July 14, 2011
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Yesterday…
…my kids were at Vacation Bible School at a local church.
This time of year, anyone who wants to watch my kids (for free), teach them about Jesus and then feed them lunch…Oh, I’m TOTALLY in.
Monday while they were there I had to work.
Tuesday I thought I should get some stuff done at home.
But yesterday, Wednesday, I was feeling pretty caught up.
I had the laundry started, I had the bookwork done for the day, I had a plan for supper and my house was not completely trashed.
Vacation Bible School is from 9 AM to 12 Noon.
3 hours of wide open space.
How to fill it? This is not a problem common to a Mother of small children.
It seems the time is so often filled FOR me. One urgent thing to the next. Just do.the.next.thing.
As Ann Voskamp says “Hurry drains the soul.”
And it does. I notice it in myself. A lot.
But 3 hours with “nothing” to do? Nothing I needed to accomplish?
I hardly know how to act.
I came prepared. With my Bible, my “One Thousand Gifts” book and my “Raising your spirited child” book.
By about 9:05 I was seated in a comfortable chair in our cozy little coffee shop in town and turning pages. Sipping my caramel mocha and reading and relaxing.
It was wonderful! I felt like I could soak so much information in when there wasn’t somebody constantly interrupting me.
I felt quieted. And calm. And patient.
Funny how when I don’t have anyone to BE patient with, I feel SO patient?
I think I could be a total saint if it wasn’t for all of these people around me…making me grouchy and irritable. (Totally tongue in cheek, in case you don’t know me well.)
I felt refreshed.
And then after about an hour and 15 minutes, I started to feel restless.
What? Its only 10:15? I still have another two hours before I need to pick up the kids? Maybe I should have called a friend to come and meet me here. Oh well, I guess I’ll read a little longer.
And then I find myself checking the clock again…15 or 20 minutes later.
I feel this pressure to get going.
For what? To do what?
I had a few errands to run, but they were going to take less than a 1/2 hour.
Why the restlessness? Why the rush? Why the desire to accomplish?
(These are questions that can apply to the whole of my life.)
I’ve been thinking about it lately. This busy-ness that we immerse ourselves in. That we are even proud of. How we compare ourselves to others and feel smug in our accomplishments.
What is driving it? Why do we feel this unease in the midst of what is supposed to be a time of restfulness?
I have decided that the biggest road block between my desire to show Jesus love to others and Actually showing Jesus love to others is my busy-ness. My agenda. My rushing.
But what to cut out? What to let go of? What to relax about?
How to dig deeper and uncover the reasons behind the rush? How to be calm and quiet in spirit in the midst of whatever IS going on?
What would God want to speak to me in the silence, if I stop long enough to listen?
I ended up leaving the coffee shop early. Running my errands. I still had time to spare, so I went to a park and sat and read some more. And tried to soak up the beauty of the day.
3 hours and I didn’t know what to do with it.
I think I can safely say “Audrey…you have a problem.”
My worth does NOT come from my DOING. It comes from my BEING.
God — help this truth to sink down deep into my heart!
Comments (9)
Very good post. I think about this a lot. When friends used to fuss about how crazy busy their life was, I was like “I don’t pity you, you can say no” but now I’m at that point where it just seems I”m alway rushing from one thing to the next & dragging my poor children with me. But I’ve taken a look over the appt. & sadly most of them I can’t really say no to- I can’t not take my daughter to her therapy appt. since they are crucial for helping her with her developmental delays, I can’t not take my children to the dentist, dr., eye doc etc and I feel like we need a fun day thrown in at least 1/2 a day a week to just do something fun with the children. You’ve made me want to try harder at saying “no” to what really isn’t necessary. Thanks!
yikes!!! good post. . . kick in the butt, really, thanks alot!!
“Funny how when I don’t have anyone to BE patient with, I feel SO patient?” Truer words where never spoken
My problem is, my thoughts get interrupted SO many times during the day that even when there is quiet and peace, my brain has forgotten how to put an entire thought together. Quietness and reflectiveness do go hand and hand. It is hard sometimes to look into my own heart.
Right now, I am just trying to imagine what I’d do with 3 hours of free time 4 days in a row!! Enjoyed your post, even if I don’t have that same drive like you do to always be doing something. I wish I’d have more of that, so it’s interesting to read your view of it.
@inanorchard - I am laughing and agreeing with your comment! I think my brain forgets how to put an entire thought together too!Great post Audrey. I enjoyed reading it. Sitting in a coffee shop quietly reading…sounds heavenly!Enjoy your weekend. =)
i would have been the same way…partly because of a lack of planning on my part most likely. cuz who couldnt shop for 3 hrs or sit in barnes and nobles or something like that?? but if i dont plan it to the core and have at least 2 days to think about it, i most likely will end up a little on the bored side. crazy, though.
So it’s not just me? I was beginning to wonder if someone is going to cross me off as an ADHD child only recently diagnosed. I can honestly feel like a caged lion when there is suddenly nothing to do and I wasn’t expecting it. I think it is time for someone to stop charging through life like a bull moose in mating season.
@smilesbymiles - “I think it is time for someone to stop charging through life like a bull moose in mating season.” hahaha…love this comparison michelle. i am…btw…still not officially diagnosed myself. so…it’s not just you and audrey.
so good to read your thoughts, hearing them “again”only this time…i could concentrate uninterrupted!i am totally all mother teresa when i am by myself too. just like i am a much better mother with rested children. i was looking for a great quote that you reminded me of,but. i can’t find it. it’s gonna make me nuts until i do.but it was something about BEING before DOING…and it made sense. like what you said! ^^^