The scene:  Jesus is visiting in the home of a Pharisee named Simon. They are eating dinner. (Luke 7: 36 - 50)

A women (a notorious sinner, the Bible says) slips into the room and starts annointing Jesus feet with perfume and washing his feet with her hair.

Simon is watching all of this and he deciding that he will use this situation as a litmus test to find out whether Jesus really is a prophet or not??  It appears that Simon already had a lot of doubt about Jesus' identity, but either he invited him over to trip him up or to answer the questions in his mind.

Here is what Simon thinks that he knows:

A) If Jesus is a prophet + B) He will know what kind of a woman He is allowing to touch Him = C) He will ask her to go away from him. (Verse 39)

But here is the problem with Simon's logic:  He doesn't really know Jesus.  He is going on the assumption that prophets would not be in close proximity to sinners. And maybe that was true in his past experience with prophets or "holy men."

(He also is making another false assumption:  He is assuming that he is NOT a sinner whose sin is equally as ugly in God's eyes and he is judging this women and ranking her at a whole different level than himself. If Jesus wasn't associating with sinners, He would have never been at Simon's house, but that thought probably never even crossed his mind.)

He thinks he has figured out how to tell if Jesus is truly a prophet.  But his foundation for his test is all wrong. He is believing a lie about Jesus.  Jesus gravitated towards sinners. He hung out with them. He welcomed them.  Whether or not he allowed this woman to be near Him said nothing about whether or not He was a prophet.

But to Simon, who didn't know the true nature of Jesus, it seemed like a crystal clear way to make a fool-proof judgement.

Don't we all do the same thing at times in our lives?

Because we don't really know Jesus and His character? And because we are using a false premise for the truths that we believe to be accurate?

For example:

A) I was abused as a child + B) I prayed and asked God to help me and it didn't seem like He intervened = C) God does not care about me.

A) I am a very intense person + B) I feel like a lot of people don't really "get" me = C) God must have made a mistake when He made me as He did

A) My marriage is in shambles + B) I have prayed and worked so hard at it = C) God doesn't notice or doesn't care about my lonliness & struggle.

A) I have struggled and struggled with a certain temptation + B) God has not taken it away from me = C) Maybe God is punishing me for my past sins

A)  I mess up every day + B) I feel like a failure = C) God must loathe me

We let these lies sink into our very soul and become a part of who we are. They shape us and define us.

The problem is...we are basing our equations on false information, just like Simon did.

Sometimes we maybe don't really know Jesus or we don't choose to believe who Jesus really is and what He is all about. 

I don't really have concluding thoughts (which always feels kind of weirdly open-ended to me) and I don't know if I have been able to convey this message to you with the kind of force that it struck me as I was reading about this story, but I know that aligning ourselves with the truth is such a basic and vital part of our lives yet something that so often trips us (me) up.

There is this website called "Creative Writing Prompts."

I like it.

It has 346 ideas for creative writing.

Why there is 346 and not 365 (one for every day of the year) is beyond my OCD mind?

Anyway, I used Random.org to generate a number and then I looked at what the prompt said.

It was #119.

And it said "Write about a person who does everything 'by the book'"

Hmmm...

Who do I know like that? 

Turns out, I didn't have to look too far.

She was sitting here in my office chair. Dressed in grey slacks and a purple frilly shirt and silver flats (that she has since decided don't really go with her outfit. Dang!).

Why is someone else sitting in my office chair?  Oh, wait.  Its me.  (ha, ha)

I would at least say it this way:  I am a recovering do-it-by-the-booker.

If there were meetings for it, I should have been going for years.

I confess:

When I had kids, I read books and magazines and pretty much followed what they said.  If I had a question, I would look it up in my "Your baby - Age 0 - 5" book.  I had my kids on a schedule. I even did something so extreme that it is embarrassing to admit, but it is the truth. I would feed my firstborn his bottle WHILE he was sleeping. It was a dilemma. Do I wake him up (never waking a sleeping baby, right?) or do I have him get off schedule?  Well, I guess I solved that one.  Don't judge me.

I grew up as a major rule follower, but with a touch of rebellion, therefore I was constantly in a tortured state of mind about the rules I was NOT following.

I do not cook without a recipe.  I do NOT just dump and stir and hope for the best. Oh, no.  I need to have a recipe to follow.  Otherwise, chaos will ensue, in my brain if nowhere else.

I like to stick with the plan.  If something is supposed to happen on a certain day or at a certain time, then, it better be happening then.  Flexible is not my middle name. But...I am learning. Slowly.

I used to be the poster child for reading marriage books (and implementing them). I read books on Child Training, books on how to grow spiritually.  You name it...I was up for reading it.

I still do read books like that and I will acknowledge that I have learned a lot of helpful things from these books. Some that work in the real world and some that don't.

But...I am learnING.  Life is not a puzzle to be solved. It is an experience to be lived.

Living by the book (not talking about the Bible here, but being a legalistic rule follower type) sucks the life out of life. 

You end up spending all of your time feeling defeated because you can never get it right.

Plus, you end up confused because every book tells you something different.

That said, it is extremely hard for a person who has "by the book" tendencies to live with unknowns and ambiguity.

But there is freedom to be found. I can tell you that from experience.

When you allow yourself to be led by the Spirit of God instead of following a set of rules (especially in relation to your spiritual life), there is this joy and freedom that comes with it.

Yes, it may be a lot more scary. It may look a lot less tidy.  

But it also opens up possibilities in relationships.  In life.  It opens up our hearts.  It gives us more room in our hearts to extend grace to others.

And those are things I want badly enough to continue to work on giving up the "by the book" approach, hard as that may be.

You all know that I am the proud owner of an I-phone, right?

I think I have made plenty of fuss about that.

While the newness has worn off a little, I am not any less enamored with my phone. I LOVE it! It has become my place to keep track of everything.  My place to check for updates on my blogging friends and my facebook friends.

Since I always have my phone with my, I keep all of my calendar stuff in there. I keep track of my calorie counting with an app called "My Fitness Pal", I do my menu planning and grocery list in there.  I use it as my camera at times.

I would take a picture of my phone, but I only have my phone with me, and I can't take a picture of my phone with my phone. Ha, ha. 

But, this one will do instead.

It IS a beauty, isn't it?

Anyway, two new things I have discovered.

One is "Words with Friends."  Now, I am aware that it has been around for a long time, but I haven't had my phone very long and I finally just downloaded the app on Sunday.

May I just say...I am having SO much fun playing with various friends.  If you don't know what it is, it is basically on-line Scrabble where you each take your turns and then wait for the next person to do their turn. Sometimes it can be hours in between or even overnight or whatever, so the games can go on for days. You can also play on Facebook if you don't have a Smart phone.

I am also finding out how I kind of suck at Scrabble, but oh well, I am learning.  Anyway, I'm hooked.

And then last night, after the kids were in bed, Jeremy and I were (quite close) beside each other...each on our respective Apple devices. (His I-pad and my I-phone)  We looked at each other and he said "Aren't we quite the little techies?"  We laughed about that, because this is kind of a new thing for us. Up until recently, all we had was the laptop and desktop computer.

He pulled up a game of Tic Tac Toe and waited for me to finish my "Words with Friends" and then we played a few games. Only problem was, he is wickedly good at Tic-Tac-Toe and I am horrible. He kept beating me.

By the time I decided it was time to quit, he had at least 5 wins to my 1. I cannot figure out that system for making sure that you can get three in a row two different ways.  He's got a knack for it.

Since I am a little bit of a sore loser, I suggested we do something else.  I don't mind some healthy competition, but when I can rarely win, I kind of get a tad irritated.

I decided I would see if I could find some other game we could play together and henceforth (yes, I can use old English words if I want to) discovered on-line "Battleship." 

So laugh at us if you want, but probably the most fun I had all day was laying in bed with Jeremy, playing "Battleship."  He on his I-pad and me on my I-phone.

We laughed together and made fun of each other when we hit one of our opponent's ships.  I got nervous when I saw the bombs coming through the sky towards my ships and breathed a sigh of relief when they missed.  The graphics were really cool and pretty accurate.  I got a kick out of the airplanes that slid off of the deck of Jeremy's biggest ship when it was going down in a burst of flames.

You know, there used to be this section of the "St. Paul Pioneer Press" called "Simple Pleasures". In my teenage years I would read this. It was just different people writing in about little things that made them happy. Sharing little stories about the "Simple Pleasures" of life that are there if you have your eyes open to them. I have no idea if that paper still has that section, but I think about that often.

Sometimes in life, if you wait for the big things, you spend your time perpetually disappointed.

But if you look for the "extra" in your ordinary, you'll find yourself a much happier person.

If you have a little girl or have ever had a little girl...you know one thing to be true.

When they are little, they want to be just.like.Mommy.

Nikki absolutely loves to go into my closet and then clomp around the house wearing my size 8 shoes or boots. I think it makes her feel grown-up.

Or, she'll do or say something and follow it up with "That's what you do, Mommy" or "You and me do that because we are girls, right, Mommy?"

It is adorable and cute, but it is also sobering. I know that she, especially, is watching my ever move, hearing my words, seeing how I handle life and figuring out how to model that behavior. 

There have been those times, too, where some ugliness of mine comes out in her and she'll even see, with that 4-year old candidness "You got mad at me, Mommy, so I can get mad at you."  Ouch.

Anyway, today she was walking around in my black, knee-high boots and I thought I would take a couple of pictures.

She even knows how to get her pose on!

You go, girl!

And speaking of boots...the "clothing/shoe/boot/accessory buying fast" has been broken.

Yes, I've been wanting them.

Yes, I ordered them on December 30th instead of waiting until January 1st.

But, I have not received them and have not paid for them yet (Thank you, credit card)...so on a technicality I think I stuck with my resolve to not buy things for myself until the beginning of 2012.

This is the pair that I finally settled on. Now I just hope they are as cute on me as they look in this picture!

When I showed my friend Karlee the picture of the boots, she said "Oh, those look like you." 

Which can either mean, "I would never wear them in a million years, but go ahead" or it can mean "Those are really cute and they fit your style."  I'm going with the second option.

Keep on walkin', girls. And remember, your daughters are watching!

On the Wednesday during Christmas break, four of us Moms and our kids all got together at my friend Liz' house.

It was one of the best days EVER...and I'm not trying to be all dramatic. Seriously, 5 hours flew by as if it was only 2.

We sat around and munched on good food while we gabbed and gabbed and gabbed. Hey, what can I say? It is what we do best!  They even went along with (and enjoyed, I believe) going through and asking each other questions from my "4,000 questions" book.  It started a lot of great conversations.

Yes, we have a way of going on rabbit trails, but that is totally OK too!

The kids went sledding and played outside and hung out in the basement. We had a hot chocolate bar, a warm fireplace which I sat next to, and lots of laughter!

Sometimes you just look around you and you think "Wow! I am so blessed to have these girls as my friends!!"

In the evening the husbands came over for pizza and to hang out for the evening. 

Here are a few pictures I took in the evening:

Our friends Dave and Kalli.  Dave got a new sweatshirt for Christmas and apparently he's pretty excited about it.  Definitely more excited than he was to play another round or two of "ask personal questions from Audrey's book", that's for sure!  He was a good sport, though!

Morgan, Mike, Dave and Kalli (with Elizabeth).  Great friends!!

Liz...our awesome hostess who was also wearing super cute jeans!   She was so laid back about the kids tearing up the house, knocking down a tree on the sledding hill (yikes) and having company for over 10 hours!

        ***************                **********************             *********************

We also had a New Year's Eve Eve party. No, that is not a typo.

We had our party on Friday night instead of Saturday because it worked out better for some of our friends.

Our friends Mike and Morgan hosted the party and we had such a great time sitting around talking and laughing, eating more yummy food, playing Quelf (girls only...the guys are not big fans), and just relaxing and being together.

Through the years, Jeremy and I have had long periods of time where we didn't have close "couple friends." I consider the fact that we have four sets of good couple friends these days to be a HUGE blessing. 

I don't know if this is the case with the rest of you, but there are a lot of dynamics in effect with couple friends and often it just doesn't work out for one reason or another.  Her husband doesn't get along with me, the guys don't hit it off, my friend gets on my husband's nerves...whatever. 

So I am not taking it for granted that we have these really great couple friends in our lives who I value highly and am so thankful for.

We didn't get a group picture of the adults, but we did snap a few of us girls.

Everyone was sparkly except for me.  I felt like I maybe should have thought of that!

That ^^^ is what you are to me, girls!

And then there were the crazy kids. They played downstairs most of the time, but we called them up a little before mid-night and they got their own special drinks to have after the count-down to the New Year.  Within an hour after that, most of them had crashed for the night.

It was kind of funny, because since we had the party a day early, on the actual New Year's Eve I was sleeping by probably 9:30 and we didn't really do anything to celebrate.

Oh, well, sometimes you just gotta roll with it!

Happy New Year to you, my friends!

A while ago I was doing some posts or partial posts about "Everyday Moments" and I loved how the process of thinking about writing about those things opened my eyes to them.

For a long time now, I have been on a journey to learn to be more present in my everyday moments. It is very hard for me. So often I am way too busy, there is too much going on, and I get zoned out on what I am doing (my projects or tasks) and I miss the great opportunities for relationship interaction (esp. with my kids) or I just miss the chance to delight in and relish a moment that will never come back around just as it is right now.

I've been thinking about how so much of life is very mundane and ordinary.  I don't think you can really argue with that.  But...our perspective can change SO much!

What turns something from ordinary to extraordinary?  I think a lot of times it is God...it is our focus...it is our attitude and our perception of the situation.  The mundane can become sacred if our focus is on God and not on ourselves.  Even the "bad" mundane situations can be looked upon as good when we frame them in a God-centered way.

I want this to be a new journaling project of mine.  To write about the "extra" in my "ordinary".  I am not making any promises about how this will go, but I want to try.

So, yesterday, December 27th --

Two images stand out in my mind.  The first is of me sitting in my blue chair, reading.  Kendall was close by sitting in his little chair.  He said something to me and I looked up from my book and really SAW him and made eye contact and listened.  And then he scooted his little chair over so that it was right next to mine and he started talking to me about one of his crazy ideas/thoughts/questions.  He has a very, very creative mind and a way of looking at things from a different angle that is intrigueing to me.  I put my book down and we engaged in a conversation, the details of which I cannot remember, but the feeling remains with me. Him looking up at me with those big blue eyes, all earnest in his questionings, and the way that he wanted to be right beside me. 

I was feeling kind of claustropobic after hanging out with all 3 kids all day and was needing a little space. But, I thought, how awesome is it that my kids WANT to be right next to me. To share with me what is going on in their worlds.  And how can I miss those opportunities to enter into their lives?  I know I do it often, though.  I wish I had a picture to go with this, but that's the problem...sometimes the best moments aren't captured in photographs because you are not expecting them.

The second image is of our family at bedtime.  Nicole had on the nightgown that I must have, at one point, told her that I like the best, because when she came out of her room dressed for the night she said "Mom, close your eyes" and then "Ok, now you can open them" and then "Look, Mom!  I'm wearing the pj's you like so much!"   I said "Oh, yes, you look so pretty!" and admired her pink Tinkerbell nightgown.

Anyway, we were having family prayer with all of the kids before bed.  Nikki was sprawled out across my lap, Derrick was laying down on the couch to my left and Kendall was sitting/laying to my right and then Jeremy was sitting next to him.

We all took turns praying.  It is so cool to hear our kids talking to God and I especially like Nikki's little way of praying. She always prays "I hope" before she says things. As in "I hope we had a good day today and I hope that Daddy got home safely from work and I hope that we have fun tomorrow..."  It is just too cute! 

I just peeked out through what were supposed to be closed eyes and looked at my little family...all sprawled out and cozy...praying together.  And I will myself to snap a mental image of this scene.  All the kids are here. They are all still little. They all still want to hang out with Mom and Dad. They all love Jesus.

Maybe I'm afraid it won't always be that way and I want to remember the sacredness of an ordinary moment like that. 

This has to be one of the most laid-back Christmases (is that a word?) we have ever had.

We didn't travel anywhere, for one.  We didn't have a lot going on...just our own little cozy family Christmas on Saturday and then hanging out at my Mom and Dad's on Sunday.

It was good. Real good.

The kids had off school starting on Friday.

That morning we made sugar cookies and decorated them.

I have a hard time getting the kids to be serious for photos these days!

Except, of course, if they don't know I am taking a picture and they are all into their decorating.

Is there anyone else out there who lets their kids make sugar cookies and then thinks "How are we ever possibly going to eat these?"  After they have rolled them out many, many times and touched them all over with their hands.  And, at one point, I kid you not, I caught Kendall STANDING on his little pile of cookie dough. That was going to be his method of flattening it.  I put a quick stop to that, but really?  Jeremy and I often say we should keep a book of sentences we never thought we would say. I am pretty sure I could add "Stop stepping on the cookie dough" to that list.

That purple icing tasted SO disgusting. I used too much of the food coloring stuff.

Saturday was a super lazy day.  Jeremy and I talked about later that it just may have been the least work he has done (except for on some Sundays) in YEARS. Literally.  It was so nice to just hang out and chill together. 

In the evening, we had a snack-y kind of supper and a birthday cake for Jesus.

They are in the midst of singing "Happy Birthday, dear Jesus" on this picture.

Why is Kendall not wearing a shirt?  Great question. Later, we made him put on one. Do we really need ALL of our Christmas pictures from 2011 being an exhibition of "shirtless Kendall"?

And then...drum roll...the much anticipated time had arrived.  Gift opening time!!  Turns out, Derrick is the most patient person in our family. All along, we had said Saturday after supper would be gift opening time for our family. But, as the day wore on, I was totally pushing for opening them earlier...seeings we didn't have much else going on.  Yeah, I get impatient like that. Derrick was the only one holding back, so we called a quick little family meeting and the compromise was 5 PM as our "present opening time."  But if it wasn't for Derrick, we would have totally opened them at 2 PM.

I made them all sit in a row on the couch and take a "nice" picture. No weird faces allowed. They were pretty cooperative, since as soon as we took the picture, the gift opening could begin. I feel like I should have used that situation a little more to my advantage...maybe to request a few other things while I was at it. "Nicole, you clean the table off every day for the next month.  Derrick, you empty the dishwasher and Kendall, you load it."  "Ok, Mom."  Done deal.  Bummer! Guess I missed an opportunity there.

We played a little dice rolling game to make the gift opening more drawn out.  That was a fun way to open the gifts.

Kendall got a pillow pet from Aunt Molly.

Derrick got a book.

My handsome husband.

What was inside of this box?  An I-pad that I scrounged together the money to buy. He was absolutely delighted!!

Yay! Roller blades and accesories for her doll Sophie. (From Aunt Molly)

There were gifts from Jeremy and I and gifts from Grandpa Wayne and Grama Betty.  The kids were delighted with their gifts.

I had gotten an early Christmas present from Jeremy (remember? The I-phone.) and then he also got me a programmable coffee maker. I am loving it...and spiraling downwards toward the coffee addiction, I am afraid!

Sunday morning we had snacks at church instead of Sunday school and then had a Christmas sermon and songs.  It was good.

The rest of the day was spent at my parents. Just hanging out. My family doesn't do any gift exchange or anything, so it didn't feel as much like Christmas. But being together is always good. We missed Lynette and Paul, we are gone to Grenada right now.

Not everyone made it for lunch.

Such a cute picture of Kendall and his cousin Sherra. (Debbie's little girl)

Debbie with Sherra. (Debbie is due with baby #2 in about 2 or 3 weeks)

Yours truly.

This is one of the best picture I have ever seen of my Dad.  It is so natural looking.  I really love and look up to my Dad.

My parents and I. 

Debbie got all of the nieces and nephews t-shirts with special iron-on pictures on them. They were really happy with their gifts! 

The main meal of the day. Jeremy smoked a ham on our pellet grill. It was delish! Mom had turkey besides and stuffed and mashed potatoes and fruit and Christmas salad and dessert, etc. It was SO much good food!

And then Monday it was back to work. I woke up with this kind of sick feeling in my stomach that I sometimes get when something I was looking forward to a long time is now over with and life is back to "normal."  But its all OK. 

I have so incredibly much to be thankful for. I was just thinking about that today.  A lot.

One of the biggest things I am thankful for are my friends.  I feel so extremely blessed with many great friendships. 

I have this thing in our hallway where I keep the pictures I get over Christmas time.  I just get this happy feeling when I think about this wall and all that it represents.

Family and friends from near and far.  Can you find your picture?  (if you sent one, that is)

Relationships are really what life is about.  With God and with other people.  And I feel blessed to have you as a friend!

I am actually not really in the mood to do this post (not sure why), but if I don't do it now, it will be totally out of season by the time I post it.

Not that there is anything wrong with that!

But...one of the things I have been thinking about that  I really want to get across to our children at Christmas time (and throughout the year, really) is the spirit of giving.  I want to teach them the concept that it is better to give than to receive.  I don't want them just thinking of Christmas as "What can I get?" and being all greedy about it.

I had a couple of ideas of things to do this year to intentionally help that process along, and one of them was to make cookie/candy plates for our neighbors and have the whole family go and deliver them.

I did the baking last weekend (Friday and Saturday). It took me a long time.  I got tired of it. I don't know if I will do it again, but maybe it is kind of like childbirth.  You forgot the details after some time rolls around and then you're ready to do it again!

We delivered the plates on Sunday afternoon and it was really fun.  We got to meet all of our neighbors (we gave plates to everyone who lives on our dirt road -- about 12 households) and to see their smiles when they received the cookies and treats. It was a really good feeling. And, I have to say, first time I have ever done this. I should probably be ashamed to admit that!

Anyway, here are some pictures I snapped. This way, too, I will have record for next year of what I made this year.

These I had seen on Pinterest.  They were pretty complicated and involved a multi-step process, but I thought they turned out really cute and added some much needed color to the plate.  But...the taste? I would only give them about a 3.5 on the 1 to 10 scale.

Just boughten sugar cookie dough with Christmas tree shaped mini M & M's.

Reese's blossoms or whatever you call them.

Oreo stuffed chocolate chip cookies. Yeah! You heard right!! They are super yummy!  And the cookies turn out to be HUGE!

I posted these on Facebook once before. This time I did part of them with peppermint kisses. I would say we all probably still prefered the good old chocolate kisses.

Buckeyes. Jeremy's Mom always makes these, but I think this was the first time I tried. They certainly weren't perfect, but they tasted great!

Fudge. Some with walnuts and some without.

One of the plates.

Assembling plates.

The finished product.

Like I said...Fun, but a lot of work.  The good news...we got to keep the leftovers!

And...in other Christmas related news, last Friday night we drove up to Duluth and went to Bentleyville. It is this huge village of Christmas lights.  Very cool!  They have a place to roast marshmellows, they give out free cookies and hot chocolate, you can visit Santa, they have over 3 million lights, and we really enjoyed it.

Its kind of magical.  And...admission is free. Can you believe that?

The entrance.

OK. This is Derrick roasting marshmellows. I guess it got just a "tad" blurry!

The whole family...bundled up!  Our eyes look crazy, don't they?  PS - Under my normal looking clothing is my "bunny suit."  And no, you will never see a picture of me in it, so quit asking. But it did keep me pretty toasty!

Merry Christmas to all!  Excitement is running high around here. Presents are to be opened tomorrow evening!

I have heard people talk about this strange phenomenon that happens with their kids.

Where all of a sudden they don't want to be seen with their Mom anymore.  Where they are embarrassed to walk into the store or the school or into church with you.

In theory it doesn't seem that difficult to deal with...when you hear another Mom talking about it or mentioning it casually in a conversation and laughing it off.

But, as with a lot of other things in life, when it happens to you...its a whole different story.

Up close and personal, its a lot more raw and gritty and emotion-packed than when I've heard it second hand.

It stings.

It happened to me this morning.

I had to walk into school with Derrick because I was bringing a treat for his classroom party and the treat didn't fit very well in his backpack.

He scurried ahead of me out of the van. At first I didn't think too much of it, but then when I said "Hey, wait for your Mom!" and he glanced at me but kept right on trucking...walking fast, as if I was the fox and he was the rabbit being pursued and about to be eaten if he didn't stay one step ahead...I started to realize what was going on here.

Then I thought..."No, not me.  Not yet.  Not MY son."  What have I ever done wrong?  How could he possibly be embarrassed to be seen with me?  I am dressed nicely. All ready for work.  I don't look creepy. I am young and could even be considered pretty.  I am carrying treats that I made and painstakingly decorated for his classroom party. Treats that he asked me to make.  The SPECIFIC ones that he picked out.  How dare he??

But, oh, yes. He dared.  He totally dared.  To walk at a frantic pace, down the hall of the school, towards the gym where he waits every morning before going to his classroom.  Despite my calling out his name.  This was a boy on a mission.  To get to that gym without being seen with me.

It hurts.  I don't get it.  I thought I was one of those Moms who is so non-clingy. I've given my children space from the time they were little.  Should that not count for something in moments like this? I felt like we have a healthy sense of "You are you and I am me and we're both OK with that" going on.  I thought I wasn't one of those Moms whose self worth was based in what her kids thought of her.  I'd navigated the "don't hug me in public, Mom" thing pretty well.  Was it not just, literally, yesterday that I stayed home and cancelled all my plans for the day because you woke up with a fever and didn't go to school?  Was it not me who got a cool washcloth to put on your burning hot forehead? Was it not you, my son, who laid your head in my lap as we sat on the couch and I soothed away your aches and tears?  What the heck?  Is this the same boy?

But this.  This thing of not wanting to be seen with me.  Really?  Are we serious here?  Ouch.  And double ouch.

I had to talk about it.  I called Jeremy.  I talked for 4 minutes straight.  He said "Uh huh" and "Yeah" and "I think you should blog about it."  (I have no idea if that was sarcastic or not. I am choosing to believe it was sincere.)

I needed more processing. Some affirmation.  Advice from someone who has already walked through this.

From behind my desk at work, I sent out a frantic Facebook message to a dear friend.

"Can you talk?  I'll call later."

She could, she wrote back. Whenever it works for you.

Let me just stop right there.

Because this is what I have been thinking about.  What is a true friend?  I'll tell you what I think it is. 

Someone who is there for you.  Period.  Whenever. However silly.  When they hear that urgency in your tone and that emotion in your voice (or your FB message) and they say "Ok, girl.  I'll be here. I'll drop what I was going to do to listen and help where I can."

There are lots of friends who say they will be there. But when the situation arises...turns out they've got more important things going on.  Somehow, you turn out to be more at the bottom of their list than closer to the top.  (I know there are situations that can't be helped. Prior obligations that must be met. I know I am not "numero uno in everyone's life all the time.  I get that, ok?) 

And when I called her a couple of hours later, she picked up the phone. And she listened.  She was sympathetic. She's been there.  She offered advice.  She CARED!

Even though she was in the midst of running errands and I had to pause in my pathetic little sob story to wait for her to order "3 lbs. of Virginia baked ham, please". 

No, she didn't have all of the answers.  There are things that I need to figure out on my own.

This situation with Derrick feels big to me.  Maybe its not, but it feels that way. Its a first.  It feels pivital. Like, maybe if I don't get this one right, it will affect the next situation.  Like a row of freakin' dominoes. 

I want to care about what he is feeling. I don't want to make it about me and my feelings of rejection that I am working through. I want to understand him. I also want him to be respectful and polite to me.  Is it really OK to ignore your Mother and race down the hallway so you don't have to be seen with her?  Stopping only to glance over your shoulder, letting her know you heard her, but not slowing your pace?

And my friend, she got that.  That this is a big deal to me.  She didn't laugh at me and she didn't invalidate my feelings.

But she gave me hope. She said "This is a phase. It will pass. And one day, he'll want to walk beside you again."

And just before we hung up, she offered me this piece of advice that made tears spring to my eyes and a quiver creep into my voice.  "You don't have to get it all right, you know?"  I don't know if she could hear it or not, but I said "I know" in a voice that was shaking with emotion and then I hung up, cuz I didn't want to get all awkward.

Because even though I said "I know", I'm not sure that I understand that it is OK not to get it right.  I feel like I mess up so much already.  I put so much pressure on myself to handle things properly. To be the best Mom I can be.  To be unselfish and try to think of my kids first.  To be able to hear their hearts and understand them. I SO want to get it right.  I feel it like a weight on my shoulders.  Because what if I don't? What if I really screw up? What then?  What becomes of my relationship with them?  Will they have grace? Will they extend forgiveness? Will they see my heart through the hurt I may have inflicted upon them?  It scares me.

But what a gift.  To say to me "You don't have to get it all right.  You know?"  Grace and understanding and love from a TRUE friend.

A listening ear.

Being there. Really being there when I needed her.

What a gift!  What a blessing! What a treasure!

(I know you'll be embarrased to read this and "ph-shaw" me or try to brush this off, my friend, but I mean it.  Deeply.)

(I feel so blessed to have a number of these true friends in my life.  Who have really and truly been there for me. I could name a list of names.  Different scenarios, different struggles, different day.  But a common thread binding them all together:  Being there for me in my time of need.  I only can hope that I am also that kind of friend. That the same can be said of me.  Because it is a big deal. A really big deal.)

I have noticed that everyone seems super busy right now in the on-line world.

And everywhere else, I am sure.  'Tis the season, right? (Although, for us, this is one of the most laid-back Christmas seasons we have ever had and may I just say...I am enjoying it!)

So, I won't take a lot of your time. 

I thought I would just pass along a couple of my current obsessions.  For your enjoyment. Or whatever.

Tan knee-high boots:

Gotta get me some.

The "clothing/shoe/jewelry" fast ends at midnight on December 31st.  Some boots like the ones below are the #1 item on my list of stuff to buy.

Do you have a favorite?

Obsession #2 --

The TV show called "Happy Endings."  I am totally obsessed. I love, love their sense of humor. Love the characters. Kind of pretty much just want to hang out with them and laugh and talk.  I just purchased (on I-tunes) the 1st season of the show because I didn't learn about the show until Season #2.  I am squeezing in time to watch those episodes whenever I can.  I think it is my favorite show since "Friends."

Obsession #3 --

Yup, still kind of enamored with my I-phone.

But in particular...apps.

And, the "voice to text" feature.  Where you talk into your phone and it types what you say.

Although, it is slightly embarrassing if someone is listening because not only do you have to talk slooowly and dis-tinct-ly, but you also have to "say" your punctuation.

As in "Hey comma girl period   I was just wondering if you wanted to go for lunch question mark"

So pretend you are listening to me...speaking slowly and distinctly and speaking my punctuation marks.

You can feel free to laugh now.

Jeremy does.

He says to me (very slowly and distinctly)... "So...did     you     ride     the    short    bus    to    school   too?"

Whatever.  Laugh all you want.  It is still a whole lot faster than texting with your fingers.

Therefore, I am a fan!

There are other obsessions...not all of which are appropriate to write about, so we'll stop there!

Merry Christmas!!

Here's to hoping that last minute shopping goes well for you.

Or, if you are like me, there is no last minute shopping and then you can just pat yourself on the back and be all smug.

Not like I am feeling that way or anything.  Don't get me wrong!