struggles. 

After a while, you have a whole group of plastic people who are afraid to say when they have messed up or need help because everybody else seems to “have it together.” 

How do we create a culture where it is “ok not to be ok?”  I think it has to start with each one of us.  Our willingness to be vulnerable.  To put ourselves out there.  To be open.  To not appear perfect. 

And then...to leave the results to God.   Because even if others reject us or don’t like us or think we are too messed up…God never feels that way about us. And that is a truth we can cling to!

...I over-slept (again) and missed my quiet morning time with God.

...I packed lunches for Nikki and I for her field trip to our small, local zoo.  Hers was a special lunchable she had picked out last Friday at the grocery store.  Miniature pizza, cheese nips, cookies, and one of those mini water bottles that you can mix red flavored powder into.  Apparently, it is not a Mother concerned with healthfulness who makes these lunchables, as there is neither hide nor hair of a veggie or fruit in this box.  (Unless you count the tomato in the pizza sauce...but I think that's a tad iffy.)  So, I packed her some applesauce and called it good.  My lunch...one of the only lunches on my Flat Belly Diet that I can eat with having a way to heat it up...A wrap spread with hummus, tapenade (yeah, I had no idea that it was smushed black olives prior to 2 months ago either!) and feta cheese...eaten with a plum tomato.  Yeah, I'm a little tired of that particular lunch.

...I had a bad hair day!  Really bad.  I tried to do these little braids in the front of my hair because I was playing softball in the evening and I cannot have my hair being blown in my face while I am "getting my serious game on."  Did I ever mention that I am NOT good with hair?  Well, during out little walk around the zoo, my one braid pretty much came out.  So...I took a picture of myself with my camera after I tried re-doing it to see if it looked anything less than absolutely horrible.

Yup. Absolutely horrible.  Plus, my expression of consternation and the fact that doing my hair this way makes me look about 10 years older than I am should be reason enough for me not to be trying little hairline braids anytime soon.  One person did compliment me on my hair-do.  I'm pretty sure she didn't look very close.  Otherwise, I am pretty sure the rest of the people I ran into were thinking "OMG...what was she thinking?" (And I did run into a LOT of people today! (And no, I don't think that the fact that this picture is sideways either detracts from or add to the awfulness!  It stands alone.)

...Got a little sunburn.  Yay for the beginnings of a summer tan.

...I spent 2+ hours in the company of these three ^^ little cuties.  I was their "big person" for their walk through the zoo.  One is my good friend Karlee's daughter.  It went well and they were very obedient, which is my main criteria for children who are in my care!

...I went to Derrick's school for field day and took nary a picture.  Nor did I get to watch him compete in any events in the hour and a half that I was there. I will chalk it up to my gift of bad timing.  I did, however, get to chat with friends and acquaintances and Derrick's teacher, so it was all good.

...I was also able to reduce (hopefully) some prior awkwardness that had happened in regards to a play date I had scheduled for Derrick with one of his classmates.  You know...the call where you say to the other parent "Um...you have no idea who I am, but my son would like your son to come over to play?" and then you go on to say stupid crap about how it would be fine if he stayed overnight but you totally understand if they aren't comfortable with that as they don't know you from Adam and by the end of the conversation you feel like you have pretty much blown every chance that your son had to be friends with this boy and his family, since now you have made yourselves sound like ax murderers.  The awkwardness was (hopefully) reduced by the fact that I got to meet this boys Mom and Dad and presumably remove the ax murderer image.  But with that bad braid hair day...I'm not sure it was as helpful as I think it was.

...I went on a walk with a very good friend.  Girl time and exercise at the same time...How cool is that?

...I took my kids to get fast food for the second night in a row.  I felt minimal guilt.  Did you know that at Dairy Queen on Wednesday evenings you can get a kids meal for $1.99?  (Maybe this is only at our DQ, I don't know.)  That includes a sandwich (or chicken strips), a side, a drink, and an ice cream treat.  So...I ordered 4 of them.  Sad to say, I was the only one of us 4 kids with the maturity to choose a banana instead of fries. 

(I realize that this is sideways. My computer won't let me change it??)

...As I had just enough time to drive to the ball field and eat my supper on the way and still make it to warm-ups for my first game on time...something happened in the backseat and the result was that nearly a complete cherry (red) Artic Rush slushie was dumped between, on and in the backseat of the van.  There was blame shifted and wailing because of the spill.  I remained quite surprisingly calm.  I grabbed a pile of napkins and cleaned it up best I could.  I did all of the swearing in my own head. Quietly.  It looked something like this:  "&%&#@WTF#$%Y(#how can they spill stuff within 30 seconds...$*@#$#@#@&(%#I  DO not have time for this #$(#$@(@#$( "

Followed by the more rational voice which reminded me that they are just kids. Spills will happen.  Even adults spill things. It was a mistake.  They will remember more about your angry words, if spoken, than anything to do with the spill.  Let it go.  And so I did. 

...I played my first ball game of the season!! We lost.  2 to 0.  Which I think was not too bad for our first time out.  I struck out.  I also got on base. And...then to my horror, I was the last person up when it was the bottom of the 7th, 2 outs, bases loaded.  Seriously!!???  I hit the ball but I was within inches of first base when the first baseman caught the ball and I was out and the game was over.  I wouldn't have minded so much if the game handed ended exactly like that.  But it was fun!  Jeremy and the kids came and watched. Well, Jeremy watched and the kids mostly played on the playground and with friends.

...I also found out that we are supposed to practice every Monday night, plus play on Wednesday. I did NOT know I was committing to 2 nights a week.  Jeremy and I are still in discussion about all of this.

...I went home and made my "Famous Baked Beans".  They are the yummiest ever and are so simple.  I am taking them to our Element cook-out tonight!  Excited!!!!  (not about the beans, but about the cook-out. Well, actually, about the beans too. They are THAT good!) 

I think I can give you the recipe by heart.  Just know...if there is ever a cookout and we are both there, you are not allowed to bring them.  That would be something akin to plagiarism!

Audrey's Famous Baked Beans (Not the title that was in the cookbook, but I am taking creative liberties here)

1/2 lb. of hamburger

2 stalks of celery, chopped finely

1 medium onion, chopped finely

1 green pepper, chopped finely

(Put all of the above in a frying pan and fry until meat is brown and veggies are tender)

Add:

1/2 cup ketchup

1/2 cup brown sugar

A dash of cloves

1/2 tsp of ground ginger

(I was super tempted to change the recipe to say "2 Tablespoons of cloves" because then your beans would turn out horribly, but my inner good person told me not to)

After that is all mixed together, add 2 large cans (maybe 28 oz cans?) of baked beans. I usually use Bush's.

Yum-O!

...I left my glove at the ball park. I realized this just as I was about to fall asleep last night. I am freaking out about this. I NEED my glove.  I startled Jeremy out of his deep first 5 minutes of sleep to ask him if he knew where it was.  I went to the ball park this morning on the way to work and looked for it.  I will go again this evening when the concession people are they. If they do not find it, I don't know what I am going to do!  You can't just buy another glove.  This is the one that I know how to catch superbly with. 

...I had a full day.  Many good conversations. Great times with friends.  Exercise.  Time with my kids. Snuggling into bed at night with my man.  I'm so blessed!

I have been SO busy.

Blah, blah. Yada, yada.

Who cares?

We're all busy.  Often, we create our own busy-ness and then complain about it.

So, just so you know. I am not complaining.

Just explaining why I have not been on here to post much.

I think of LOTS of posts.  They rattle around in my head like mini skeletons and then they disappear into the fog of daily life.  I have great inspirations...topics that I would love to expound on...things that I want to share with my friends...and then life just keeps on happening and I keep on not having time to write.

It feels like that "free time" is always just out of my grasp.

Like, I used to think "When I don't have little babies and the kids can play by themselves more..." then I might have some free time.

Or, now, "When the kids are all in school this fall..."  but I have this sneaking suspicion that is not going to happen either.

I think we need to just MAKE "free time" to do things we love to do because when you are in the throes of parenting and keeping up a home and building relationships with people and God and working and all of that...there is just often not enough of hours in the day.

Derrick gave me a couple of gifts for Mother's Day (made at school) that were super special to me.

One was a sheet where you fill out things like "What do you like most about your Mom?" and "What is your Mom's favorite food?", etc. and the other was a poem that he wrote for me.

I love when my kids write things for me. I love getting that glimpse inside their heads. 

But the theme that I noticed in his writings made me feel kind of sad.  He mentioned that what he likes to do best with me is play.  Like, baseball in the yard kind of play.  And he mentioned that he wishes I wouldn't have to work so much.  That I would have more time.

Why is it that kids always seem to want what it is hardest for you to give? 

I loved the nice things that he wrote about me.  I loved how he wrote that I am as beautiful as gold and that he would like to buy me a trip on Travelocity.

But mostly I felt bad because I am failing him, at least in part. 

I know I can work on this...spending more time, but life can be so demanding and sometimes I just don't know how to do it all. Or if I even want to try to "do it all".

My Mother's Day was not a smashing success, but I don't want to write about it because I know it would make my husband feel bad and I know how much he loves me and how hard he works and how busy he is.  And he does make me feel special!  Its just that maybe the expectations for Mother's Day are sometimes raised a little too high and then when things don't happen as you thought...its a let-down.

We did play a game of ball in the yard with the kids and my sister and BIL and then we had a campfire in the evening, so that was good!

Last week I also went garage saling for 2 days in Woodbury, MN.  It was a good time! My friend Dena was a great garage saling partner.  And, I got nearly everything that I had typed out on my 2-page list (mostly clothing, coats, shoes, etc. for the kids) so I felt good about that.  My annual garage sale pilgrimage has turned into more of a chore than a delight since I have 3 kids to buy for and I put pressure on myself to buy most of their clothing for the year at these garage sales.

I realize that is my choice.  And I like that I don't really have to look for or think about clothing for them for another year.  Those of you Moms who always are checking out the sale racks and buying stuff for your kids through the year...I honestly don't know how you do it.  How do you know what you need for each kid? And don't you get tired of always looking for things for them? 

I did manage to buy a few t-shirts for myself, a purse, and a couple of pairs of shoes. (Because I really needed those. Ha, ha!)  Plus a few pieces of jewelry and a little stack of books.

Yesterday I had softball practice and tonight Kendall does. Tomorrow night I have my first game.  There is a girl on our team named Tuesday.  Just FYI.  She is pretty and tall and young.  And people make lots of jokes about her name. "Hey, Tuesday...oh, its only Monday" kind of stuff. I am sure she is used to it. 

So we are pretty busy at the softball field right now.  I am enjoying it, though.  I do need to work on my hitting. A friend and her husband were kind enough to try to help me with my hitting form last night.  I think that they realized that the phrase "its hard to teach an old dog new tricks" definitely applies to a 33 year old who has hit the ball a certain way all of her life.

And then...some funny things from this past week:

From Derrick:  His classroom has had chicken and turkey eggs in it for a few weeks and last week the chicks started to really hatch.  He was telling me about the names that they had chosen for all of the chicks.

And because this is how my mind works, I was looking for a theme or similarities between the names. There is Larry and Daisy and Barry and Lilly.  Yay!  They all end in "Y".  This is good.  And then there is "Cane".  The fact that they didn't continue with the "ends in Y" theme kind of is driving me nuts.  Seriously? How hard would that have been?

From Kendall:  One night last week when Jeremy went to tuck Kendall into bed, his sheet was off at the corner and apparently Jeremy told him to fix it himself. 

By the time I came on the scene (knowing nothing about this interaction), Kendall has grabbed a nearby notepad and had written this little note that said:  "Epick faler" with a big arrow pointing towards the corner of his bed.  In case you can't interpret...this is "Epic Failure" which is apparently how he felt about his attempts to fix his own sheet. I helped him fix it. And then I went and told Jeremy the story and laughed and laughed.  Even as I am writing it now, it almost makes me giggle.

From Nikki:  Sometimes this little girl can be just as crude as her brothers. But I find it cute that she says the word "toot" instead of "fart". Makes it more girly, don't you think?  Last week someone must have let one loose and then I heard her announce "Folks, it might be stinky in here cuz someone just tooted!"  I thought that was just too funny!

Well, the weather has been absolutely GORGEOUS around here.  It is kind of hard not to feel happy when it is 75 degrees and sunny, but yet I have somehow managed to have impatient and annoyed and even angry moments within the past few days.  Guess God's still working on this "masterpiece"! 

Jeremy and I were already in bed last night and I was nearly falling asleep when I heard my phone vibrating. Before I could out of bed and get it answered, it had stopped ringing and now Jeremy's phone was ringing.

I could see from the caller ID that it was my brother Loren who was calling.

I wondered what he might want and it had crossed my mind that their baby might have been born, but it was a week before my SIL's due date so I just kind of brushed it aside.

Sure enough though, my brother said "Hey there, you've got a new nephew!!"  An excited conversation followed and I congratulated him, told Jeremy about it, and then went to sleep.

It sounds like we will get to go and meet little Dustin this afternoon. They are SUPER excited to have a boy because their only other boy is 11 years old and has been wanting a brother since forever, it seems!  I am so happy for them!

This is the second grandchild born to my parents in about 3 months time. My sister Debbie had a baby girl named Jenna back at the end of January.

Today I was reflecting upon (doesn't that sound really deep? Ha, ha) my journey of having children. And then, the journey of being done having children.

(I want to acknowledge, before I write all of this, that this is MY personal journey and experience. I have never struggled with infertility, have never had a miscarriage and have never been at a place where I longed for children and didn't have them.  So, please know that I do feel sensitive to that in other women's lives and I am acknowledging how hard that must be.  However, I don't feel like I understand that well at all, having never gone through any of that.)

When Jeremy and I were dating and first married, we would talk about how many kids we wanted.  I said 5 or 6. Yes. That was me who said that. I clearly remember saying that, but looking back, I obviously had no idea what I was talking about.

Once I got pregnant with our first child, the number started to go down.  Now I thought that maybe I would go with 4 or 5, since clearly, having been pregnant once, I was starting to understand that it was not all fun and games and I remember telling Jeremy that "I am never going to want to be pregnant again."

By the time child #2 came along, the number of children I wanted to have had again declined, this time to 3 or 4.

Bottom line: I learned this about myself. I am not a baby person. I don't really enjoy little kids very much. It took me years to learn to just admit that.  In a roomful of women, saying that you don't really like babies is akin to saying that you torture puppies for fun.  (Collective gasp!) 

While I do enjoy my own children and now that they are older I am breathing much easier, small children stress me out. They keep me up at night. They need me too much.  They are demanding and they can't understand when I try to rationalize with them.  They cry for no reason. 

So, by the time that we got pregnant with child #3, I knew for sure that I was done after this one. I really, really hoped for a girl, but even if it would have been another boy, I knew that my days of birthing and taking care of small children were over.

Often, I get into conversations with other Mom's about how many kids they have, how many kids they want to have, how to decide when they are "done" having kids, etc.  I think that this is a very personal decision and one that needs to be made with great care and ideally there should be full agreement from husband and wife before anything permanent is done. I know that the last part, especially, is sometimes easier said than done.

For Jeremy and I, we were so sure that we didn't want more than 3 children, that we scheduled the "procedure" for Jeremy even before Nicole was born. We didn't really tell a lot of people, as I knew that my parents, for one, did not approve of any permanent birth control measures.  But, while I respect my parents, this was our decision and we both felt good about it.

All that to say, sometimes when you know, you just know. And if you don't "know", then maybe that means it is not the right time to make a decision about whether or not you want to have more children.

When I hear about someone getting pregnant or about a new baby being born, yes, I am happy for my friends or my family.  But, mostly, I just feel sorry for them.  Because I know how much hard work babies are and I know how much I struggled to enjoy that stage of my life. I realize that is not everyone else's story, because some people LOVE that time of their lives and they love to take care of little babies.

Me, I would much rather deal with a 4 year old who screams at me and then slams her bedroom door (yes, we ARE working with her on these things) than a baby who cries at 2 AM and you can't figure out how to make it stop.

It has been 4 1/2 years since we made the decision to not have any more children, and in all of that time, I have only had one very short bout of baby fever, and that happened around the time that my sister had her first baby. Other than that, I seriously have had no regrets!  I am super happy with the 3 children God has given us.  I am not longing for more.

When I go to visit my sister in law's baby this afternoon, I will talk about how cute he is. How tiny and how perfect. How happy I am for them. I will probably bring a gift.  I will hold the baby for 5 or 10 minutes and then I will be super happy to give him back to her and walk away.  Just like that.

No feelings of "I wish he was mine" or "I wish I could have another baby" or even feeling like we should have left the door open on having another baby. 

People ask me how I knew? 

I really can't tell you.  I just knew.  With certainty.  I knew that having lots of kids wasn't for me. And I knew that I was perfectly content with my 3. 

How about you?  Are you done having kids?  Are you content with your decision?  If you are not done, how are you feeling about it?  Do you think you will ever be ready to be done?

♥  Yesterday I took Nicole to McDonald's for lunch after her school bowling party.   We were sitting in a booth near the back of the restaurant and this guy comes walking towards us, baggy shorts sagging off of his butt and wearing a too-big jacket of some sort. Looking all tough.

As he disappeared into the restrooms Nikki says to me "He's a gangster!"  Except that she can't say her "r's" yet so it comes out like "gang-staw".  I said something about us not really knowing that about him and kind of changed the subject and when he came back out and walked away from us, she turned around to watch.

And then she says to me "Yup. He's a gang-staw. Cuz his shorts were so low that when he was walking away I could see his undies."

I couldn't help myself. I just laughed and laughed. And told her not to point at people. But seriously. It was so dang funny!  How does she even know what a gangster is??

(I would say he was along the lines of the guy on the far right, but he was wearing shorts instead of pants.)

♥  The other day Derrick was playing a game on the computer, and Nikki reported to us that one of the user names on his game was "google my beep ass".  Except that instead of beeping out the ass part, she said it just like I wrote it.  Google my beeeeep ass.  Hey, at least she is sort of getting the concept.

♥  Last week Kendall asked me WHY I do not allow the boys to shoot wood peckers with their BB gun (or Kendall's spear. He had quite a sharp wooden spear that he is hoping to kill a bird with!)  I said "Because they are pretty" and he said "No. They are annoying!!!"  I thought "Well, buddy, if 'annoying' was the criteria for shooting something, there would be a lot less people in this world!"

♥ Last night I went to my first soft ball practice of the season. I have been wanting to play softball for years and this is the year I am finally going to do it.  Co-ed style.  As long as they let me play on their team after seeing me at practice.    I am excited! Even though I really know no one on the team and it is a bar league team for a bar I have never been too, I'm totally pumped!  PS -- My legs were pretty sore this morning from practice. I am turning into an old lady!

♥ I have been reading a bunch of new blogs in my spare time at work.  I found some really good ones and I also wrote a blog post about things that I do and don't like in other's blogs.  But then I felt like it was too snarky and I might hurt someone's feelings, so I didn't post it.  But, I did discover THIS blog and I LOVE it!! (Note: I do not condone her most recent post about lies that she frequently tells, although I did still find it funny. -- Refer to next item on my list...the black and white issue I have, and yes, it does apply to lying. -- But, if you scroll back through some recent posts, you will find some awesome humor that I CAN condone.)   I have found that one of the things that most attracts me to a person's blog is their sense of humor and being able to laugh at themselves.

♥  I was reminded recently (again!) that I DO not like ambiguity.  I had to fill out a questionairre and so many of the questions felt too undefined to me and it was kind of driving me nuts. I have reiterated to myself the fact that I am a black and white thinker and that grey is not my friend. But I'm working on it.

♥ Jeremy and I started on a SERIOUS budget, beginning May 1st.  Complete with this cool app called "I-Reconcile" that we downloaded on our phones and where we can enter every purchase and then it shows up on both of our phones. Talk about some accountability!! Usually, as soon as I get on a budget, I feel these uncontrollable urges to go spend a bunch of money. I am hoping that it doesn't turn out like that this time! I am trying to focus on the bigger picture...that of using our money to be generous for the purpose of the kingdom of God.

♥  This week I made these Pinterest inspired cupcakes to take to Bible study.  I hope they turned out yummy! I had to have the family taste test them because of my dang diet!

♥  Last night I went for dinner with a good (new-ish) friend (before softball practice).  I had SUCH a good time just hanging out and talking with her and eating those super yummy sweet potatoe fries with that citrus dip. I was reminded again how I never want to be a person who is closed off to new friendships because you never know what you might be missing if you refuse to open yourself up to "new" people.

♥  Sometimes I base my whole outfit for the day around something ridiculous. Like a certain pair of shoes I want to wear.  Or, like today, my ponytail holder.  Don't even ask.

♥  I have decided that one of the reasons that I am not good at writing daily life stories or noticing little things around me and being able to make a story out of them is because I am not a drama queen. A lot of stuff that happens to me that I see other bloggers making a whole (funny, generally) story about, I don't even think about. Its just part of life.  If you DO think I am a drama queen, now is not the time to tell me, because I am using this theory to feel better about myself and the way that I barely notice a lot of things that seem like a big deal to other people.

♥  We are TV-less.  Or Cable-less.  OK, let me say it this way. On Monday I cancelled our cable. And I am a little embarrassed to say that I was kind of hyper-ventilating as I made the call.  Can we REALLY live without TV? What if I forgot about some life altering, important show that I MUST watch and now the TV is cancelled? And then I thought about people in third world countries and decided that I was being ridiculous and that helped me to calm down. We have now made it through two days without TV. Yay for us!

♥  If you want to pray about something for Jeremy and I, you could pray about this and we would really appreciate it:  We have been asked to lead a small group as our Thursday night Bible study group has outgrown one house and we need to split the group.  We are willing to do it but very nervous, as we have never done something like this before.  We both have fears but we also know that "in our weakness, He is strong" and we are moving forward in faith. 

♥  Parting note for the day:  Be yourself.  If you aren't, there is no one else who will be.    Be authentic. Be real. Be open and honest.  Be vulnerable.  That is what people love about you...just you being YOU!

I saw this idea on Pinterest (you can find the link here) and decided to "just do it".  As they say in Nike-land.  The month of April seemed perfect, since it has 30 days!  I wanted to journal my discoveries and maybe share them with you. I feel like this got a little long, but I guess I will post it anyway. If I lose your interest part way through, feel free to skip on down through the rest!

Day 1 -- I decided to trade today’s assignment for tomorrow because I thought it would be more applicable.  So that meant that today’s was “Do not correct your husband.”

I tried to keep it in mind even as I found myself saying to him “Are you sure that’s how it is?” during Sunday school.

But honestly, this April Fool’s Day goes down in my mind as a horrible day and after I discovered the presence of LICE in Nikki’s hair during church, my day became a lot less about remembering not to correct my husband and a lot more about trying not to completely freak out and/or lose my mind because of the lice situation. Even though we had family over today, I was mostly just pre-occupied with getting rid of that lice!!

Seems she caught it through Kendall, who probably got it from school, since it was going around there. Thankfully, by the end of the day, it was seeming like we had the problem at least somewhat under control! (Note: A month later and it seems all lice has been erradicated, but I STILL am not feeling relaxed about it. Still checking the kids' heads periodically and hoping we never have to experience THAT again!)


Day 2 -- Today, then, was an assignment to ask your husband what you could help him with.  Jeremy got home about 6 PM, but after supper I said “Is there anything I can help you with?” If he was surprised, he didn’t let on.  He said he just needed to go out and put wood in the stove, so I said I would go along. It was pleasant outside and we walked the trash to the end of the lane and then meandered down to the woodstove...holding hands and just talking. It was really, really nice and I think it meant something to Jeremy that I went outside with him while he did that little chore. We had a really good evening together.

Day 3 -- Hug your husband at least three times today.  That was the challenge for the day.  Well, Jeremy and I were both at work all day, he got home about 2 minutes before I left to go for dinner with a girlfriend, so I was able to get in two of the hugs during that time, but I thought if I went for a 3rd hug in 2 minutes he might start to look at me cross eyed!   I got home by 8:30 or so and we had a little more time together, so I was able to get that 3rd and final hug accomplished. But I did wonder...on a crazy busy day like today, if I hadn’t had the challenge in front of me, would I have given him those hugs, and did they mean something to him?  Hopefully.

Day 4 -- Kiss your husband the first time you see him in the morning.  Well, my husband gets up at 4:30 AM.  I am not sure that my eyes are ever open at that time of the day, but we do have a ritual of him waking me up, kissing me, saying “I love you’s” or whatever and then I promptly fall back asleep, probably before he makes it out of the room a lot of times.  So...yes, I did kiss him first thing in the morning, but did I actually SEE him?  Probably not, because I doubt if I opened my eyes!

Day 5 -- The assignment for today was “Tell yourself ‘He really loves his family, and he is doing his best for us.”  Since I totally believe this already, this one was not hard for me to identify with. But I also decided to text him something along those lines because I know that is meaningful to him. In typical fashion, he responded with a 3 or 4 word text.  The brevity of his responses is the biggest reason why I don’t text him more often. I realize he is working, but still...When you write a 50 word text and get 4 words back, its a tad discouraging!

Day 6 -- I totally and completely forgot about the challenge for today. It was to buy, make or bake his favorite food.  Does it count that we went to Texas Roadhouse tonight with friends and that he ordered ribs (one of his favorite foods) and that the server brought the bill to me and I paid with my credit card, using our money? Maybe not, huh?  I DID also buy ingredients today at the store to make a Snicker Dessert, which I was planning to make for him, since he has a love affair with Snickers. (I did make the Snickers bars, he did like them, but apparently  he wasn't too crazy about them because they ended up sitting in the fridge for a while. When he really likes something, he doesn't let it sit there too long! Also, I left the peanuts out because I thought he wouldn't want them in, but later found out he WOULD have wanted them. So I kind of messed that up a bit!)

Day 7 -- The challenge for today was to write him a sweet note. It is Saturday, so we are together pretty much all day, but while he was out loading up firewood, I took the time to write a note about a number of things that I love about him. I put it on his dresser later that night for him to find.  He asked me later when I had put it there and thanked me for it. He didn’t say much else but I know from the past that this sort of thing means a lot to him!

Day 8 -- It said to plan at least 1 date night this month. Well, we actually just had a date night last night, because my sister and brother-in-law offered to keep the kids overnight, so I think we already took care of that one. We watched a movie together and went out for drinks and appetizers about 9 PM. That felt pretty wild to us. We never leave the house to go out after 8 PM! We joked about that.  Plus, we also have a kid-free weekend (with a few other couples) coming up in April, so I think we’re good.  I’ll tell you what, though...it is AMAZING to me how much being alone with or doing date night with Jeremy reminds me of how much and what I love about him!!

Day 9 -- The assignment for today was to “Put yourself in his shoes.”   So, different times today I thought about what it would be like to be my husband.  He gets up at 4:30 AM every week day (something I could NEVER do on an on-going basis), he drives about 45 minutes to work, and by the time I leave the house for the day, he has already been working about 2 hours.  He runs a machine in the woods and cuts down trees. His job can be very monotonous at times and can be frustrating, especially if the trees he is cutting are really small, like they are right now.

Tonight he came home, ate some supper, and then went outside for an hour and half or so, spread fertilizer on our lawn with the boys, came in and showered, sat down for a bit, then it was time to get the kids to bed and ourselves to bed shortly after.  In the meantime, I worked in the morning, but had the afternoon to just be at home. I cleaned out my closet (the clothing part) and made dinner but I also got to do some reading and just hanging out.  I feel blessed.  Putting myself in his shoes reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for.
After the kids were in bed we sat on the couch together and I listened to him talk about his day and his work. And I tried to REALLY listen. Not just kinda/sorta listen like I do sometimes.

Day 10 – For today the challenge is to “Focus on kindness.”  In our morning phone chat, I tried to remember to keep my voice kind (it usually is, I have to say, so that wasn’t too hard) and to ask him about his day and show kindness by being interested in how he was doing and feeling.  Last night when we went to bed he wasn’t feeling so great, so I checked in with him about that.

Day 11 – The challenge of the day was to tell your husband that you are “Glad that you married him.”  We had a situation today where we found out some things about how Derrick was doing in school (not good  things, but issues with being too distracted, being somewhat disrespectful to his teacher, etc.)  As soon as Jeremy and I got a moment alone, I told him all about what had been going on.  I SO appreciate his wisdom, his calmness, and his heart for our kids.   I appreciate the way that we work as a team and how we complement each other. Watching him talk to Derrick and watching the way he handled the whole situation just reminded me again of how happy I am that I married him.  And I told him that later that night.

Day 12 – “Pray for wisdom in being a wife.”  Now that I can do.  But, I do find that I tend to pray a lot more for wisdom as a Mom than as a wife.  Maybe because often mothering overwhelms me more than my marriage does.  But, I thought it was great advice and throughout the day I tried to remember to pray for wisdom in being the wife that Jeremy needs. Not just a “good wife” but specifically the wife that would glorify God and be best for my particular man.

Day 13 -- Do not use sarcasm with your husband.  Here I was, feeling pretty good about myself. Because, really, am I a sarcastic person?  I think not.  Well, when I brought this idea to the forefront of my mind, I found myself having to bite my tongue or rephrase things various times throughout the evening. Because, apparently, saying things like “Did you really think she needed that second cookie?” could come across as sarcastic. I realized, by doing this challenge today, that I have more trouble with this one than I thought.  Dang!

Day 14 -- I forgot to look at this one until past 1 PM, but it turned out to be “Remember that being a wife is a blessing” and so I didn’t need to specifically DO anything for this one.  I know in my head that being a wife is a blessing, but I will admit, there are those days where I think that not being a wife would be a blessing of its own.    So, yes, a good reminder for me on this Saturday where I GET to go out and help my husband and children with outside projects.  Hey, at least it is gorgeous out there!

Day 15 -- “Think only positive thoughts about your husband.”  Well, I’m not gonna lie. This one was pretty much impossible for me to do. Its not like my main thoughts about Jeremy are negative, but to go through a whole day without thinking anything that was not positive...I was not able to do that. That would mean I would have agreed with everything he did, thought everything he said was wonderful, and not been at all aware of my own opinions about situations.  We did have a really good day together and got along well.  We had a cool part of our church service where we all gave some advice to a girl from our church who is getting married next week and I appreciated what Jeremy had to share in that.  Its not that I remember getting upset with him about anything, but more than I would find a negative thought coming to my mind and then remind myself that I was supposed to be thinking ONLY positive thoughts today!

Day 16 -- Today’s challenge was to “Thank him for all he does for your family.”  I totally had plans to say this to him today, but I thought that it would be better in person, when I could gaze into his eyes adoringly (ha, ha) instead of over the phone.  Well, Jeremy got home after 5, we were watching “The Amazing Race” with the kids, I got supper on the table for him and the boys, and a little before 6 Nikki and I left for a Subway and a movie date.  I thought I would spend some time with Jeremy when I got back from the date, but believe it or not, when I rolled into the driveway at about 8:40 PM, the house was completely dark. I figured maybe he was watching TV in the bedroom, but no, he was literally already sleeping.  So, the day passed and I never did get to tell him thanks for everything that he does for our family. Including working so hard that by 8:30 at  night he is wiped out.

Day 17 -- Laugh with your husband today. This was easier said than done. Usually Jeremy and I laugh together a lot, but this particular evening he was tired and actually maybe a little grumpy, because we were out working on the pool deck, finishing up some things. Carpenter type work is NOT his favorite, for sure.  So, despite my efforts to make him laugh or get us to laugh together, there was not a lot of laughter happening. It was funny how when I was focused on that, I really noticed it when we weren’t laughing!  He did laugh about my blog post today, and the part about me not wanting to drive out of my way to stop in at home and get flip-flops. Because that is so typical me and so something he would make fun of me for and really not understand.

Also, after the kids were in bed, we watched the season finale of “Raising Hope” and that got some laughs out of both of us.  We actually both cracked up the most at the same phrase, which was where the Dad said “Well, that just blows my small, human mind.”  (You had to hear it in person!)  So, I would say it was a success for the day...to laugh with my husband...just maybe not as much as we normally do!

Day 18 -- Think of a wife that you admire and try to be more like her.   I feel like I already do this on a continuous basis. When I see something that I admire in another wife and the way that she relates to her husband, I try to emulate that positive behavior as much as I can. Every relationship is different, and every guy is different, but I know by now what Jeremy likes and appreciates and it is more about just remembering to do those things. But sometimes, another wife will inspire me in the way that she goes about making her husband happy.  That is always cool to see. For Jeremy, respect is definitely the thing that he wants most from me. And for me to be happy.  

I work on being respectful and not questioning him, etc.  When I see a wife who is very adoring and respectful of her husband, it stands out to me. Probably because you actually don’t see that a lot. Sometimes people who are very different from me really challenge me in the way they relate to their husbands. One person in particular has been a big inspiration to me and that is Lisa T.  We’ve even joked about how, in a situation, I just think to myself “WWLD?”  What would Lisa do?

I think she is kind of embarrassed by this, but it is true.  She has such a respectful and giving and unselfish way about her and I have seen it in action and been somewhat in awe!  So, yeah, I try to learn from others and their good traits and put them into work in my own life. Of course...easier said than done!   

Day 19 -- Today’s assignment was “Don’t ask him to do any chores or honey-do’s.”  This really was not a problem, because we were home together for all of an hour and during that time there wasn’t much I would normally ask for help with.  But, I was rushing around after supper to get myself ready for Bible study and get the table cleaned off, and normally I would have asked for him to clean off the table or help out in some way.  But I didn’t. And guess what?  He put dishes in the dishwasher and helped clean up without me even asking him!  So yay!  Other days, this one might have been harder to accomplish...like on a week end day when we are together at home a lot more.

Day 20 -- Today’s focus:  Patience.  Oh, boy! I have a ton of things to do today to get ready to leave for part of the weekend, so I feel a little stressed. Even this morning, I prayed that God would just help me to not get too stressed out but I would just do one thing at a time!  And most of all, to remember to be surrendered to Him all throughout my day.  So today’s patience challenge might be more about me and maybe with Nicole than with Jeremy, as I won’t see him until after most of my chores are done!

Day 21 -- Forgive him when he makes a mistake.  Today we were gone all day with a group of friends. We went to a “Generosity Conference”, which was VERY inspiring and motivational. We learned a lot! I honestly don’t remember any time today that I felt like Jeremy “made a mistake” so I don’t know that there was much to forgive him for.  But, it is something that I can struggle with sometimes...just letting go of little things that he did “wrong” or could have done differently, so it is good advice, even if I don’t feel it applies specifically to today.

Day 22 -- Assume the best about your husband.  Yeah, this one was a toughie for me today. Mostly because it was one of those Sunday’s where he is completely in “couch potato” mode, we had company, and I am buzzing around doing all sorts of chores and food related things (after being gone for most of the weekend) and he is just sitting there watching the race. I find myself feeling resentful. I try to keep this advice in mind, but it is not working very well for me.  How do I assume the best in this situation?  I can remember many times he HAS helped me. I can think about how he so kindly took Kendall with him on a firewood run this morning, I can think about  how hard he works and how he really needs a day of rest, I can be glad he’s not asking ME for help with a project of his, but still, I felt fairly po’d. I was not exactly sure how to slant what I was feeling into a positive thing.  I would give myself about an “F” on my assignment for today!

Day 23 -- Show respect for your husband.  Jeremy and I didn’t see each other much today, due to him being at work and me having book club tonight, but we did talk on the phone for at least an hour today. We were doing a lot of discussing about budgeting and finances and I felt like I was very respectful of his suggestions and ideas.  One way that I have found to show respect for Jeremy is not to argue with him or second guess his ideas. Yes, good conversation is great in regards to whatever we are trying to decide, but my tone and demeanor can make a big difference in how respected Jeremy feels.

Day 24 -- Do not interrupt your husband while he is talking. I can tell you right now...this will probably be the toughest one I have done so far. I am a horrible interrupter, whether with Jeremy or with my friends. It is how I keep the conversation moving. And, I might add, I do not mind when others interrupt me either. But...I know it is a bad habit and I know that often Jeremy is not finished talking when I add my two cents or even try to finish his sentence for him! Anyway, I did OK but not great at this one. But, at least it raised my awareness of the problem and maybe I can continue to make small progress in this area.  I think Jeremy would thank me!

Day 25 – Ask your husband’s opinion about something.   I do this ALL the time, so this was nothing unusual for me.  Often the phrase “What do you think?” comes out of my mouth. And I do feel like I take his advice into account.  If I don’t want his opinion or if my mind is pretty set, then I usually won’t ask, but many times I appreciate his unique perspective on things and I admire and seek out his wisdom in relation to many things. Today I made sure that I did ask his opinion about something but, like I said, I would guess I pretty much do that every day anyway.

Day 26 – Encourage your husband.  This is something that I should probably do better at, mostly because “words of affirmation” are a huge thing to Jeremy.  I think I would rate myself at about a “5” on a scale  of 1-10 as far as how I do on this. So yes, there is definitely room for improvement.  I was able to encourage Jeremy tonight in regards to the new small group that we are going to be a part of and that we have been asked to lead. We are very nervous and unsure about the whole thing...we’ve never done anything like this before, and so I just encouraged Jeremy in his role with that. He even said “Thank You” to me.

Day 27 -- Do one good thing for his health.  (Examples were: Make a healthy dinner, take a walk together, make an appointment for his annual physical)  Ok, you have to understand my husband. He is by NO means a health nut. Although I feel like one day he will regret it, I can only push it so far. He just had a physical not too long ago, so I wouldn’t pick that one.  He hates to walk even though I ask him various and sundry times to take a walk with me.  I am painting my living room today and had asked him to bring dinner home if he could (so that one is out. And btw, he brought pizza).   He probably would go on a bike ride with me if I asked him too, but frankly, we didn’t really have time. Between him getting home,  us eating supper and then going to a friends’ house tonight, I think that this one just might not happen today.  

Day 28 -- Look at him admiringly. Make sure he sees you looking at him.  I really don’t have much to write about this. I know I said some admiring things about his “fixing things” abilities to my brother, but Jeremy was not around. This was one of those crazy Saturdays where we didn’t see each other much and I am not sure that I got this accomplished.  I didn’t want it to seem fake or try to make something up on the spur of the moment.

Day 29 -- Turn off your cell phone, computer, or the TV when your husband is in the room.  I think that this is a GREAT one!!  And very, very tough for me.  I was on the computer when he got up in the morning, and I did finish up what I was doing (maybe for 5 minutes or so) even after he was in the room. It helped that today we were at church, had potluck, and were at friends’ house in the evening, because I wasn’t around the phone or computer much!  We did, however, watch a TV show together this afternoon! I think that counts as good quality time, though, doesn’t it? I think that this particular one would be good for me to work on as we go, because I know that I am often distracted by my phone or the computer when I should/could be spending more quality time with my man!

Day 30 -- Today’s focus: LOVE.  Well, to me, part of love is making Jeremy dinner, talking with him on the phone, listening to him, and being a friend and a helper.  I had a very busy day, but I felt like I took time for Jeremy.  I made sure to come up from my office when he came home and chat with him when he first got home from work.  We also went on a bike ride together tonight and spent some time watching one of our favorite TV shows together.

Summary:  I enjoyed doing this challenge. Sometimes it felt like just "one more thing" to remember each day, but it was really good for me to be intentional about particular aspects of our relationship. Did anything big come of this? Probably not.  Did SOME good come from it? Yes, I would say so.

I didn't tell Jeremy I was doing this and I am pretty sure that he never caught on. But he will...once he reads my blog post. And then I'll have to see what he says!

Isn't she so cute?

The random word of the day {packet} reminded me of something I did recently that I thought I would share with you all.  Maybe you will find it useful?

I cannot take credit for this idea because I totally got it from my friend Cynthia (the local friend Cynthia, not the PA friend Cynthia) when she was here visiting a few weeks ago.

Her daughter had this really great 3-ring binder with all kinds of coloring pages, school work sheets, and blank paper in it.

Well, all three of my kids love to write and draw and color.  And...we are sometimes in the vehicle for long amounts of time, such as when we do a firewood delivery run.

I thought about how little this project would cost and decided to just go ahead with it.

I bought a 3-ring binder for each of the kids (they are between $1 - $2 at Wal-Mart) and then I bought one of these little pencil holders that goes into a 3-ring binder. I think these were not much more than 50 cents each.

If you are like us, you already have a ton of crayons and markers and pencils, so I just pulled out the stash and the kids each picked an assortment of crayons and markers to put into their little pencil holder bags.

They decorated a paper to slide in the front of the 3-ring binder and wa-la.  We had the main part done.

I have no idea what "eniar" is??   I think Nikki was just writing random letters.  Maybe one day she'll decide to re-do her cover.

Then, all that is left to do is print out a bunch of age appropriate and interest appropriate coloring pages and worksheets for each child.

My kids each gave me a list of what they wanted and all I usually do is Google whatever they want. Such as "leopard coloring page" and usually lots of options come up. Otherwise, there are also great websites with all kinds of printables, whether coloring pages or worksheets.

Kendall's list even had how many of each kind of picture he wanted, like "6 pictures of soccer player" or "4 pictures of eagles."  It was cute!

Nikki is really into Strawberry Shortcake and Hello Kitty and that sort of stuff.

She even takes her book with her in the van just for driving around home sometimes. Or she'll take it to Grandma's on Monday morning when I am working. 

If your kids like to draw and color, etc. this may be a great idea for you.  And super cute. 

You also do need to have a 3-hole punch. We already owned one so I didn't have to worry about that.

Ready to roll...book in hand. This was yesterday before we left for the day. She did end up bringing her book into my friend Karlee's house to do some coloring while we were there.

Happy Thursday to you!

It's almost the weekend! Yay!

This past weekend Jeremy and I had the privilege of attending a Generosity conference with some other couples from our Element Bible study group.

It totally rocked our world, let me just put it that way.  It was all about creating a culture of generosity in our own lives and in the lives of the church. It was very motivating and convicting and presented in an interesting and engaging way.

One of the things Jeremy and I really decided to dig into was our personal finances. For a while now, we have known that we needed to "crack down" on our spending, but we just kept putting it off.  It is more fun to just spend money than to have to watch every dollar and where it goes, right?

I am actually feeling really excited to shift our focus away from ourselves and what we can get or what we can buy for ourselves and concentrate on how we can help others and further the kingdom of God by being generous with our time, talents, treasure, and touch (relationships).

There were some pretty sobering statistics given about what Americans spend their money on and how little they give to God or to others.  I would quote some, but I am afraid I would get them wrong, but one that does really stick out was the 94 billion dollars we spend on pop and chips versus the 83 billion that we donated to relief in Haiti.  Wow!!

The speaker also talked about how the church is so slow to address finances or talk about money and how it is, in fact, the job of the church to help people be accountable about their finances and to give them tools to make wise financial decisions and to help them to learn to be generous.

As for me personally, let's just say that my clothing budget has been reduced greatly...down to $25 per month, so I am going to have to make do with what I have for a while. Not that this should really be a problem!

While all of this ^^ was great, what I really wanted to write about was how this conference generated a discussion between Jeremy and I and how God used Jeremy to really show me/teach me something.

A little background:  About 3 or 4 years ago, Jeremy and I finally started titheing. After years of making lots of money but never being very disciplined about our giving (we would give here and there, kind of hoping it added up to a tithe, but it usually didn't),  I felt very strongly that we were supposed to start titheing. Jeremy agreed, even though he had recently taken a substantial pay-cut!

We took a big step of faith and just went ahead with it...wondering how we were going to balance our budget while giving away more money.

God has been good.  We have been able to manage and God has blessed us, but not in any big or really obvious way monetarily.

Fast forward to last fall when Jeremy and I were at a fund raiser for a local pregnancy resource center.  We had already written our check out before we went in, but as we sat and listened to the speaker and he talked about being open to the Holy Spirit about how much we should give, Jeremy and I decided to greatly increase the amount of our check.  Like, by 10 times as much as we had originally written it out for.

We felt really good about having obeyed God in that and I remember Jeremy saying to me that he was excited to see how God might reward us for that obedience.

Here's the thing: God is not a genie in a bottle. There is no formula where you put in X and out comes Y.

But, I have heard many, many stories over the years (and again this past weekend) about a situation where people trusted God and in faith gave money only to have that exact amount come back to them in some unexpected form. You know those kinds of stories, right?

As the weekend progressed, I was really struggling with this.  Why is God doing this for all of these other people but not for us?

We obeyed God and started titheing and nothing big happened financially. In fact, the firewood business we started has struggled to even make a profit. 

We obeyed God and gave a very large (for us) donation last fall and never saw a return of that to us in any monetary way.

Now I know God doesn't always bless the generosity of money with the gift of money back to us.  I get that.  But I was just feeling kind of cheated. Like, why don't WE have a story like so many others I have heard?

We were driving home from our friends' house on Saturday night after the conference and Jeremy and I were discussing this.

And he said something that I have been thinking about ever since.

He said "You know what? Maybe God hasn't given us money back for the tithe that we have been faithful in giving. But...look at the friendships that God has blessed us with in the past few years and especially in this past year or two.

You know how if there was ANYTHING that we would want to be blessed in or anything that would be so meaningful to you, it would be relationships?  How you are all about relationships? And when you think about it, aren't those friendships so much more valuable to us than any money or material possessions?"

And he went on to say "Doesn't it just remind you once again that God is a PERSONAL God?  He KNOWS what would mean the most to us and He has blessed us richly in that area!"

I felt kind of ashamed. Here I am wondering why God hasn't blessed us in the way that I think He should. Here I am putting God in my little box and all the while not even making the connection between our giving of our money and His rewarding us so richly in relationships.

I felt in awe of God and His goodness and His richness.

I wonder how many other times I do that? I look for and expect God to bless in a certain way or show up in a certain way and then He DOES bless and He DOES show up and I completely miss it because it wasn't packaged in the way that I thought it should be!!

I just wanted to say a public thanks to God for His blessings and His faithfulness and I want to be a person who chooses to be generous even if/when I maybe don't "see" any return.  Because doesn't obedience itself have its own reward?