November 8, 2012
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RWOTD {Sleep}
I like this quote. A lot.
And I feel like it kind of sums up what I am feeling right now.
Sometimes, there is nothing left to say and a person needs to just be in a listening mode.
I feel that within me. I have so many struggles and things I am trying to figure out and work through. Internal stuff.
Feeling like I need to work on things inside my own heart but not knowing how to sort out the things that need to be changed from the things that don’t. Where to accept the way I am and where I need to grow.
I have been forcing myself to write but even as I read back over it…it sounds flat.
I made an appointment with a counsellor yesterday. The same one that Jeremy and I went to years ago. I told Jeremy that I need to “get my sh** together”. And then we laughed when I said “I was going to ask you if you were ok with me going…and then I realized it doesn’t really matter if you are or not.”
And then he said “Yeah, I guess if I’m not ok with it, I can make my own appointment and talk to the counsellor about it!”
This morning I was just praying and talking to God and my mind was just spinning. I just asked God to give me a word or SOMETHING for today.
After a bit, the word “peace” came to my mind and I recalled that verse in John that says “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth…”
I feel that today. That peace. Knowing that God and I will get it all figured out. Knowing that the process isn’t always easy. Knowing that God loves me just.as.I.am. In all of my screwed-up-ness and my struggle.
I need to hang on to that. But I also feel like I need silence. The sleep that nourishes wisdom.
Comments (9)
I haven’t used this mini in awhile so here you go.
Love ya.
all i can think of right now is that i want silence so badly right at this moment- literal silence- that it makes me wanna scream that i probably won’t get it today!!
let me know how the counselling thing goes. i know in my heart that i need to find someone to help me sort out a few things, but part of me shrinks from it. it just seems to scary and vulnerable.
i really liked this Audrey.
the first step is the hardest, right?
although, i have to admit that when i saw the title, i felt a bit cynical. sleep? what on God’s green earth is that when you have a sick baby?! it makes me laugh actually.
but, about your post.
i greatly admire your stepping into that place of trying to get your _ _ _ _ together.
i’d love to sit and talk about some of these things with you and hear more of the piece of God loving me inspite of the struggle and mess. sounds quite familiar to my weary soul..
have a great evening Audrey!
i had just told the boys how tired i am…and i’m going to bed early—for a change. sleep is something i’m needing…and probably the kind as referred to in the above quote as well. for sure.
anyone trying to get their sh** together has me in their corner…cheering for them as i try to work on my own.
jared needs to type up homework.
so my time here just came to a screeching halt. hopefully we can get to talk soon. love you lots.
i was feeling like rachel ^^^…wishing we could sit and talk about this very thing. but then maybe that doesn’t work with the silence needed.
you know me. i’m all for seeing a great counselor…i hope that you experience valuable insight… the kind that opens windows and turns on lights.
maybe part of having our stuff together is realizing how we won’t…and we need Him. and He loves us. period. not inspite of…but Just.Because.I’m.His.
man. how i understand about feeling like you need to get your **** together!! and i kinda envy you for taking that step to see a counselor. i’ve thought about it, but always hold back. probably pride more than anything. but i would say this past year especially, there’s been such a tiredness in me, and it has nothing to do with sleep. i know there’s a rest that only comes from working through all my crap. changing what i can. accepting what i can’t. believing He gives grace..even on the days i feel completely grace-less!
i’m glad you felt His peace so strongly. it’s like just when we’re at the end of our rope and feeling we can’t hold on another second, He gives something so undoubtedly from Him and we feel a re surge to keep going.
hang in there my friend. you’re not alone! and i want to join that conversation w/ rachel and cindy too. calling a date for july next summer… in TENNESSEE!!!
)
@foreveranoatneygirl_n2Hisown - ”what on God’s green earth is that…” i admit, that made me laugh too!!
I did notice your silence and felt there was/is ~deep~ going on. i know sometimes you cannot even explain it. ((Hugs))
I actually came over here thinking…I haven’t seen Audrey around in a while. Well…now I get it. I almost sent you a text earlier..to see how you’re doing. Now maybe I should leave you alone? Ha! Let you have silence.
Love Cindy’s comment. I ditto a lot of what she said.
I’ll be praying for my friend Audrey. Miss you around.