March 20, 2013
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{Pain}
I wrote this poem out a very dark place in early December. I have had it sitting here in my unpublished posts for over 3 months, afraid to let it see the light of day.
But I feel like God is saying now is the day to share it. Maybe it can help someone else who is struggling, even if it just lets you know that you are not alone in the struggle.
I thank God I am not in this place anymore. There is hope! But I can’t say I’ll never be there again. Life is hard. Pain is real. But God is greater!
{Pain}
Running scared,
Chased by fears.
Hiding my pain
without any tears.
Many thoughts,
all a mess.
Wanting more,
but getting less.
Someone to say,
you’re safe with me.
I’m not afraid
of what you might be.
The Voices keep
chanting in my head.
Years of decisions,
where have they led?
Looking for shelter
from the storm.
Some place where
I am safe and warm.
I feel lost in a
city with no roads.
Pushing buttons but
still can’t find the code.
Wanting answers,
looking for clues.
All is at stake,
yet nothing to lose.
Feeling so broken
and empty inside.
Wishing my scars
weren’t so easy to hide.
Am I more fucked up
than all the rest?
Or are they just
putting forth their best?
My cry echoes
up towards the sky,
silence meets my
questions. Why?
Comments (15)
I can relate to this poem, Audrey. I totally hear you.
Thank you for sharing it!
And since I’m not really a hugger in real life, here’s a mini hug.
My life became hell in February. I can definitley relate to this poem. Sorry you had a tough time of it.
love you!
A couple of your phrases remind me of my nightmares. I’m glad you’re not in that dark place anymore. I’m not in my dark place anymore, either, but sometimes, I do dip down. If I could just hug you….or finally make the gift for you that I have in my simple head!!!
i love you.
thanks for being brave to share this..
your words echo so many thoughts in my own heart.
so simple yet so profound!
those dark places can feel so lonely.
yet it’s thru the transparency with others about those lonely places that it all becomes worthwhile. because it’s THEN that we realize if someone else made it thru….so can I!
i understand the terrible feeling of helplessness…the city with no roads, pushing buttons but cant find code type of deal. love u, glad u feel better now.
I’ve been in the depths of darkness and it is not a pretty place. I try to remember to do the things that help me stay out of that darkness. I read a book and worked in a workbook entitled Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is Christian and an excellent at bringing home truths that help you through the pain.
Oh yeah, I’ve had my dark times, and can so relate. Feeling so lost, and messed up.
And BLESS you for sharing this. I’m so glad your not in the same place it is so soul draining–but honestly, i think it builds empathy, and compassion like nobody’s business.
So yeah, here’s me saying “go Audrey!”
It’s hard for me to say this is a great piece of writing (it IS) because great writing is almost always born out of experience. The deeper the experience, the more poignant the words. And so to say this is great, seems almost like a clique slap in the face because what you went through before you wrote this is completely the opposite of grace. I’m sorry about the pain and the darkness. And I know that sounds horribly clique, too, but I really mean it. I like these words {probably because I can so relate}:I thank God I am not in this place anymore. There is hope! But I can’t say I’ll never be there again. Life is hard. Pain is real. But God is greater! There’s a certain naivete (?) that you lose after going through this much darkness. Because you KNOW how dark it gets. It’s not just a bad day / week / month and you’ll bounce back. There are hard, hard, HARD places in life and you never know when you’ll hit one. But you do know how hard it will be when you do. And I think if I remember right you’re a non hugger (right?) so here’s a high five
and much love!
i read this yesterday and wanted to comment, but didn’t get around to it. but just wanted to say- i get it. and no, i don’t think you are more messed up than everyone else- i think there are a lot of people who just won’t admit it, especially christians, because we think we have to make it look like we have it all together. love you!!
This is a beautiful, touching poem… and one born out of pain that is honest and real. I can relate parts of this – not because of where I am now, but because of where I have been. We are all broken, and in desperate need of a Savior and Redeemer and Healer! Love to you!
Someone to say,
you’re safe with me.
I’m not afraid
of what you might be.
The Voices keep
chanting in my head.
Years of decisions,
where have they led?
Oh god… yes, yes yes…
thank you for sharing, like I can’t even thank you enough… i’m so glad that there are a few rare people in this world who are so real and raw, because i get sooo much hope and grace from it!
Thank you for sharing your heart! I can or have identified with many of the words of this poem. Your honesty is refreshing!
your recent posts touch me in deep places. thank you. and correlate with this time of year. there’s the reality, the agony of that dark, lonely and brutal friday.
and the sunday morning shout of an open tomb declaring new life— HE IS RISEN.
so even when it’s a saturday after that kind of friday. sunday IS coming. thanks so much for revealing both.