May 22, 2012
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{On Being Genuine}
Jeremy hit me with this quote yesterday. It was original with him, as far as he knows.
When I heard it, all I could say is “Wow! That’s really good!”
It was:
“I would rather be rejected for who I {really} am than loved for who I’m not.”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
To a certain extent, we all walk through life feeling our way when it comes to how other people will accept our revelations of our true feelings and experiences, whether big or small.
Sometimes I feel like I am blind-folded…slowly feeling my way…waiting for a bump or a stumble or a reaction when I share my heart.
Other times, I feel like I am just running full speed ahead. Taking risks. Being genuine. Unedited. Just hoping for the best.
Often I feel like I live at the corner of “Weird” and “Normal” but you never know which category people are going to think you fall into. Many times I question whether I should say something or not. I gauge myself and my strengths or weaknesses upon what others think. I feel like I am constantly trying to figure out if I am “OK” or not.
Last night, at book club, we got to talking about motherhood and fears. I was clearly the least fearful mother in the group. So I start to question myself. “What is wrong with me? Why don’t I feel the way these other women seem to feel? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Am I normal? Is something broken in me?”
Often I find myself asking those kinds of questions when I am in a discussion and find that I am the “odd man out.”
On the other hand, sometimes no matter what someone else says, I know where I stand on something. I just feel this settledness in myself about whatever it is and I know that between me and God, I am on the right track. It may not be the right track for everyone, but there is this deep-seated assurance that I am exactly where I need to be. And believe me, that is a good feeling to have.
This business of being genuine…its not easy. You play fast and loose with rejection when you are true to yourself.
Make the wrong announcement or proclamation in the wrong crowd and you can practically see people turning their backs on you. If not literally, at least figuratively.
But here’s the thing: As long as we are not genuine, people like a version of us that really isn’t us. The bigger the façade that we have created, the more work it takes to maintain that image. The more tiring it is for us and the more we STILL don’t feel loved and accepted by others because they are only accepting the “image” we are projecting, not the real us. It’s a cycle that just goes round and round.
For me, the more I understand of my significance apart from my own self, the less I worry about being rejected.
The more I know who I am because of God and what He has done for me, the more I am free to be genuine and full of grace towards others.
To the extent that I don’t understand my worth in God, I will hide things that I don’t think people will like in me and I will put forth those things that I think they will like.
When you meet someone who is genuine, it is very refreshing. You just get a sense that this person is not pretending and not doing a lot of hiding. (Sure, we all have to build up trust with our friends and people we are getting to know, but some people just keep their insecurities and weaknesses a lot closer to their chest than others. And for a lot longer.)
When you admit some of your own struggle and are genuine about that, I think it is amazing how others feel a freedom to do the same.
We talk in our Bible study (community) group about creating an atmosphere where it is “Ok not to be OK.”
I think that is SO important. Especially in the church, where the idea that everyone is perfect and nobody has any problems has long been the route that people choose to go. And it IS a choice. But when gossip has taken over and people use “prayer requests” as ways to spread the latest info about people, then self preservation kicks in and you create a culture where it feels too risky to be yourself and admit your struggles.
After a while, you have a whole group of plastic people who are afraid to say when they have messed up or need help because everybody else seems to “have it together.”
How do we create a culture where it is “ok not to be ok?” I think it has to start with each one of us. Our willingness to be vulnerable. To put ourselves out there. To be open. To not appear perfect.
And then…to leave the results to God. Because even if others reject us or don’t like us or think we are too messed up…God never feels that way about us. And that is a truth we can cling to!
Comments (11)
Terrific post! “
You play fast and loose with rejection when you are true to yourself.” – very true, and a sad fact of life. I am usually the odd man out, myself.
May I suggest a part two to this? “How to handle rejection when you choose to be genuine.” lol A lot of good stuff to think about in this post. And I love that orginial quote!
That would seem to be pretty plain…when you put on a front, you’re always at risk of slipping—or failing, and revealing the “real you”.
What’s the point of pretending? If you are who you are, then you don’t have to REMEMBER who others think you might be. MUCH simpler…and much less stressful.
As long as we are not genuine, people like a version of us that really isn’t us.
Loved that quote. And the post in general. Thanks for sharing. And I love your background. Very fun.
I am reading the book Brokenness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Great, great book.
We have been going through the book in our ladies bible study…and this topic came up. Being real, being honest and being a genuine person. It’s true, when we are open and honest, people feel they can be open and honest with us….but when we act perfect and flawless, people won’t want to open up and share for fear of being judged or criticized.
Great thoughts here and a great original from Jeremy.
Love the quote and love the post too.
I like hearing your perspective and I think it’s refreshing that you don’t have the same fears as some of your friends.
Our differences really are what make us interesting.
~Super good quote from Jer! ~
Great post, Aug!
loved this Audrey! so much.
i think being okay with being genuinely oneself is so liberating. constantly worrying and wondering what others are thinking of you is really quite binding. not that i never do that, but really, the older i get and the more life throws at me, i want to be Content being who i am. in Him. not afraid to go against the flow. not afraid to let others pass me, or be at a different place than i. just me. what-you-see-is-what-you-get-Rachel.
someone suggested a sequel to this on how to deal with rejection of ones genuineness? good idea, because inevitably that Will happen when you are not afraid to be yourself!
I’m going to re-read this several times. I’m like the kid who wants to to ride a bicycle but just doesn’t get the hang of it. Oh to lose that nasty little voice that says, “If what other people think bothers you, it means you know better.”
O soaked this all up, and it’s seeping inside slowly. Maybe we can talk about it in person, huh? I could do better that way.
For one (I know this might be messed up) but I have some people (ha GUESS who) who have seemed to dislike me from day one. Not since day one that we met, but since day one that they have had to accept me into their family and have me appear in public with them. NOW I don;t seem to be good enough. Instead of becoming insecure, I become this sweet person with them, seriously, I am very well behaved. But, I loose my fun person.
Now when someone says (friends have already) that I am NOT the same me with them, than I always fall back on my lame excuse. “well, I’d rather they dislike me for whom they think I am, rather than who I really am”. Lame, I know. But it hurts less.
I love your insight on the whole subject, it seems healthy and I need that….health.
wow. what a great quote jeremy. and i love this post! i’m reading along thinking about what i’m going to say. because i could write a book length comment and still not be finished with my swirl of thoughts on this. not that they need to be written
it would be my way of explaining that yes! i hear ya!
however i stumble at times, i do know that authenticity is worth it.