August 2, 2012

• {Anger}

  A good friend of mine told me years ago that a counsellor that she and her husband were going to said this:

  “Anger is never a stand alone emotion.  It is always a by-product of another emotion.”
  

  I have thought about this many, many times over the years.  I have tried to decide if I think that this is a true statement.

  I still am not sure. But I do think there is a lot of validity to it.

  Last night, the kids and I were sitting and watching the softball game that was being played after my game was finished.  We won, by the way.

  Anyway, there was a situation where the third baseman was not in the proper spot when the third base short stop wanted to throw the ball to him. Oh.My.Word!  You should have heard the way that he called his teammate names and cussed him out.  Everything from stupid m***f**’er to whatever else he could think of at the time.

  The kids and I watched in somewhat shocked amazement.  Imagine walking back into the dug-out and looking your teammate in the eye after you just completely lost your cool with him and called him names?

  I used the situation to explain to my kids how, even when you are angry and frustrated, it is NEVER ok to talk to someone else like that.  I also told them how sometimes a person is actually angry at their own selves for their mistake, but they will take it out on someone else.

  And guess what?  The person who looked like a loser was not the guy who wasn’t in his proper spot by third base!!

   

  I think that, as a society, we have made anger a more acceptable thing for men to show than for women to show.  It is somehow viewed as unfeminine or wrong.  I know that for myself, I have often found myself editing out the word “angry” when explaining how I felt about something. I will choose to say that I was “mad” or “frustrated”.  When I know deep down that it was actually a stronger emotion than that.

  I know that the Bible says we should not sin when we are angry.  That kind of indicates that we WILL feel angry at times, but what we do with that makes all of the difference.

  I know that blowing up is not the answer, but neither is stuffing the anger, because I can promise you that it will come out eventually.  So there must be a happy medium…where we learn to express our anger in a healthy way.  I’m guessing I’m still a little left of center most days.

  I think about anger sometimes and what triggers anger in me.  And why?

   

  These are things that I have recently felt angry about:

  Nikki spilling her lemonade. Yesterday. Approximately 10 seconds after I had set her cup in front of her. For some reasons, messes make me angry.  Like the spillled cherry slushies (yes, that’s plural) in the back seat of the van.  Or the spilled yogurt on the carpet.  I feel immediate anger when one of the kids spills something.  I really have no idea why this is.  Granted, I generally hold it together pretty well, but I definitely feel angry.

  Jeremy asking me to take a load of wood to the KOA.  Somewhere between unloading the 363 bundles of wood and then dropping off a dirty, heavy tire at the repair shop, I was swearing under my breath and saying to myself  ”When did I (expletive) sign up for this?”  I even talked to Jeremy about how I felt angry and that I realize it is my problem.  I told him that I know my anger is disproportionate the to situation and that I need to figure out what might be causing it before I can explain it to him.  I’m still not sure. Although I do have a theory.

  Being asked to stop at the store and pick up something for someone else.  When no, I was not going to be running into that store today. 

  The bickering between my children.  Especially my two younger ones.  Nothing quite raises the blood pressure look some good old stupid, senseless bickering and fighting.  On Tuesday I had to apologize to the kids because I raised my voice and got a little too “frustrated” with them on the way to music lessons.  Also, nothing like enclosed spaces, like a van, to bring the bickering stress level to new heights.

   

  When I look over this list, I realize something embarrassing and shameful.  All of the things that I can remember getting angry about lately are based in my selfishness.  I don’t want things to inconvenience me. I don’t want to deal with messes. And fighting kids. And running errands for other people.

  Wow!  Do I have room to grow or what?

  How about at least saving my anger for just causes?  Like people being mistreated or Christians who do harm to the name of Jesus or children who are abused.

  The fact that categorizing my anger reveals a bedrock of selfishness in my life is a little hard to swallow.

   

  What makes you angry?  Do you struggle with anger?  Do you have a hard time admitting it when you are angry?  What have you found to be helpful in dealing with your anger?

  • 3:07 pm
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