January 24, 2012

• Bedtime and Perspective

  I have about 3 different posts swirling around in my head, so I am hoping I can narrow it down to one.

  That might make things easier for all involved.

  Ok. There.  Now I got out a sticky note, scribbled down my other 2 post ideas and my brain feels uncluttered enough to write about the one at hand.

  Did you need all of that info?  ^^  No.  But guess what? I like to over-share.  Its my M.O.

   

  I was chatting on the phone yesterday with a friend and we were talking about how we hate when our kids need us when we are trying to get some “me time.”  And yet, isn’t that what Mothering is pretty much all about?

  Kids needing us when we are trying to get something else done.

  Or when we are on the phone.  Or when we are trying to read.  Or…you fill in the blank.

  I told my friend that nothing brings this out more for me than bedtime.  Once I have said prayers, listened to the last few urgent thoughts of the day that they need to get out, and tucked children into their beds and am walking away, they better.not.call. “Moooommmmyyyy.” 

  Because I am SO off duty.

  In my mind, I’m already sitting on the couch, drinking my glass of wine, talking with my husband and I have no one to be responsible for other than myself.

  Probably at least 50% of the time when someone yells “MOM!” after I have already tucked them in, they get this very snarky and angry sounding “What??” from me. I can’t really communicate it in writing, other than to say that it is a very irritated sounding response.  Like, “I just got done tucking you in.  What more could you want from me? I have nothing left to give!!”

  Not that I am proud of this response.  But it takes ALL the self control that I possess plus a bunch handed down from heaven for me to respond sweetly with a “Yes, dear.  What is it?” at a moment like that.  So maybe I shouldn’t be, but I’m kind of proud of the 50% of the time that I DO respond sweetly.

   

  But…as I was thinking about all of this again this morning, I remembered something.

  About 4 years ago my Dad and I went out on a little date.  I think that this may have been one of the only Father/Daughter dates I have ever been on with my Dad since I am married.

  I know that it was about 4 years ago because I remember that I was pregnant with Nicole.

  I remember feeling awkward.  About being pregnant and going on a date with my Dad.

  I don’t know if I can explain it, but something about me being an adult woman (and a pregnant one at that) and just sitting there in McDonald’s chatting with my Dad about random stuff made me feel weird.

  My Dad and I have always been close. I’ve been alone with him many times.  I’ve had many conversations one-on-one with him.  And they are not awkward. 

  I think I wondered how he looks at me?  Like, when he looks across that table at his 29 year old little girl, all grown up, what does he see?  To me, I’m still his little girl. I should still be about 10 years old. 

  Something about that date brought out the awkwardness of “How do we relate now that we are both adults?” in a way that I hadn’t really experienced before.

  Anyway, other than that, the thing I remember about that date is this:

  I asked my Dad a question. 

  “Was it hard to let us kids grow up?  How did you handle that?”

  And I remember what he said “The hardest part of you kids getting older and growing up was when you weren’t all in the house anymore at bedtime.  There is just something about tucking ALL of your kids into bed at night and knowing they are all there and are all safe.  Its hard to get used to the idea that one of them is not there at bedtime.”

  I felt choked up.  I had never thought about that in particular being a hard thing for a parent.  It always seemed like my parents navigated the independence process pretty well with us kids. And I think they did.

  But probably part of what made it seem that way is they didn’t tell us everything they were feeling about us growing up and going out on our own.

  I think that is part of good parenting.  To be honest, but not to put your issues and struggles on to your children, who are just getting their wings and learning to fly.  Don’t make them feel guilty for something that is a natural part of life and is really the parent’s battle to fight.

   

  So I insert this conversation with my Dad into my impatience when my kids call for me after I have tucked them in at night, and I know, once again, that sometimes I am just such a selfish person.

  Even when Nikki throws a fit because “I wanted Mommy to tuck me in, not Daddy” or when Kendall calls me back to his room to tell me something random or Derrick asks me “Can I get a drink of water?” or Nikki and I have a battle over “getting yet another drink” (as happened last night)…I should be grateful.  Really!

  They are all there. They are all safe and healthy.  I have the PRIVILEGE of tucking all of my kids into bed. We are warm and we are clothed and we are fed.

  In a few short years, I will look back and wish for those nights.  Time flies and soon I’ll be the one in my fifties saying “I just wish for those days when all the kids were home and tucked into their cozy beds each night.”  I’ll be the one navigating the waters of my children’s independence.  Maybe I won’t even do as well as my parents did.

  So what should a few extra minutes after I SO want to be “off duty” matter to me in the scope of things?

  I just have to keep reminding myself:

  Perspective, Audrey.  Perspective!

  • 11:13 am
  • 17 Comments